


Superman

by Iku



Category: Psych
Genre: Characters in Depth, Cutting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Overdose, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-19
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-02 02:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 45,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1051399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iku/pseuds/Iku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shawn isn't invincible, but he's good at convincing everyone he is. ShawnxLassiter. Originally posted on Fanfiction<br/>COMING SOON TO PODFIC</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nine Sleepless Nights

**Author's Note:**

> This is not stolen, I have an account on Fanfiction, and I wanted to post it here as well. Please enjoy :) 
> 
> The rating is a precaution.

Another sleepless night, Shawn thought to himself as he opened the door to the Psych office and violently threw a pill bottle across the room.

What good were sleeping pills if they didn't fucking work! He hadn't slept in nine days, and it was driving him crazy, though he knew it wasn't the sleeping pills fault.

It was all because of the night terrors…

The moment he closed his eyes, he was back at the drive in theater, eyes zoning in on the bomb in popcorn on his mother's lap.

All of a sudden there was Yang, waving the detonator in his face.

" _You lose Shawn,"_ she would say venomously, licking her lips as she lifted her iphone to reveal not only was there a bomb on his mom, but also strapped to the back of Lassie's gun holster, he was shocked he hadn't seen it before.

" _No, not Lassie too,"_ Shawn's voice echoed desperately in his dream.

" _Yes Shawn, Lassie too. Don't think I didn't know about your feelings for him. I need you to love me Shawn, I can't let him get in the way,"_ she would reply before pressing the button and laughing.

" _No!"_

And that's when Shawn would wake up, puke, and weep in the corner of his room, until he convinced himself of reality and the impossibility of putting a bomb on the back of a gun holster without anyone noticing it.

In the day time Shawn could function without problem, he was able to busy his mind to the next case, to nachos, Jerk Chicken, and Gus, all the while thinking pleasantly on Lassiter.

The lack of distraction in the night was killing Shawn however…

He never told Gus or his father about these night terrors, nor anyone else for that matter, he just suffered the nights alone.

On the first night of the dream Shawn didn't do anything except weep and shake until he fell asleep against the corner, and was awoken in the middle of the nightmare by his phone.

The second night, Shawn avoided sleep by two hours, and like a curse it came back.

That night, the dream added Gus to the death list, and terrified Shawn to the point that he didn't go back to sleep, instead he let the tears fall until they had no H2O left, and then just sat there, watching as the sun rose in the window.

By the third night, Shawn fought sleep every second, until exhaustion had pulled him into the dream and actually trapped him in it.

The button was pressed; and explosions were suddenly all around him; so consumed by terror that he didn't question why the fire didn't burn.

" _Mom! Lassiter! Gus!"_ Shawn shouted in his dream, as the explosions dimmed into smoke, and he opened his eyes to first find his mother's chest hollowed out by the blast, revealing her torn lungs, and heart beating three times before it finally stopped.

That's as far as Shawn let the dream take him; as he woke up drenched in sweat and rushed to the bathroom.

He couldn't get the vision out his head that time… And he just collapsed against the bathroom counter, hyperventilating and trying to focus on the ceiling.

Each time he blinked the visions came back, and it made Shawn's stomach twist more. He was desperate for them to stop; he needed them to stop, and his hand just lunged at the razor atop his sink, pulling it apart until it was separated into five blades. Then he clutched one of the loose blades in his hand and somehow decided subconsciously to dig into his legs.

As he dug in; the pain of the visions disappeared and he felt emotional release, as the blood trickled down from the wound that went from the top of his knee to the edge of his ankle, relaxing him.

As daylight rose again, to find Shawn now clamping down on the wound with a towel as it finished bleeding, the blood loss seemed to clear his head enough to realize he couldn't make the cutting a habit. He knew there was no way in hell he was dreaming _that_ again.

No way in hell.

The fourth night the dream didn't progress further; but Juliet was now added to Yang's list of victims, and it ended the same way, Shawn on his bathroom floor adding another cut to his leg, then with him promising himself he'd never do it again as he clutched his leg with a towel.

By the fifth night, the dream was much more aggressive in its collecting of victims. Now, Chief Vick, his father, Abigail, and even Buzz were all somehow slipped bombs without them knowing, the button was pressed, and Shawn was suddenly surrounded by smoke again.

That night Shawn had carved his leg without restraint, just enough to draw blood, not deep like the other two. Stopping the razor just an inch above his right leg right after his seventh cut that night, his actions dawned on him, and he threw the blade across the room and watched it land in his bathtub.

It wasn't working; the dreams were getting worse, and every time they did, Shawn got worse, and the lack of sleep was taking its toll on him in the daytime. Gus commented of course, but Shawn easily redirected his concerns elsewhere, and then a few hours later dropped a question of how one might ward off night terrors.

"Well if therapy is not an option, there is the possibility of using the drug Prazosin, though it's usually used to treat high blood pressure. Why do you ask?" Gus asked suspicious.

"Friend on skype is having problems with night terrors, he doesn't want anybody to know he's having them though," Shawn lied easily, before moving the conversation to gumi bears.

When Gus departed for his "real job" Shawn did further research on his computer. Apparently Prazosin had harsh side effects such as thinking impairment, dizziness, and fainting, and if he was going to continue his psychic act he couldn't walk around impaired. So that threw that idea out the window.

He determined later that day that if there was nothing to cut himself with, he wouldn't cut himself. So even if he had the dream again, he wouldn't try to murder his legs, so he got rid of all razors and knives.

That sixth night however, the dream did return, and this time blood was splattering against him as his mother's bomb went off then smoke again, then there was Shawn awake again.

Lost in a state of panic after he vomited yet again, Shawn searched desperately for something to draw blood, and after finding nothing, Shawn looked into the mirror, lifted his fist, and punched the glass making it break into large shards.

Snatching one of the shards with a separate hand; Shawn sunk down to the floor rolled up his pant leg and began to cut again.

He did all this in a kind of out of body haze; and hadn't realized what he'd done, until thirty minutes later when he caught hold of his panic and looked down and found blood staining his bathroom mat.

This wasn't working at all.

That day Shawn worked out, that if he could just get enough sleep to alleviate his stress of lack of sleep, he might stop the need to shred his legs. He would have to deal with being trapped in a nightmare, but he decided ultimately, dreams couldn't kill him no matter how gruesome they got, but blood loss and possible infection could. Only problem was that now he needed a way not to wake up from the dream.

Shawn knew there was one way to get and stay asleep, and the answer to that was sleeping pills, and there was even a place he could get them.

Gus's sample bag. It was chalk full of a variety of sleeping pills, and he left behind the bag when he went on that company field trip that same morning.

It had to work, he was desperate for them to.

The seventh, eighth, and ninth night were all nights of pure insomnia, in which he found himself in crippling depression until sunrise.

But that wasn't the case today.

That was how he ended up here.

When the sun had rose; Shawn was still fighting the pains of his nighttime depression, he'd even gone so far as to consider cutting his legs again, which was normally only triggered when he had the dream.

He held his sleeve to his mouth as he paced around the office, sweating and eyes darting left and right.

"I need sleep…" Shawn said to himself. "I need sleep…"

His eyes suddenly rested on the pill bottle he'd originally tossed aside, and snatched it up again in his hands.

Maybe if he just took two pills it would work.

He popped two pills into his mouth, and continued to pace around waiting for their effect.

Ten minutes went by; and Shawn had forgotten if he'd taken the two pills or not, he popped in two more pills. Another five minutes he forgot again, popping two more, five minutes later same thing, until the entire bottle of 24 pills was gone.

Shawn's vision began to haze then, and every other step he took he stumbled, his sweating became even worse from before, and finally becoming dizzy to the point of needing to lie down.

Even in his drug haze he knew he was not stable enough to make it to the couch. Clutching the edge of his desk Shawn attempted to ease his way down to the floor into a sitting position, then leaning back until he was staring at the ceiling.

His lungs stung with pain as he breathed in and out with slow breaths, struggling to fulfill the need of oxygen, and making his vision worse.

As he lied there on the floor struggling to breath, his eyes began to close on the edge of blackness.

The last thing Shawn heard was a car door slam shut and footsteps approach the entrance to the office.

Then he was lost to blackness.


	2. How Much More Authorized Can I Get?

Lassiter shut the door to his car and locked it with the automatic keys with some annoyance.

He was sent down here by the Chief, claiming that Spencer had been over three days not answering any of her phone calls. She made a habit to call all of her consultants at least once a week to make sure they were okay and not strapped to a bomb somewhere. Knowing Shawn he just forgot to turn his phone on again, but when he told Vick this, she told him to go and check on him anyway, claiming to have a bad feeling.

After driving past Shawn's "apartment" the Fluff n Fold, and not seeing his motorcycle, Lassiter determined that he was at the psych office. He was right; his motorcycle was in the closest available space.

Opening the door to the office, Lassiter began to feel uneasy. He always felt nervous around Spencer alone, but this was different, and the feeling only increased with every step he made toward main office area.

"Spencer?" Lassiter called. "We haven't been able to reach you down at the department! If you do one responsible thing it should be to remember to turn on your phone, Spencer."

There was no response, which was abnormal for Shawn. He quickly drew his weapon and began to scan the area for anyone who might have Shawn at gunpoint, inching carefully.

"Shawn Spencer!" Lassiter called again more insistently once he finally reached the main office, only to drop his gun to the ground, when he found Shawn collapsed on the floor.

"Shawn!" Lassiter shouted rushing to his side and checking for a pulse.

It was still there thank god! Though his breathing seemed challenged.

That's when Lassiter spied the pill bottle in his hand.

"Dear god no!" Lassiter begged snatching the bottle and opening it to find it completely empty. "Shit!" Was all Lassiter said before he put one arm under Shawn's knees and another under his back and picked Shawn up bridal stile, and then began to rush him to the car.

He put him down briefly on the pavement to open the car door, then picked Shawn back up and strapped him into the vehicle in a blurring speed. He dashed to the driver's side of the car turned on his sirens, sped out of the parking lot in the direction of the hospital, and snatched his radio.

"This is Detective Lassiter, I have a male mid-thirties, 5'10", suffering from an overdose of sleeping pills, the time of ingestion is unknown. He is unconscious. I am transporting him to Santa Barbra Hospital ER; I need the paramedics ready for him!" Lassiter demanded into the radio, increasing his speed.

"Confirmed," the woman on the other end replied as Lassiter made a violent turn around the corner.

Lassiter didn't identify Shawn's name on the radio, for no reason other than his gut was telling him not to. He quizzed his memory on the attitude and actions of Shawn the past four weeks, looking for any subtle clues of thoughts on suicide. There were no signs at all.

It was no comfort on Lassiter that he could find none, and by the way Shawn had been clutching the bottle in his collapse, said he definitely did this to himself and it wasn't planted. But why?

What would have driven Shawn to do this? What was going through Shawn's head that he couldn't work through?

Why didn't he say something was bothering him?

He pulled into the emergency entrance where a doctor and several nurses were waiting for them with a stretcher. Coming to a screeching halt and lifting Shawn out of the seat again to put him in the stretcher, he began to follow the nurses as they quickly ran into the building with Shawn, promising to come back for the paperwork later.

'I don't know why you did this Shawn…' Lassiter thought to himself as he ran. 'But I swear to god I'll help you…'

He followed Shawn up until the last second, determined to be by his side the entire time, but was stopped by a nurse who put hand his chest.

"I'm sorry sir only authorized personal beyond this door," The nurse said to him.

"I'm head detective of the SBPD! How much more authorized can I get?" Lassiter demanded brushing the Nurse's hand off his chest.

"You may see him after he is done with treatment, until then any further interaction could harm him further," she informed him as Lassiter's face went pale and he stepped back.

"Okay fine, but you sure as hell had better call me as soon as I can see him!" He ordered watching as the nurse nodded and disappeared into the room that locked him away from a person he considered friend on the other side.

"Please let him be okay," Lassiter whispered.


	3. Not Even The Hobo Down the Street!

It was forty agonizing minutes until the doctor came to greet him in the waiting room.

He looked to the doctor's expressions for clues, his mouth was flat, his eyebrows following its example, but his eyes were locked with his as he finished walking in.

Lassiter felt his stomach sink.

"Well the treatment was successful, and it seems like he'll avoid any long term damage. You brought him in just in time," the nameless doctor assured him.

He let the captured air out of his lungs.

"He… Hadn't been answering his phone for the past three days… I went to go check on him, so I didn't know when he ingested them…" Lassiter explained fighting the stinging lump in his throat.

"Was there any evidence that he was depressed?" Lassiter asked. All through the forty minutes he prayed it was an accidental overdose, because Shawn just didn't seem to have a reason to be suicidal. Then again why would Shawn be taking sleeping pills? He was no insomniac.

But then; maybe he was. For someone he claimed to be friend in the private corners of his mind, he honestly didn't know that much about him outside the department.

"His legs were all cut up," the doctor explained and Lassiter had to blink back tears forming on the edges of his eyelids.

Shawn had done this to himself. The evidence lined up, but Lassiter barely believed it.

I mean this was _Shawn_! Nothing ever upset him. He faced guns pushed up against his face with a smirk; he thoughtlessly jumped into dangerous situations with the only thought of completing the case. Not even being kidnapped put him through PTSD, hell he'd even won the "game" with Yang, with his mother strapped to a bomb and come out okay where others later spent at least five months in therapy.

That's when it hit him like a bullet.

Every detective involved in any part of Yang's game came out shell shocked. Even Lassiter had to take a couple of weeks off after the Yang incident, and he wasn't even the one targeted.

It was Shawn who was targeted.

But Yang was over three and a half years ago, they'd even caught Ying, and Carlton was a firm believer that time healed all wounds.

"He's still asleep, but you may go see him now. He'll need someone with him for a couple of days; sometimes intense depression is experienced only when no one is around."

Boy did Lassiter know that one.

"Thank you doctor, listen, do me a favor and make sure all of this stays quiet," Lassiter requested as he stood from his chair.

"Don't go to the press you mean?" The doctor assumed, it was obvious he knew this was the famed psychic detective.

"No. I mean this event doesn't leave this building. This does not go to the chief, this does not go to his father, this doesn't even go to the hobo down the street, or I will arrest you for violation of privacy, understand?"

"Not even his father? Shouldn't he know?" The doctor quizzed as Lassiter's face simply hardened into a glare.

"Not even the hobo down the street, I got it," the doctor said spinning on his heel to leave. "He's in room 262."

"Thank you," Lassiter said as left to find the room with hurried steps.

He entered the private room and shut the door behind him, drawing back the curtain that stood between him and the rest of the room, and found a pale faced Shawn lying in the hospital bed with his head turned toward him.

There were dark circles under his eyes that Lassiter hadn't noticed back when he found him on the office floor, and even asleep, Shawn looked exhausted, with the way his facial muscles had no life to them what so ever. Seeing them without life sent a chill down Lassiter's spine, and he just pulled up a hospital chair close to his bed, waiting for Shawn to wake up, when Lassiter's phone went off.

He growled as plucked it from his pocket.

"What?" Lassiter answered not checking the caller id.

"I'd watch your tone there detective," the Chief warned on the other end. "You've been gone for over two hours, is Spencer okay?"

"Chief! Chief I'm sorry," Lassiter quickly apologized, his anger melting, trying to come up with an explanation that would hide Shawn's current condition. "Shawn is fine," Lassiter said forcefully. "He hasn't paid his cellphone bill, something about buying a new TV for his office first. I, um… I on the other hand need some time off."

"You do?" The Chief said surprised.

It was true, Lassiter couldn't be here as an officer on active duty anymore. He had to be here as Shawn's friend and sole support.

"Yes, a friend of mine just had a heart attack," Lassiter lied. "He needs me to get him home from the hospital and take care of him for a while, I don't know how long though."

"Well it's not like you don't have the time saved up. But it's unlike you to step out of line of duty Carlton," the Chief reminded him.

"I know, but…" Lassiter looked at Shawn's face. "I'm the only one who _can_ help him."

"I understand, just call me once a day to let me know whether or not you're coming in," Vick agreed in a voice that sounded far too sympathetic and concerned. He wondered briefly if she figured out it wasn't just a generic friend but Shawn, and knew if it wasn't a heart attack, but a suicide attempt.

"I will, tell O'Hara what I told you," Lassiter requested before he closed his phone with a **snap**.

This seemed to be the wrong thing to do, because as soon he did Shawn began to toss and turn violently in his bed.

"No!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. "Mom! Carlton! Gus! Dad! No! No! No!"

Lassiter was up on his feet in an instant, knocking his chair to the floor in the rush of the movement.

Shawn had called out his name.

"Juliet, Abigail, Chief, Buzz! One of you answer me!" Shawn continued to yell kicking the blankets completely off of him, reaching his hand out desperately in the air.

"Shawn!" Lassiter called back at him, interlacing the empty hand with his own. "Wake up Shawn! It's a dream, wake up!" He used his free hand to try to shake the younger man awake, which only made him turn to his side completely toward Lassiter, clutching his hand as though his life depended on it.

"You… You can't take Lassie from me… You can't take everybody away," Shawn shouted.

"Shawn wake up! Everybody is fine, wake up," Lassiter insisted, reinforcing the hold on Shawn's hand with both his, seeing his previous attempts to wake him had only made things worse.

"Wake up!" Lassiter shouted again, and right on cue, Shawn's eyes shot open, and he sat up violently.

"Shawn," Lassiter began still holding his hand only to have Shawn push his hands away. Initially, Lassiter was inwardly hurt, until he watched the Psychic vomit with projectile onto the bed sheets.

'Why couldn't he have done that after he'd taken the pills?' Lassiter thought, as Shawn finished heaving and broke out into a heavy sweat, and drew his knees in close to him, whimpering ever so slightly.

"Shawn," Lassiter attempted again, noticing Shawn's right hand twitching as though it was looking for something to grab. Instinctively Lassiter grabbed it; seeming to pull Shawn into reality and making his head turn to look at him.

"Lassie…" Shawn began breathing shallow. "Lassie…" He said again shutting his eyes and leaning his head back on his knees.

"Is everything okay?" Somebody called from behind the curtain before running into the room. It was the doctor Lassiter had talked to previously, looking just as panicked as Shawn was.

"Everything's fine…" Shawn surprisingly answered, lowering his knees and covering his mouth with his left hand.

"I…" the doctor began only to meet his eyes with Lassiter's glare again, insisting he drop it. He remained silent for an awkward thirty seconds before speaking again.

"Shawn Spencer, I have come to offer free therapy to you with our psychiatrist down the street, he's great with depression and-." The doctor's voice again was shot down by a glare, but this time it came from Shawn Spencer.

"And just why are you offering me therapy?" Shawn demanded venomously, making the doctor take a step back.

"You… You were admitted here suffering an overdose of sleeping pills," he attempted to explain.

"And you assumed I was suicidal?" Shawn yelled, making even Lassiter jump at his elevated voice.

"Well I-."

"God damn it, I haven't slept in nine days! I was trying to find sleep; I was so tired I was forgetting whether or not I took the pills every five minutes. I wasn't trying to off myself!" Shawn yelled the doctor paling. "Why is it automatically suicide with you guys?"

The doctor's eyes shifted uncomfortably to Shawn's carved legs.

Shawn followed his eyes, and squeezed Lassiter's hand harder.

"Get out! Just get out!" Shawn yelled tears rolling down the side of his cheeks.

"But I," the doctor began only to have Lassiter's anger now flare up as well.

"He said get out!" Lassiter followed, and the doctor shut his mouth and walked briskly out the door, leaving Shawn and Lassiter alone in the room.

"How many people know about this?" Shawn asked not looking up.

"Just me… And the people who treated you, but their mouths are shut," Lassiter assured him.

"Just you…?" Shawn said exhausted.

Lassiter nodded. "I was the one who found you and brought you here…"

"Thanks…" Shawn's voice faltered. "I meant what I said to the doctor, it was an accidental overdose. I haven't slept, and they hadn't been working, so I up'd the dose, and then I just kept forgetting… It wasn't suicide I swear."

Lassiter wanted to question him about so many things, why he hadn't been sleeping, why his legs were all carved up, what the dream he just had was about, but he decided now was not the time to pry him. He was too vulnerable and he was afraid making him talk now would send him over the edge.

"Of course it wasn't you're Shawn Spencer, what would you have to be depressed about?" Lassiter's comment was supposed to cheer up the psychic, to show he believed him, but Shawn's tears only quickened.

Yes. He was Shawn Spencer. Mr. Invincible. And that was the whole problem.


	4. From the Hospital to the Dry Cleaners

Two hours later Shawn was released, and prescribed anti-depressants that the doctor promised, he could take on his own will. To both Lassiter and the doctor's surprise he did take one without a fuss.

Whatever the dream was about, Shawn seemed to be over it, because he was back to his old self as soon as he said that he had nothing to be depressed about.

Despite this however, the ride back to Shawn's apartment was mostly silent, with Shawn staring out the car window, and Lassiter glancing at him every other minute. His eyes narrowed on the prescription pill bag clutched in Shawn's hand.

"Shawn," Lassiter started making Shawn turn his head to him and produce his cocky grin.

"What? You're calling me by my first name? No Spencer? Are we Shassie now?" Shawn teased, but Lassiter kept his eyes forward on the road.

He decided now was as good a time as any to start asking questions, but he had to find a good place to start.

"I'm not here as a detective Shawn," Lassiter said evenly, watching as Shawn's expressions softened. "I'm here as your friend."

'My friend…' was the only thing that ran through Shawn's head as he relaxed into the seat.

"And I'm staying at your apartment until further notice," Lassiter decided to end it at that. Questions later…

If Lassie stayed at his apartment, and Shawn somehow managed to fall asleep, he'd have the dream again, and Lassiter would hear him.

Shawn was pretty sure that he could convince Lassie the dream he had woken up from at the hospital was just a side effect from the treatment, but he knew it raise red flags if it happened again.

He briefly wondered why he hadn't asked about his dream already.

And what if in blind panic Shawn started shredding himself? How would Lassiter's opinion change of him then?

He'd never have a chance with him then…

But Shawn also agreed with Lassiter's unspoken point, he shouldn't be alone right now.

"This isn't the way I'd hoped to get you into my apartment," Shawn said under his breath, that Lassiter struggled to hear.

"What was that?" Lassiter asked concerned.

"Nothing important, turn up here," Shawn instructed as Lassiter did as he said and they arrived at the old Fluff n' Fold.

Lassiter just parked the car and got around to open the car door for Shawn who gave a "thanks', before rushing into his apartment door and returning the favor to Lassiter.

"Welcome to my Fluff n' Fold," Shawn introduced as Lassiter scanned the apartment. It was surprisingly clean, save for his computer desk and a couple of shirts strung about. Most of them were hanging on the clothes spinner, looking much more organized, and much cleaner than the office.

"Make yourself at home Carlton," Shawn insisted as he went up to his clothes and picked out a new shirt and pants before departing to what Lassiter assumed was his bedroom.

Lassiter blushed at the use of his first name, for reasons Lassiter couldn't fathom. As distraction he began to explore the rest of Shawn's apartment surprisingly comfortable in the environment, until he found the bathroom.

The first thing he noticed were the bloody towels in the hamper and the blood stains on the bathmat in front of the sink, then he noticed the broken mirror, with a large chunk of glass missing from it.

He suddenly felt very cold.

"So Carlton how would you feel for steak tonight? I'm supposed to be at my dad's for dinner, and since you're staying I figured you could join me," Shawn called out from his bedroom as he zipped up his pants and stored the bottle of anti-depressants in his pocket, while he waited for Lassiter's response. When it didn't come, Shawn raised his eyebrows. Must not be paying attention.

"Dinner with my dad isn't my ideal first date of course, but I'm willing to flex if it were the second or third. So we can do a late breakfast and lunch before tonight," Shawn said figuring this would roust Carlton, as he left the bedroom to look for him. "What do you say? You pick, I pay, we could even do take out."

Still nothing, he was about throw in another suggestion this was all a plan to get him to go on a date, when he found Lassiter standing in the middle of his bathroom, staring specifically at the bloody towels.

"Oh…" Shawn said defeated as he leaned against the bathroom door frame, with his hands stuffed in his pockets, and making Lassiter spin on his heels to meet him.

For a moment, Shawn just stared at the floor, and kicked at the other side of the doorframe, while Lassiter stared at him expectantly behind his sunglasses. He sighed heavily a few seconds later.

"Go ahead and interrogate me," Shawn granted. "I know you're dying to."

Lassiter felt his cheeks begin to burn.

"I'm not here to interrogate you Shawn. I told you, I'm here as a friend, not as a cop. And I have plenty of time saved up so I'm here as long as it takes to help you through whatever is going through your head. As long as you don't try to kill yourself on my watch, I'm not going to push you for any information you're not ready to share. I'm going to wait until you are ready to talk to me about it, then I'll start the questions. Whether that is tonight, tomorrow, or even next week is up to you," Lassiter said seriously, as he began to exit the bathroom.

"Anyway, something tells me you haven't eaten recently," Lassiter suggested as he stood next to Shawn, who gave him a genuine smile.

"My treat," Shawn said. "What are you hungry for?"

"Lorenzo's?" Lassiter suggested as Shawn nodded and went to find his wallet.

As he departed to do so, Lassiter fell exhausted against the door frame.

He knew that Shawn had been cutting himself, but part of him still couldn't believe that Shawn of all people was doing it.

He just seemed so invincible.


	5. Sheng Long Was Here!

Lunch at Lorenzo's was more fun than either Shawn or Lassiter had been expecting. There was a surprising amount to talk about, that wasn't related to this morning, and when they sat there together at the table, Lassiter felt a warmth develop in his chest.

Lassiter almost didn't want lunch to end…

And apparently neither did Shawn; because after lunch he offered to take Lassiter to the arcade. Normally arcades weren't Lassiter's scene, but he decided that Shawn killing some stress with some quarter eating, rip-off machines would be good for him.

Upon arrival they started with Street Fighter II.

"You want to play this?" Lassiter asked with disbelief as Shawn put in two quarters into the machine. Its title was faded and the directions to the controls were unreadable.

"It looks so old…" Lassiter commented shaking his head at the character selection screen.

"The machine may be, but the game is a classic! Timeless in fact!" Shawn emphasized. "And it makes any arcade newbie look like a master, or was that Mortal Kombat? Both are very reputable fighting games, shame I can never separate them in my head."

"Whatever, let's just get started so I can kick your ass!" Lassiter said grinning as he took hold at the 1st player joystick and hovered over the buttons.

"I never said you had a chance Carly, just that it would make you _look_ like you know what you're doing," Shawn teased as he quickly chose Ryu, while Lassiter went for Ken.

The game started, and Shawn was immediately dishing out combos that seemed to put Lassiter's character out of commission, giving Shawn opening to deplete his health even further.

"Come on you stupid game…" Lassiter said under his breath pushing rapidly at the kick button until his character came out of stun and landed the first kick on Shawn's sprite in the entire round.

"Right on Carly," Shawn said excited. "But not enough to win the match," Shawn responded as the 90 second timer went out.

"Seriously this match is timed?" Lassiter whined as Shawn smiled as Ryu was declared the winner.

"Don't worry Carlton, there's still a chance to redeem yourself, there is a second round," Shawn assured him. "If it's any consolation, you're the first not be knocked out before the timer runs out, when you're playing against me I mean. Believe me it's quite a feat, as I would be able to beat the creator himself."

"Right, I was just warming up!" Lassiter decided as he hardened his posture and rested his left hand on the surface of the buttons, staring fixedly at the screen.

Shawn rolled his eyes at this, and smiled as the second round began.

"Take this!" Lassiter pressing the punch button, while Shawn stopped hovering the buttons and used his left hand to push Lassiter's hand upwards on the control stick.

"Hey!" Lassiter said ready to slap his hand away for meddling, when he found his sprite Ken performing a jumping punch that knocked Ryu away across the screen, and dropped his health bar by one eighth.

"How'd I do that?" Lassiter asked as both sprites ceased to move.

"Joystick up and punch. Depending on the movement of the joystick as you press a button, you can accomplish special moves. Don't just depend on going left and right, and pressing buttons when you get close, experimentation is the key," Shawn said smiling.

Shawn's hand rested on Lassiter's for a brief moment more, sending a mysterious spark up Lassiter's arm and into his chest, before Shawn finally moved back to his own buttons and proceeded to kick Lassiter's ass again.

He contemplated this sensation for a total of two seconds before he returned his focus to the game, filing it away for later examination.

Taking Shawn's advice, Lassiter experimented with a series of control combinations, and managed to bring Shawn's character's health down to half. Unfortunately Lassiter's experiments only took him so far, as Shawn flipped his character and KO'd him at the last two seconds.

Lassiter's jaw dropped in disbelief, as the two characters appeared on the screen, with Ken all bruised and bloody, and Ryu saying: You must defeat _Sheng Long_ to stand a chance. Beneath it, was: Continue? (Insert two quarters).

'Who the fuck is _Sheng Long_? And where do I find him?' Lassiter asked himself glaring at the screen.

"Sorry Carlton, I guess I was thinking about Mortal Kombat, come on I know of a game that would be more up your alley," Shawn said as he began walking away, only to have Lassiter catch his arm.

"Put in two more quarters," Lassiter ordered not moving his eyes from the screen.

Shawn felt his skin burn pleasantly under Lassiter's warm hands, enjoying the sensation for a few seconds, before he shook his head with a smile. He knew there was no way Lassiter was going to give up until he was successful.

"Alright, let's do this," Shawn said as he turned back around and put in two more quarters.

This time, Lassiter was much more focused on his combos, smiling gleefully as Shawn's sprite became stunned, and only managing to hit three times on Lassiter's sprite, and cheering as the screen showed the letters KO on the screen on his behalf.

The second round was the same thing, only this time Shawn didn't manage to land a hit on him, giving Lassiter a perfect KO.

"Yes! In your face Shawn Spencer! I won!" Lassiter cheered as they both turned away from the machine to let two younger children play.

'Only because I was holding back for you…' Shawn thought to himself resisting the urge to chuckle.

"Congrats Carlton," Shawn said as Lassiter laughed gleefully. "Here I'll show you another game you'd be good at."

"Oh yeah?" Lassiter said with disbelief.

"Yeah, it's one my dad made me play all the time, it's called Police Trainer," Shawn said directing Lassiter to the machine who followed him gleefully.

"Well a game with a name like that can't be too bad," Lassiter decided smiling in spite of the fact he was trying to hate the quarter eating machines.

"Yeah, the better you do the higher in rank you go. I think you'll like it," Shawn assured him as he put two quarters into the machine and picked up the red gun, while Lassiter picked up the blue.

When he saw it involved shooting, Lassiter knew he had the game in the bag.

"Oh you're so going down Shawn!" Lassiter said as Shawn raised an eyebrow.

"You wanna go first then?" Shawn asked holding out the 1st player gun to him.

"Alright, prepare to be amazed Shawn Spencer," Lassiter said switching places with Shawn who leaned against the machine and watched Lassiter breeze through the games up until he got to the detective level, where he failed to meet quota in the Simulation section and moving target section and grumbling to himself.

"I'd be better in the actual thing," Lassiter grumbled moving out of the way for Shawn to take his turn.

Shawn didn't say anything, just breezed through all of the games with blurring movements and perfect scores, that amazed Lassiter, until Shawn achieved the rank of Chief, and beat the game entirely.

"How did you get so good at this game?" Lassiter asked his mouth agape.

"My father wouldn't let me play any other game in the arcade, until I got to chief in both players," Shawn explained half-heartedly as he put the gun back in the game holster.

"Harsh…" Lassiter said shocked that his father would be that strict, and that Shawn sounded so; somber.

"Oh he meant well, and by the end of the month I was finally free to play any game I wanted," Shawn said turning away from the game expressionless, when he suddenly smiled again.

"Oo DDR! Come on Lassie!" Shawn said grabbing Lassiter's hand dragging him towards the dance machine.

The sensation ran up Lassiter's arm again from Shawn's touch, and when Lassiter tried to match the feeling he could only come up with the way he felt every other time Shawn touched him. A touch that would normally make Lassiter push someone away, but when it came to Shawn, he let it happen. Perhaps he only really took notice of it now because of the recent events, or for the fact they weren't working a case.

Whatever the reason, it made Lassiter more desperate for an answer to Shawn's troubles, and even more desperate to help him.

But most of all, it made Lassiter want to be next to the psychic.


	6. Dinner At Henry's

They spent two hours at the arcade before they ran out of quarters, and Lassiter could honestly say, he liked arcades now.

Especially since he beat Shawn at DDR.

"I can't believe you beat me!" Shawn complained as Lassiter walked to the driver's side of the car with a large smile on his face.

"Believe it Shawn, I won at DDR and Street Fighter II," Lassiter said as they got into the car. Shawn may have beaten him at all of the other games, but he was holding those two over his head with pride.

"I let you win Street Fighter II," Shawn said making Lassiter frown.

"Really?" Lassiter asked.

"Really." Shawn assured him.

"Oh well, I still beat you at DDR," Lassiter teased making Shawn cross his arms and pout.

"I _still_ can't believe that happened!" Shawn complained as his phone began to ring, and he checked the caller ID.

"Yeah Dad?" Shawn answered exhaustion returning to his face.

"Just reminding you that I expect you here at seven pm, and to ask if Gus was coming tonight," Henry explained as Shawn pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No Gus isn't coming, but I am bringing a friend of mine. We'll be there on time," Shawn promised his voice noticeably tired, Lassiter noted.

"Good. You okay?" Henry asked on the other line.

"Yeah dad I'm fine, just like last week. Please get off my case," Shawn requested as he quickly hung up before Henry could say anything further. "We're going to have to go by the Psych office."

"Why?" Lassiter asked. He wasn't ready to revisit the memory of Shawn collapsed on the floor.

"I have to lock up the office, plus if I don't show up on my bike, my father will know something is wrong. And I just don't have the energy to be interrogated by him," Shawn explained.

"You are not riding your bike after what happened this morning," Lassiter refused as Shawn smiled.

"What if I let you ride with me?" Shawn offered.

"W-What?" Lassiter asked, as Shawn's smile widened.

"You heard me; I have an extra helmet, and haven't had an accident in forever. Come on, don't tell me you've never wanted to ride one," Shawn tempted as Lassiter stared at the steering wheel.

"Okay fine! But just to keep your father from getting on your case, as soon as dinner is over, we're going back to your office and switching back to the car. Understand?" Lassiter's voice was hard.

"Fair enough," Shawn agreed, as he checked his phone for the time. "But first, we have about an hour to kill before we have to leave, so let's get some smoothies."

One hour later, Lassiter tugged awkwardly at the helmet strap while Shawn started up the bike and waited for him to get on.

"Are you sure about this Shawn?" Lassiter asked receiving a smile from Shawn.

"Would you rather me ride alone?" Shawn asked, as Lassiter glared at him.

"That doesn't answer my question," Lassiter growled.

"As long as you keep a hold on me, you'll be just fine. Believe it or not I'm a very safe rider," Shawn assured him as Lassiter looked at the empty space with growing fear. He took in a deep breath, and swung his leg over the bike, and folded his arms in front of Shawn's chest, scooting forward to fit into the narrow space.

His entire body began to feel the sparks he had back in the arcade, making him feel strangely safe, though it was painful in its own way too.

'I've got Lassie on my bike, and his arms are wrapped around me. Best. Day. EVER!' Shawn thought enjoying the heat that he felt from Lassiter's touch.

"You ready Carly?" Shawn asked looking at him with his side mirror. He gave a subtle nod, while at the same time tightening his hold. Readjusting his mirror, Shawn backed the bike out of the space, pointed it in the direction of the exit, picked up his feet, and put his hand on the gas, while hovering over the break.

The sudden speed was a shock to Lassiter, and he couldn't help but scream as they sped to the exit, only ceasing as they came to a stop as Shawn looked for oncoming traffic, and flipped on his blinker.

"Sheesh Carlton, we haven't even left the parking lot yet. You're going to have to pull it together Carly," Shawn said laughing at his scream. "Just relax, I promise I won't do any wheelies with you in back."

"You do wheelies?!" Lassiter demanded.

"Of course not Carlton, that's like asking for death," Shawn said as he started up the gas again and turned into the streets.

Lassiter flinched as he did this, expecting to crash into something, but managing to relax when he found they were safely balancing as they rode down the road. He expected it to be much more unstable, like trying to sit on a ball, but Shawn kept it smooth, and Lassiter found himself closing his eyes to enjoy the wind.

He was completely calm, until Shawn began to swerve from one edge of the lane to the other, very gently, but it made Lassiter open his eyes.

"What the hell are you swerving for?" Lassiter demanded panicked.

"So that I can see around the car ahead of me," Shawn said as Lassiter took notice of the large SUV in front of them. "On a bike you have to be even more aware of what is ahead of the driver in front of you, takes bikes longer to make an emergency stop."

It made sense, but it still made him uneasy. Eventually Lassiter was able to relax again, letting Shawn's body guide his through the swerve. He closed his eyes again as Shawn took a turn, finding himself more focused on the warm feeling he had holding Shawn.

What was it about Shawn that seemed to break down Lassiter's physical barriers? Back at the hospital, he grabbed and held Shawn's hand without a second thought, something he would have only done for his ex-wife for a time. Beyond that, there was the physical contact he put up with at work, from having his face touched, his ass slapped, and even tolerated Shawn sitting on his lap during one of his visions.

As he contemplated this, Lassiter had unknowingly rested his chin on Shawn's shoulder.

Sure Shawn Spencer annoyed the hell out of him, especially during his visions, but he knew that wasn't all to Shawn.

'Not all to Shawn…' Lassiter thought to himself, closing his eyes, as flood of memories, once buried, started to come back to him.

_He was sitting at his desk filling out paper work on last week's case, completely zoned in on his work, until the chief called him into the office._

"We're here Carlton!" Shawn said suddenly interrupting his thoughts.

It was only when the engine turned off, did Lassiter realize he had not only leaned into Shawn to the point of their back and chest touching, but his head was also resting on his shoulder.

'When the hell did this happen!?' Lassiter thought, quickly backing out of the man's personal space and stepping off the bike. He rubbed his nose on his sleeve in an attempt to hide the growing heat in his cheeks.

"See? I told you I was a safe rider," Shawn said propping the bike on its stand before getting off himself, and smiling at Lassiter. "Heck you even fell asleep! You looked like a little baby, it was so cute!"

"I wasn't asleep-." Lassiter quickly knew this was the wrong choice of words, as being asleep could justify his actions. He quickly found another excuse. "My neck hurt okay?"

Shawn raised an eyebrow at this, but didn't say anything more, and led the way to the door. Lassiter walked side by side with him, slightly astonished that Shawn just walked right in.

"Hey Dad we're here!" Shawn shouted shutting the door behind Carlton who looked around uncomfortably.

"And on time, I'm surprised," Henry said coming in from the kitchen and looking perplexed at Lassiter. "Carlton, funny when Shawn said he was bringing one of his friends, I assumed he meant he was bringing a girlfriend. He's not having sex with you now, is he?"

Lassiter blushed at the question, opening his mouth to answer but find the words stuck in his throat. 'He's obviously kidding… Just answer him…' Lassiter yelled in his brain.

Shawn must have sensed his discomfort because he soon had his arm around his shoulder, and answered for him.

"No sexy times, the chief just insisted we stop giving each other black eyes at the department, and ordered us to spend some time together. So we thought we'd start here, you and Carly are fishing buddies after all," Shawn said as Henry raised an eye brow, and stared at Lassiter, expecting a confirmation.

"Exactly!" Lassiter said quickly, but he could tell Henry didn't buy it, as they already seemed too friendly. He had to think of something quick; he turned his head to Shawn and glared at him.

"Get your hands off me Spencer! And don't call me Carly," Lassiter ordered as Shawn quickly lifted his arms above his head and backed up with a smile.

Henry seemed satisfied with this, and turned back to the kitchen, though Lassiter couldn't help but notice his eyes focusing mostly on Shawn as he turned to leave.

Shawn noticed too, and inwardly it irritated him. He looked at Lassie again and laughed.

"Nice play there buddy! Now he'll never suspect we're desperately in love," Shawn said patting Lassie's butt as he moved past him and into the kitchen.

"We are not in love!" Lassiter denied, maybe a little louder than necessary as he followed him half a step later.

"I'm kidding!" ' _Mostly…'_ Shawn said as he began pulling out plates from the above cabinet, trying to be oblivious to Henry watching him as he grilled steaks outside.

"I don't want you drinking if you have Carlton riding with you," Henry said from outside.

"Aw but I wanted to show Lassie how well I could intimidate Buzz out of a ticket!" Shawn said disappointed as he set down three plates. Then went to the fridge and got a bottle of water, took out one of his anti-depressants and left both on the counter close to the fridge when his father told him to grab silverware too.

'Mcnab…' Lassiter thought. He'd have to remember to write him up for that.

"I still don't know why you insist on riding that thing Shawn! It's dangerous," Henry complained as he came in with three steaks on one plate. "Hey Carlton, grab the salad in the fridge will you?"

Glad to have something to do, Lassiter was quick to respond.

"It's only dangerous if you don't know what you're doing," Shawn assured him.

"And what about the accident you had five years ago?" Henry demanded. "Remember you were in a coma for three days?"

Lassiter almost dropped the bowl to the floor hearing this.

"That was the other driver's fault dad, she had a stop sign, and I didn't. Besides I got her number out of it," Shawn reminded him as Lassiter set the bowl on the table.

"Her number Shawn? You nearly died and all you think about is the number?" Henry demanded moving a steak onto Lassiter's plate and sitting down with his and Shawn's steak already served. Shawn sat down with a frown.

"Can we please not do this tonight? I don't have the energy for a fight right now," Shawn said as Henry's fork dropped onto his plate with a clank, making Lassiter jump.

"I'm not starting a fight Shawn! I'm concerned about you, and you said the same thing last week. Something is wrong with you kid, and strike me where I stand if I never figure it out," Henry yelled as Shawn crossed his arms.

"Hard to do that when you're sitting down old man," Shawn retorted. Lassiter had to admit it was a good come back, but it only enraged Henry further.

"Shawn," Henry shouted frustrated as Shawn leaned forward in his chair.

"I. Am. Fine. What do I have to do to prove it to you?" Shawn challenged as Henry got up from the table and went to the fridge.

"You're not fine! Father's know when their…" Henry's voice stopped when he opened the door to the fridge.

Shawn's face paled instantly, and his eyes watched his father with a look that could only be identified as pure horror, as he closed the fridge and picked up something from the counter.

Lassiter considered dragging Shawn out of there, right there and then. This couldn't be good for him…

"Zoloft?" Henry said turning around and looking at Shawn. Looking at Henry, you could swear he'd discovered somebody murdered Shawn.

Shawn turned his head away from him, and chose instead to stare at the steak in front of him.

"Shawn, what is going on?" Henry asked resting a hand on Shawn's shoulder, who just turned away from it and stood up from the chair.

"Do not run away from this Shawn! I will not let you," Henry said sternly clutching the bottle in his hand.

"Just drop it okay! I don't want to talk about it right now," Shawn insisted.

"And just why is that Shawn? Spencer men don't depend on mind altering meds. These could have serious side effects Shawn! God forbid, they may damper your Psychic powers," Henry said before throwing both his hands down at his sides. "And then what will you do Shawn? You won't be any use down at the station and you'll be jobless and leave Gus with all the rent down at Psych! You'll be back to the useless kid who graduated and ran off to Mexico!"

Shawn turned away from his father, clutching the edge of table so hard his knuckles were turning white. Lassiter looked up at his face, and saw tears roll down Shawn's cheeks, he wanted to comfort him, but Henry was scaring the hell out of him too.

"You have expectations to live up to kid, the second you let them down is the second you lose everything you've worked for! All you are is their Psychic Shawn," Henry emphasized, and Shawn's tears quickened. "If their image of you changes, you lose. They won't want you anymore!"

' _If their image of me changes… I lose…' Lassiter thought lying on the couch in his living room, and staring at his ceiling, and clutching the gun in his hand._

' _I won't have any worth anymore…'_

'Oh hell no.' Lassiter thought his temper flaring up, as he got up from the chair and slammed his hands on the table.

"Shaw-. Spencer is more than just a psychic down at the station!" Lassiter caught himself, making Henry harden a glare at him. Better at him than Shawn, though Lassiter didn't deny even he wanted to back down from seeing it.

"His skills are beyond anyone there! He can crack witnesses nobody else can, he isn't afraid to risk his life for another, and he sure as hell works his ass off for the ones he cares about!" Lassiter yelled glancing at Shawn who was shocked, but thankful.

"Even if he lost his powers right here and now, I can guarantee he'd make one hell of a detective without them! And I'd personally see to it that he'd still have a job at the station. Sure he has a process that makes about as much sense as a philosophy major finding a sustaining career, but he gets the job done!" He walked up to Henry until they were arm's length away.

"I applaud your defense for a fellow co-worker Carlton, but I think I know my son better than you," Henry followed and Lassiter almost punched him right then and there.

"All due respects Henry, I'm not sure that you do." Lassiter said snatching the anti-depressants from Henry's hand and walking toward the door.

"Come on Spencer," Lassiter ordered, grabbing his and Shawn's jacket, and leading the stunned man out the door by the elbow.

Henry just stood there, watching them depart, before leaning tiredly on the kitchen counter, holding his temple.


	7. In the Dark of the Night

Once outside, Lassiter took a look at Shawn again.

He was still pale, only accenting the tear stains on his face; mostly he seemed stunned, but a little relieved too. Shawn walked to the curb next to his bike and sat down on the concrete, staring outward.

Lassiter joined him, making sure to put the jackets on the bike seat, and stared outward with him. "I'm sorry Shawn… I just couldn't let him say all those things to you. It was making me sick. So I'm sorry if I was sticking my nose in where it didn't belong."

Shawn immediately sat up straight.

"What? Carly no! I'm glad for what you said, in fact thank you," Shawn said his mood quickly elevating again. "I just need to give myself a few minutes to pull myself together. I do have a passenger after all. Wouldn't want to damage your neck further," Shawn said making Lassiter smile with relief.

"Is your father always that tough on you?" Lassiter asked. When they went fishing, Henry seemed like a very pleasant person, but what he saw inside wasn't the Henry he fished with.

"Tough yes, border line emotionally abusive not always. We've never seen eye to eye, but as you can expect, I'm still his son, and he cares… He just has high standards for me," Shawn explained. It wasn't often he talked about the relationship with him and Henry, but he knew he owed Lassiter an explanation.

"Have you met them? In his eyes I mean?" Lassiter asked as Shawn laughed for a half a second.

"Hell no, if there are two things my father can't stand, it's Psychics and Private Detectives and I managed to become both," Shawn said and now it was Lassiter's turn to laugh.

"You're no detective," Lassiter said as Shawn smiled and shook his head.

"I am since you called me one," Shawn said as Lassiter just smiled.

"Thanks a lot, I'd almost blocked that one out of my memory," Lassiter joked as they both laughed.

"Well steak is out of the question," Shawn began. "What do you say we get the hell out of here and get pizza?"

"I like that idea, but tell me we're taking my car to pick it up."

...

Back home, Henry was out on his porch, on his third beer since Shawn left, while staring out at the beach.

He couldn't believe Shawn was stupid enough to put himself on drugs! The kid was already due for a slip up, and one slip up could cost him his job. Could even land him in jail if the wrong person knew, but Henry knew this wasn't what was really bothering him.

What was bothering him was that Shawn knew all of this, and was taking it anyway, because he thought the benefits would outweigh the risks. Which meant something was wrong with Shawn, and he was too stubborn to tell his father what it was. Henry would admit to being maybe being a little hard on the kid, but surely Shawn knew he could come to him!

He had to know what was wrong, and he got out his phone and dialed Gus's phone number.

Four rings later, Gus answered.

"Hello?" Gus said on the other line yawning loudly. "Shawn if this is you calling at two thirty in the morning, I am going to slap you over the phone."

"Two thirty?" Henry asked surprised looking down at his watch. "Sorry Gus, I hadn't realized how late it was. This is Henry, not Shawn, but this is about him."

"About Shawn? Is he hurt?" Gus asked suddenly more awake.

"I'm not entirely sure… Do you know of any reasons why he would be on anti-depressants?" Henry asked taking another swallow of beer.

"Anti-depressants? That can't be right," Gus said on the other line. "When did you find out this?"

"Tonight, he was over for steaks and I found the bottle with his name on it. I tried to ask him about it, but Lassiter butted in and left with him," Henry explained.

"Lassiter did? What was Lassiter doing at dinner with you guys?" Gus was becoming more confused by the minute.

"Shawn said it was via chief's orders, but that's not important. Do you know if anything has been bothering Shawn?" Henry demanded almost to the point of yelling.

"Not a clue, it must be some sort of mistake, or he's been prescribed it to help something else. I mean this is Shawn we're talking about," Gus reminded him.

"Oh yeah? Well what other uses are there for Zoloft?" Henry demanded.

The other line fell silent for about two minutes, the only way Henry knew he hadn't hung up was the fact he could hear him breathing.

"I'll be on the next plane out. But I'm stuck in the mountains in Montana so it will be a couple of days," Gus said finally as Henry let out a frustrated sigh.

"Thank you, if you can get him to talk it will be a load off my mind. God knows he won't talk to me," Henry said relieved. "Call me if you need a ride Gus."

"I will, I'll see you soon," Gus promised hanging up.

...

It was two thirty at night, and Lassiter still had yet to fall asleep. Needless to say, there was something wrong with Shawn, and it was becoming more apparent to Lassiter as the night progressed. All through pizza, Shawn was mostly silent unless Lassiter started a conversation. The conversation would last for five minutes, and all during, Shawn gave straight answers, and lacked his wit. After they had had their fill pizza, Shawn set up the guest bed and retired to his own room with a good night.

That had been over three hours ago, and Lassiter could tell from the movement in Shawn's bedroom, that he hadn't actually gone to bed, up until an hour ago.

'Maybe Shawn is an insomniac, but that doesn't explain the cuts on his legs…' Lassiter thought to himself sitting up against his pillows as he contemplated Shawn's actions. 'Perhaps it's a problem that is keeping him up at night? That would explain his not sleeping in nine days…'

He knew it certainly kept Lassiter up when he was in a similar position.

"No!" Shawn shouted from his bedroom making Lassiter sit up straight and reach for a gun that wasn't there. In an instant, Lassiter was up out of the guest bed and rushing to Shawn's bedroom.

Opening the door, Lassiter found Shawn flailing in his arms and legs in violent motions, tossing and turning.

"Is he asleep?" Lassiter asked somewhere between concerned and surprised, as he dashed to his bed side, being careful to stand far away enough not to accidently get hit.

"Mom! Carlton! Gus! Dad! No! No! No!" Shawn cried tears escaping his eyes, leaving a twinge of pain in Lassiter's chest.

'That's exactly what he said this morning… It must be the same dream!' Lassiter thought as he forcefully snatched Shawn's flailing hand and held it tightly.

"Juliet, Abigail, Chief, Buzz! One of you answer me!" Shawn said his body movements stabilizing with Lassiter's touch.

"I'm fine Shawn, everyone is fine. Wake up!" Lassiter yelled praying he could hear him. Alas his words seemed to be lost on the Psychic because soon Shawn's hand broke from his and he turned away from him in his sleep.

"You… You can't take Lassie from me… You can't take everybody away," Shawn said the tears quickening.

"Shawn, you need to wake up! Everyone is okay," Lassiter yelled again, resting his hand on his shoulder and gently shaking him.

This time it did the trick, Shawn's eyes shot open, and immediately he was out of the bed and rushing to what Lassiter assumed was the bathroom.

"Shawn," Lassiter called after, following him after he heard him start heaving.

"Shawn, are you okay?" Lassiter asked right before he walked into the doorway. Standing there, was Shawn holding a long piece of glass ready to graze down his arm.

"Shawn!" Lassiter yelled catching his wrist just before the glass landed on his skin, and yanking the glass out of Shawn's hand. He threw it violently across the room, causing it shatter against the wall. Lassiter grabbed Shawn's shoulders then, and turned Shawn to face him.

Lassiter felt the color drain from his face.

Shawn's skin was shining from sweat, his cheeks still tinted green, and his eyes fear stricken. In a quick moment, Shawn's arms were around Lassiter's waist, squeezing tightly.

"Lassie… You're okay…" Shawn cried, and Lassiter wrapped his arms around Shawn, rubbing his back gently. "You're okay…"

"Everything is okay… Everyone is okay…" Lassiter replied holding Shawn tighter.


	8. The Truth

Ten minutes later, Shawn was sitting on the couch with a wet wash cloth held against his head by Lassiter, and one draped around his neck. The coolness was relaxing, and appreciated considering how hot he felt. Shawn attempted to focus on his breathing, in through the nose and out through the mouth, as Lassiter kept telling him when he'd guided him to the couch.

"Thanks Lassie…" Shawn said his breathing stabilized.

"What are you calling me Lassie for? We aren't at work," Lassiter joked taking the washcloth off of Shawn's forehead and dipping it back in the bowl of water on the coffee table. He knew that jokes helped Shawn deal with a stressful situation, thus reasoning it might help here.

"You're right," Shawn said managing a tired smile, as he leaned gently back on the couch.

There were a few minutes of silence after that, only filled by the light drizzle of rain outside. Lassiter could barely control himself anymore.

He wanted to demand the psychic tell him exactly what the dream was about, he wanted to know what panicked Shawn to this point, he wanted to know why he thought sleeping pills would help, and he wanted to help Shawn. But Lassiter knew from various trainings that panic attacks like what Shawn had, had a trigger, and it would be best to wait before addressing it. And Lassiter was going to address it, but he knew to wait until-.

"About nine days ago, I started having night terrors." Shawn began suddenly making Lassiter move the cloth away from his head, and set it off to the side. "They've been bad enough that when I wake up from them, I'm not entirely how you say… aware… of my actions."

"So the cutting," Lassiter began.

"Is normally triggered after the night terror, and I usually don't realize I've done it until a certain amount of time has passed…" Shawn interrupted closing his eyes to let tears fall.

Lassiter saw this, and interlaced his hand into Shawn's, feeling the sparks again, that seemed to give a small light to the growing pit of darkness of the moment. He knew Shawn felt the same thing, because his tears eased.

"So why the sleeping pills then? Why take them if they would trap you in the night terror?" Lassiter asked. Shawn shook his head.

"I reasoned that I wouldn't cut if I got enough sleep to alleviate the stress of lack of sleep. Because dreams can't kill you, no matter how gruesome they get… But blood loss can." Shawn explained squeezing a little tighter on Lassiter's hand. "Stupid I know."

"The way you tried to deal with it was," Lassiter said angered, before he forced himself to relax. "Exactly what was the dream about?"

Shawn fell silent, broke from Lassiter's hand, and stood up.

Lassiter remained sitting, attempting briefly to reason why he felt hurt when he took his hand away. He waited five minutes before deciding to say something else, when Shawn suddenly began to speak.

"The Yang case," Shawn began suddenly. Lassiter felt like he'd just been slapped in the face. He'd been right back at the hospital, meaning he'd made the same mistake to Shawn, which several others made about himself years before.

Still make today in fact…

"In the dream at first, it wasn't just my mom who was strapped. It was… It was you too Carlton…" Shawn said his voice shaking.

'That's why he would call out my name…' Lassiter thought, feeling the twist of guilt develop in his intestines.

"Then the dream got worse, and it wasn't just you and mom I was losing. It was everybody that mattered to me… And the only thing I can think in my dream when the bombs go off is that it's my fault. At one point, I even saw my mother's hallowed out chest…" Shawn's voice broke at that point, and Lassiter responded by standing up and laying a gentle hand on Shawn's shoulder.

"…Then when all of the smoke clears, and my mom is gone… the first person I find is you, and you're still alive, but barely… Yang sees this, and she pulls a gun… I try to protect you… but I'm not fast enough…" Shawn said fighting the urge to sob. He left out the more gruesome details, for mostly the fact he didn't want to dwell on them, his memory memorized _everything_ after all, real or not.

'PTSD… I should have known better than to think Shawn couldn't get it… But he never said anything about it…' Lassiter thought to himself as Shawn went back to sit on the couch.

"I can usually function just fine in the day, I get into the groove of things, and there are a lot of distractions. At night is when everything goes to hell and I get depressed…" Shawn explained as Lassiter nodded.

"Why didn't you tell anyone about this sooner?" Lassiter asked. He already knew the answer; he just needed to hear it from Shawn's lips.

Shawn let out a frustrated sigh.

"I don't know! I guess… I guess I just don't want anybody to think less of me! Everyone expects me to be some sort of Superman, I don't want to let them down, if I show them weakness, nobody will look at me the same…" Shawn said wiping away tears that had collected on the edge of his eyelids. "I'm sorry Carlton… I know it doesn't make any sense…"

"No, I get it," Lassiter said suddenly making Shawn look up at him with shock. "I get it exactly."

Shawn watched as Lassiter turned and walked slowly back to the couch, and sat down beside him. He wasn't sure what exactly Lassiter meant when he said he understood, but as soon as Lassiter said it, Shawn could feel the weight of the air around them. This time, Shawn took Lassiter's hand into his, and waited for him to continue. He wished the warmth he felt holding it was more of a comfort…

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Lassiter's hand began to squeeze gently on Shawn's, before taking in a deep breath.

"It was back when I first separated with my wife."


	9. Those Who Are Great

" _It was back when I first separated with my wife."_

Lassiter was sitting at his desk filling out paperwork on last week's case, completely zoned in on his work, until the chief called him into the office.

"What is it Chief Vick? Is there a special case you need me to work?" Lassiter asked as he walked into her office, only to have his smile fade when he saw she was glaring at him.

"No detective there is not, sit down please," the Chief ordered, Lassiter was quick to follow her orders, resisting the urge to squirm under the restraint of her glare.

"I'm going to get to the point Lassiter, as of the end of your shift, you are under suspension," the Chief announced. Lassiter's eyes widened.

"What, Chief why?" Lassiter asked sitting up in the chair.

"How about we start with the fact you put a child's life at risk thanks to your carelessness?" The Chief's voice said a little louder than she had been previously speaking.

"Chief the boy was," Lassiter began only to have the Chief silence him with her hand.

"The boy was kidnapped and missing for forty-eight hours Carlton. Something _you_ could have stopped had you not fallen asleep on the job!" The Chief emphasized and Lassiter felt himself shrink.

"I… You see Chief I just," Lassiter began looking down at the floor. The boy had been found completely unharmed, so Lassiter assumed no harm done. This was the first time the Chief had to reprimand him for anything.

"You were being careless Carlton! I expected you to do the job no problem," The chief said sighing as Lassiter fell silent.

"The main thing is Carlton; you let your personal life get in the way of your duty. I can't have that in my department. Understand?" The Chief said more gently as Lassiter nodded in defeat.

"Good, now please hand over your badge and gun. You are suspended until further notice," The Chief ordered holding out her hand.

Lassiter did as she said, not looking up at her. He couldn't believe this was happening now of all times.

"You're excused," Vick said and watched as Lassiter stood up and walked out of the office, shutting the door behind him.

He was then met by three senior officers, all wearing sheepish grins.

"Finally made the chief mad, huh?" One of them said slapping Lassiter's back. "So what did she tell you?"

Lassiter didn't say anything, didn't even look the man in the eyes.

"It happens to the best of us. Even if you're the world's best detective, one mistake and you can lose absolutely everything," The second man followed shaking his head.

' _Lose absolutely everything…'_ That was all Lassiter heard it was like glue to the floor, because he knew he should just walk away from these guys, but he couldn't.

The third detective must have sensed his dismay because soon there was arm around his shoulder's leading him away from the group.

"Listen Carlton, you're going to have to get out of this slump you have going. You already have the Chief pissed at you; if your image of everyone here changes you're done. The Chief takes great measures to make sure everyone in the department is capable. If you aren't, you can kiss your life as a detective goodbye," the third detective informed him and Lassiter felt his stomach sink further. "Besides, we have lives at stake…"

At this, the detective gave Lassiter two pats on the shoulder and left to return to his friends, while Lassiter just kept walking, until he was out the door the department building.

He didn't even remember driving home, but he must have, because he was here in his driveway, looking at three large suitcases with a sticky note on them. Getting out of the car, he walked up to them, picked up the note, and read it.

_Dear Carlton, I think the time has come to spend some time apart. I have reserved a room for you at the hotel down the street. I packed your guns in the large green bag under your clothes._

_Victoria_

Lassiter's throat clenched. He wanted desperately to cry, but his mind flashed back to what the detective had said earlier.

"If your image of everyone here changes you're done."

No. He couldn't show weakness. Besides the senior detective was right, there were lives at stake, which counted on him being strong.

Lassiter then snatched the bags and put them in the trunk of his car, not bothering to go inside and try to talk some sense into Victoria. If this was what she wanted to try, he would comply.

He would be what everyone needed to be; a perfect detective and husband.

A week later, Lassiter was reinstated and better than ever. He did absolutely everything perfectly, and never let on that he was as of today a week separated from his wife. The chief was impressed with his work, and all of the senior detectives praised him for his new leaf, they'd even invited him for beers. By the end of the month, Lassiter was no longer just a regular detective; he was promoted to Head Detective, and given a new partner, Lucinda Barry. She seemed genuinely interested in him, and Lassiter, at least in the private corners of his mind, was interested in her. In his waking conscious though, he was only willing to say, she and him were fast friends.

Arguably, Lassiter could say his life was better since conforming to the Chief's needs and shutting out his private life in the department. When he came and got to work, he was numb to his own pain, able to become the hardcore detective who solved high profile cases with ease. He was the one who made criminals confess; newbies wet their pants, and so strong emotionally he didn't even bat an eye when all three of the departments last senior detectives in active duty, were gunned down. And in the daytime, this truly was true about Carlton Lassiter.

As soon as he was alone in his new apartment however, Lassiter was anything but the: couldn't give a shit guy.

It had been over three months since Lassiter started this new façade, and Lassiter knew that all he was doing was living a lie. And the lie was taking his toll on him.

'If their image of me changes… I lose…' Lassiter thought lying on the couch in his living room, staring at his ceiling, and clutching the gun in his hand.

'I won't have any worth anymore…'

It was the harsh reality of his life. He was stuck in the lie he had created just to benefit others. There was one; maybe two ways out.

One was to put down the mask, and lose everything he loved. He truly did love his lie, because it brought him wonderful things, like Lucinda's friendship, newbie's respect, his job as head detective, his power to help those innocent. In all truth he was scared to let go of the lie, for fear of losing all of these things, and thus losing his worth. What good was living life if you didn't matter? The lie made him matter to others. At the same time, the gaping hole of emptiness he felt when he was alone in his apartment and had turned off Cops, was by no doubt created by the same lie he loved. Because at the end of the day, the happiness he felt was a lie too.

The second way out, was clutched in Lassiter's hands, with his fingers resting on the trigger. It would all be over. No more lie, no more fake happiness, no more longing, no midnight solitude, and no more crippling depression.

And it would only take one shot… He'd lose everything, but at least he wouldn't have to watch it happen.

That was Lassiter's final decision, as he began to tilt the gun in direction of his head turned off the safety and-.

"Drop your weapon detective!" A female voice ordered suddenly making Lassiter drop the gun in shock.

He sat up instantly, and looked desperately around for the source of the voice, and finally his eyes set on none other than his partner Lucinda Barry.

"Lucinda, how did you get in here?" Lassiter asked swinging his legs to the floor, hoping to deflect from the upcoming questions.

"You gave me a key for emergencies Carlton," Lucinda said walking up slowly to him. "And it was sure as hell a good thing I came, because it looked like you were about to shoot yourself!"

Lassiter hung his head in defeat, while Lucinda came to the couch and sat next to him.

"Carlton whatever it is, you can tell me," Lucinda encouraged placing a hand on Carlton's back, only to watch him stand up in response.

"Oh I must have accidently pointed it at myself while I was asleep," Lassiter said walking to the kitchen, mostly just to be out of there. "So what's up do we have a case or something? Give me the details."

"Bullshit Carlton. And no we do not have a case. I came because I wanted to talk to you about something, but you didn't even hear me knock. So my detective alarms went off," Lucinda explained as Lassiter poured himself a glass of water.

"To talk to me huh? Alright I'm all ears," Lassiter permitted after he downed the glass. He didn't want to have this conversation right now.

"I think we both know you need to go first," Lucinda said looking at him expectantly leaning on the doorway to the kitchen. "What's in your head?"

"I…" Lassiter began unsuccessfully as he sat the glass down on the counter. Lucinda out of everyone in Santa Barbra, was the one he wanted the least to know about his problems. Because she mattered the most since all of this began, and he wanted things to stay the same between them.

"Nothing you say will change what we have Carlton," Lucinda said after five minutes of silence.

"Yes it will…" Lassiter said his voice barely audible. "I'm a lie Lucinda."

"What do you mean?" Lucinda asked, watching Lassiter's back as he leaned over the kitchen counter.

"I mean… I mean I'm not invincible… Before I became head detective I was fighting with my wife, I let the stress of it get to me, and a little boy was kidnapped because of it…" Lassiter began. "I vowed that I'd never let my personal life affect my work again, after Vick tore me a new one. I came back, as the person I was back at the Department… but… the truth is Lucinda, I'm sick of being that person, but if I let myself be different I lose everything I have worked for. You're the only one who I feel I can call friend Lucinda… and I didn't want to lose that, at least not be alive to see it happen…" Lassiter finally admitted.

"Carlton, I never saw you as invincible. I saw you as a damn good detective, who is only human," Lucinda said making Lassiter turn and look her in the eyes for the first time that night. "You are strong, and are capable of great things, that I know isn't a lie. You would have that, with or without the mask. Being around people able who achieve great things can get to their heads, and make them forget in the end that person is just human. Conversely, those who can do great things, can get caught up in the glory, and forget to be human. Don't fall into that trap Carlton, you have every right to cry about all the crap in your life, it doesn't change the fact you are capable of great things. And tears won't change my opinion of you."

Lassiter felt the weight lift off his chest then, and he felt cold tears fall down his hot cheeks for the first time since before being kicked out.

Lucinda smiled at his tears, letting some of her own fall as she walked up to hug him. He didn't hesitate to hug her back, resting his chin on the top of Lucinda's head, enjoying the sparks of holding the one he knew he had hidden feelings for. For the first time in a long time, Lassiter felt right.

"Oh Lucinda, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Lassiter asked stepping back from the hug, but not far enough to completely dislodge their hug.

Lucinda, just smiled and tilted her head, and kissed him.

Lassiter kissed her back, forgetting everything around them, and not becoming aware again, until the next morning, when they were wrapped up in each other's arms in Lassiter's bed.

He felt like he could fly.

"You tried to commit suicide?" Shawn asked shocked.

"Yes I did. All because I fell too deep in the same trap you got yourself into, and the one I am to an extent still climbing out of," Lassiter explained wiping away stray tears with his free hand. "You are as of now the only one who knows what almost happened that night, since Lucinda is gone. For the same reason you don't want anybody to know of your night terrors."

"You still don't want other's opinions to change about you," Shawn realized, a lump developing in his throat.

"Exactly, I'm still trying to convince myself that tears won't change anybody's opinion of me. But I also fell into another trap," Lassiter explained. "I became one of those people who forgot that people who do great things are still human. I'm sorry I made that mistake with you Shawn," Lassiter apologized turning to meet Shawn's eyes, his eyes trying to unsuccessfully to hide the awoken hurt.

"Carly you… couldn't have…" Shawn attempted unsuccessfully, losing his voice between the inevitable sobs.

Lassiter didn't say anything, just pulled Shawn in close to him, until Shawn's head was lying against his shoulder, and let the man cry.


	10. Lassiter Has An Epiphany

The light rain had finally let up, and the first light of dawn was coming through the blinds of Shawn's window. Shawn had fallen asleep against him, likely a combination of exhaustion, relief, and the stress of so many tears. That had been over three hours ago, and Lassiter was relieved to see Shawn hadn't stirred once in his sleep. He definitely needed it after all, and if it meant that Lassiter had to remain perfectly still in a sitting position for an extended period of time, he was more than happy to comply. It gave him plenty of time to deal with his new epiphany.

He _loved_ Shawn. As soon as he revisited the memories of his first night with Lucinda and recalled the sparks he had when he first held her, then compared them to what he felt when holding the sleeping Shawn, Lassiter couldn't deny it. But why so sudden? With Lucinda, things developed overtime, though he spent the majority of the time denying his feelings, for the sake of the relationship with his wife. With Shawn, these feelings developed within a day, and it wasn't that he had minded that it happened.

He just wanted this love to be real, and not a product of the recent events that would end in both of them getting hurt. Shawn had been hurt enough…

Besides, what if Shawn didn't have the same feelings? Then everything would be too awkward for Lassiter to help him, and Lassiter was among the few in Shawn's life who knew how to help him with his problem, beyond the PTSD.

No, he couldn't act on these urges, they were just too sudden. Shawn's recovery had to come first, and if he was going to be staying with him until this was all over, it'd be easier if his feelings stayed hidden.

Or would it…?

Just sitting here with Shawn's head on his chest was making him crazy.

Then as if waiting for him to have this thought, Shawn's eyes began to open, and he looked up at Lassiter with a smile. "Good morning Carly," Shawn said sitting up and stretching.

Lassiter frowned. "I was hoping you'd sleep longer… You look like you need it. You've only been asleep for three hours."

"That's still three more than I have been getting, and from the looks of you, three more than you have gotten last night!" Shawn teased as he stood up and began to walk to his kitchen.

"Well forgive me for having a lot on my mind," Lassiter growled making Shawn laugh.

"I get it, just don't become an insomniac because of me," Shawn said opening the fridge and frowning. "I forgot that I need to go grocery shopping. So why don't we grab breakfast and then go to the store? If you're staying here, I should feed you."

"I'll pay for breakfast," Lassiter said standing up as well. "You already bought me two meals, I should repay the favor."

Another epiphany hit Lassiter as he looked down at himself. He hadn't brought any extra clothes. He'd just slept in his under shirt and boxers the night before, and with these new found feelings for Shawn, standing in the middle of Shawn's living room in underwear made Lassiter _very_ uncomfortable. Of course, he just had to drop pizza on his dress shirt from the suit he wore the day before. At least the pants were still clean.

He turned to Shawn and blushed, watching as the other man took an anti-depressant and realized that all Shawn was wearing were boxers with pineapples on them, exposing his broad shoulders and well-defined abs that Lassiter wanted to wrap his arms around and stroke.

Oh yeah… This was not going to be easy on him.

"Hey Shawn…" Lassiter began quickly turning away from the man.

"What's up?" Shawn asked, noting his back was turned to him.

"Do you think I could borrow a shirt and grab a shower?" Lassiter requested blushing. _'A cold one at that…'_ Lassiter added in his head. At least he didn't have to borrow pants.

"Go ahead! Pick a shirt and I'll go find you some towels, so you don't have to run around wet all day," Shawn said walking to his hall closest.

Lassiter didn't even look at the shirt he was grabbing, just snatched it from the spinning rack and high tailed it to the bathroom. Fast enough to not look suspicious, while hoping to avoid the sight of Shawn's bare chest, which would hopefully be covered by the time he was out of the shower.

Setting the shirt on the sink, Lassiter rose his under shirt over his head, unaware that Shawn watched with a smile on his face.

"Here's a couple of towels, wash cloths are under the sink," Shawn informed, making Lassiter jump and turn in surprise. Shawn was only inches away from him.

"Thank you Shawn," Lassiter said keeping his under shirt mostly over his chest and staring just above Shawn's head.

Shawn noticed this too grinning inwardly, and knew what Lassiter was feeling. Lassiter was being shy, over polite, awkward, and having sudden reluctance to have any arousing parts of anatomy shown. Lassie had a crush on a certain fake psychic. Not that he had a doubt, but he knew the feelings had finally surfaced to his conscious, and Shawn was going to have him admit it by the end of the week.

"I'll leave you to it then," Shawn said turning around and shutting the door to the bathroom behind him. He then went to grab some clothes, plotting his plan of attack to get Lassie to confess.

Lassiter stood in the middle of the bathroom awkwardly for countless seconds, still holding his shirt like he was some teenage girl about to have her breasts seen by some unknowing stranger.

"Pull it together Carlton…" He sighed to himself, setting the undershirt on the sink, and doing the same with his boxers, fighting the anxiety of doing so every second.

He was now butt naked in Shawn's bathroom. This wouldn't have been so awkward yesterday or last night, if only he hadn't remembered that first night with Lucinda.

"Alright… Let's get this over with," Lassiter said to himself as he turned away from the door and stepped into the bathtub-shower combo.

Attempting to focus on the task at hand, Lassiter turned the water on, letting the lukewarm droplets rinse his body of the tension. He tried to clear his head of Shawn, but found himself unsuccessful when he began to lather his hair with shampoo.

"It smells like pineapple. No wonder Shawn always smells like pineapples…" Lassiter said thoughtfully, before shaking the thoughts away. _'Focus Carlton! You're ignoring these feelings, and if you keep thinking about Shawn it will only make it harder for you!'_

Finishing the shower without any more lingering thoughts, Lassiter picked up the towel and began to dry himself off, making sure to keep his eyes away from the hamper and the broken mirror. As he was slipping on his boxers, Lassiter made the unfortunate realization of the shirt he had borrowed from Shawn.

It was a green t-shirt with a giant pineapple on the front of it.

He couldn't wear his regular work pants with a t-shirt that had a giant pineapple on it! He'd look even more ridiculous than he already would be wearing Shawn's shirt and the smell of pineapple coming off his hair. The only way to fix this was to borrow a pair of Shawn's pants. If he was going to look unprofessional, might as well go all the way. Whether or not this was the actual case or that part of Lassiter's subconscious really wanted to get into Shawn's pants in some form, and was using this as a convenient excuse to do so, was something he decided not to dwell on.

Defeated, Lassiter opened the door; feeling exposed in his boxers, and looked out to find Shawn now fully clothed, scanning his kitchen and writing down items hastily on a list.

"Shawn…" Lassiter began making Shawn turn to him. Shawn had the audacity to grin. It pissed Lassiter off, but he managed to keep a lid on it.

"Yes Carly?" Shawn said his green eyes locked with Lassiter's blue.

"Can I borrow some pants too?" Lassiter asked trying not to look directly into his eyes, feeling like he would crumble under them.

"Why Carly if you wanted to get into my pants so bad you should have said so! Normally I don't put out until the third date, but I've known you for a while so I guess I can make an exception," Shawn said licking his lips suggestively. Lassiter felt his cheeks grow hot.

"If I wear my work pants I'll look stupid, that's all!" Lassiter complained as Shawn laughed.

"Oh alright, but just because you look so _sexy_ in my pineapple t-shirt, and I just really want to see you in casual clothes!" Shawn agreed making Lassiter narrow a glare at him.

"Don't make me shoot you! Because I will," Lassiter warned in as intimidating of a tone as he could manage while going to the clothes rack and snatching a pair of pants angrily. In his mind however, he was overjoyed Shawn had referred to him as sexy, even if Lassiter was in denial, and Shawn was more than likely joking.

The pants, Lassiter noted as he slipped them on, didn't even cover his ankles, but they would have to do. He turned back to Shawn who was still grinning at him.

"Gus is never going to believe this," Shawn said before walking up to Lassiter. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be I guess." Lassiter said snatching his wallet and car keys. "I feel ridiculous."

"If it's any consolation, I think you look really good in my clothes. Jeans look especially good on you," Shawn said as they began out to the car.

"Really?" Lassiter asked. Shawn sounded sincere, and it made Lassiter smile in spite of himself.

"Really," Shawn replied. "Now come on, I hear pineapple pancakes calling my name!"

' _Maybe I should wear jeans more often…_ ' Lassiter thought to himself as he got into the driver's side of the car.

Dear god he was starting to act like a teenage girl!

"Okay first thing we need is pineapple!" Shawn announced as he bounded into the store with Lassiter following close behind him with a cart.

"Don't you ever get sick of pineapple?" Lassiter asked as Shawn's eyes went wide in appalled shock.

"Don't speak such nonsense! You'll upset the pineapples!" Shawn said picking one up and stroking it, before putting it down gently in the cart.

"What the pineapples have spirits now too?" Lassiter said rolling his eyes.

"Yes Carly! They have the most tender spirits in the world! If you upset them they lose their good taste," Shawn warned as he glanced down at his list again. "Onward to bread!" Shawn said pointing to the bread isle.

That's when Lassiter froze in his tracks.

"What's wrong Carly?" Shawn said once he noticed the lack of footsteps following him. "Oh no did the angry pineapple spirits take over your body?! I'll save you!" Shawn said as he wrapped his arms around Lassiter's waist and began to gently squeeze.

Lassiter didn't even notice Shawn make this movement, because walking towards him, with little Iris holding her hand, was Chief Vick.

"Detective Lassiter, I was of the understanding that you were helping a friend recover from a heart attack," the Chief informed him, staring him down with that "explain yourself" glare she was infamous for. "Instead you're here with Mr. Spencer, wearing his clothes I might add."

"I… I can explain!" Lassiter insisted as the Chief let go of her daughters hand and crossed her arms.

"Please do," the Chief replied as Lassiter opened his mouth, but found words would not come out.

"Allow me to explain on Carlton's behalf Chief, as our Head Detective here cannot seem to speak, due to the angry pineapple spirits in his body. Yesterday when he came by to check on me via your orders, he found me unconscious," Shawn explained. He'd assumed that's why Lassiter came, because he normally avoided that place like the plague.

"Unconscious? Lassiter you told me Shawn was fine!" The Chief said glaring at Lassiter again, who found himself still unable to form words.

"That's because I asked him to lie to you Chief," Shawn explained pulling the chief slightly away from her daughter to tell the rest the story secretly.

"Listen, what happened was that the spirits have made sleep impossible for nine days straight. Well I decided to take some sleeping pills, but by that point I was so tired that I kept forgetting if I had taken the pills, and accidently overdosed. Thankfully, Lassie there figured it out, and saved me from near death. This last part may sound selfish, but I told him not to tell you because I didn't want to worry you. He's been staying with me on my behalf, so if you're mad at anybody be mad at me," Shawn requested as the Chief looked back at Lassiter and stared at him.

"Alright Mr. Spencer I believe you," The Chief said walking back over to Lassiter who was now looking hopelessly at the ground. "Keep an eye on Shawn for me Carlton. You have as much paid vacation as you need- _just update me…"_ She whispered to him as she took Iris's hand and began to walk away again.

"Will do Chief," Lassiter said as she passed. He turned back to Shawn whose hand was now clutching the cart, as he stared at the floor.

"I don't think she bought it," Shawn sighed not even looking up at Lassiter.

"Claiming spirits would have been believable, but she has too much experience with these situations… You alright?" Lassiter asked as Shawn smiled.

"Am I happy that she knows? No. But as I've been told, I have a right to be human. Now to the bread!" Shawn announced pumping his fist forward.

Lassiter followed two steps later. Shawn was being honest with him, opening up in a way he wouldn't with anyone else, he'd even saved him from the Chief's wrath by exposing the partial truth.

He couldn't help but feel his love deepen for Shawn, in spite of his brain telling his heart otherwise. Lassiter just hoped he could keep his mouth shut about it, for both their sakes.


	11. Shawn Shoots Things Here

"You know, you and I should go back to your place and just go at it!" Shawn said as they sat together in the car, going back to Shawn's place.

"Wait what?" Lassiter said turning so red Shawn couldn't help but laugh.

"I said we should go by your place so that you can grab stuff you might need. I don't think you want to borrow my clothes every day," Shawn lied as Lassiter nodded. "What did you think I said?"

"Nothing…" Lassiter said making a turn toward his street.

Lassiter was going crazy; every time he let his mind wander to Shawn, the psychic would say something, and Lassiter would mishear it into something sexual. The first time he _thought_ Shawn asked if he had condoms and lube on him, when he'd actually asked if he liked cracked wheat bread or white. The second time Lassiter misinterpreted the phrase: Would you like to watch a movie tonight? With: I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue. Lassiter was still trying to figure out how he even remotely got that one. It was like Shawn was purposely speaking right when Lassiter's thoughts on the man were at their most distracting and sexual.

There was only one way to solve situations like this! Okay- there were two ways, but Lassiter wasn't going there! And that was going to the shooting range and shooting something.

"Say Shawn, what would you say about going to the shooting range?" Lassiter asked once they reached a stop light.

"You're actually inviting me to the shooting range?" Shawn asked, a sly grin coming to his face.

"Not the police one of course. But the public one couple of miles from my house," Lassiter offered as Shawn laughed.

"Sure, Gus and I go there all the time," Shawn agreed as Lassiter cocked an eyebrow.

"You know how to work a gun?" Lassiter asked with disbelief.

"Are you forgetting about the time you told me: Good shooting _detective_?" Shawn reminded him, emphasizing the word detective.

"Oh God you're not going to let me forget that are you?" Lassiter said annoyed. "That was just a lucky couple of shots! I'll show you some real shooting!"

"Whatever you say Carly," Shawn said rolling his eyes and staring at the traffic light in front of them.

Lassiter's thoughts wandered back to that day again. Shawn had been brave throughout the entire ordeal of being kidnapped, based on the witness statement Shawn had given him in writing later that following week. His bravery was intoxicating to Lassiter, with the way he'd just untied himself from the back of the truck, and jumped onto Lassiter's brand new police issued vehicle. Of course Lassiter was a little pissed at the time, but was more relieved that Shawn was within his reach. Remembering that time made Lassiter want to slowly stroke Shawn's heroic muscles, until he casually slipped his hands-

"I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated," Shawn suddenly said as Lassiter's face went bright red.

"Wait what?!" Lassiter demanded as Shawn pointed up at the traffic light.

"I said the light is green, and we should go," Shawn said as Lassiter quickly stepped his foot on the gas and bypassed the turn to his house went straight toward the shooting range.

He definitely needed to shoot something!

"We don't have anything that needs to get in the fridge immediately right?" Lassiter asked not noticing he was slightly over the speed limit.

With a smirk Shawn replied, "No."

"Good, then let's go to the shooting range first!" Lassiter said making a violent turn to the shooting range.

…

There was never a time in his life, that Lassiter was so happy to have a gun in his hand, than right there in the shooting range with a target in front of him. This time even bypassed the multiple times he had to pull one in defense whenever a criminal tried to kill him.

Shooting gave Lassiter a clear head; surely it would help with his new tension with Shawn. He looked to him in the next lane, currently slipping on the necessary protection.

"So Carly, how's about we make a little wager," Shawn said with a sly grin. "Whoever makes the best shot wins. If I win, you cook dinner tonight. If you win, I will. What do you say?"

"I say dust off your apron Shawn, because you're going to lose," Lassiter said as he pointed the gun at the stationary target, and aimed at the center chest.

He emptied the chamber, managing to land all but three shots in the center circle, and one just out of circle on the target's head. Lassiter smiled. "Beat that Shawn," Lassiter challenged putting in a new round.

He watched as Shawn smirked, before taking aim and firing all shots cleanly in the center of the target, and one in the center of its head.

"Ho-ly shit Shawn!" Lassiter said his mouth dropping open as he walked up to Shawn, who smiled.

"I told you I know how to work a gun. I can do it one handed too if you'd like to see. Either hand, pick one," Shawn said replacing the round.

"How did you do that?" Lassiter asked as Shawn shook his head.

"A lot of practice when I was younger, how else do you think I got so good at Police Trainer?" Shawn asked reminding him of their time at the arcade just a couple of days ago and coming within three inches of the detective's face.

Lassiter didn't seem to notice. "I thought it was just a fluke… You're really good at this," Lassiter complimented, suddenly determined to beat him. "Alright Shawn, this time if you manage to beat me, I will not only cook dinner, but I will cook you pineapple upside down cake!"

"You're giving me true incentive Carly! Do you even know how to make pineapple upside down cake?" Shawn asked cocking the gun and aiming.

"Yes I do, not that I'll need it," Lassiter said as both men began shooting at once.

Sure enough, when they went to compare, Shawn's shots were right on the money.

"So... that wasn't just dumb luck." Lassiter said with disbelief. Now he had to cook! He hated cooking- At least the shooting had done its job, because he didn't find his mind wandering back to Shawn in that not-so-clean way.

"Looks like you're making me pineapple upside down cake Carly!" Shawn said grinning much more than Lassiter thought necessary.

"Oh shut up." Lassiter growled aiming again. "I can guarantee you by the end of the hour I'll be able to make those exact same shots!" Upon saying this, he emptied the round, still making three shots out of their mark. He growled, and put in another, aaimed, and was ready to shoot again, when a pair of hands rested atop his wrists.

Maybe the shooting hadn't done what Lassiter hoped it would.

"You're never going to get it just aiming and firing like that. It depends on the wrists just as much as it depends on the elbows," Shawn said into his ear, making Lassiter's breathing hitch. Shawn's breath was hot against his neck, his hard chest pressed firmly against Lassiter's back, sparks coming at Lassiter stronger than they had ever been. All Lassiter could think was that if this were anyone else, he'd probably slap them. With Shawn though, all he wanted was to have him closer…

Twenty seconds later, Lassiter came back into reality to find Shawn still standing there holding his wrists. Lassiter's cheeks were hot, and he quickly begun shooting at the target in an attempt to distract Shawn from the fact he had just been standing there.

When the round was empty, Lassiter could feel Shawn smile as his hands dropped and he backed away slowly from him. Lassiter didn't look up at the target, just looked at the ground. 'Dammit Shawn you're not helping!' Lassiter thought irritated, as his face began to glow again. Why did Shawn always have to invade his personal space?

"See, all in the wrists!" Shawn said suddenly making Lassiter look up to find several shots in the middle circle, and one in the head.

"I did it!" Lassiter said a rare grin taking over his face.

"Just because I taught you how to do that doesn't mean you're off the hook for dessert." Shawn replied as he went back to his own lane and emptied another clip.


	12. I Have No Name For This Chapter

" _Lassie!"_ Shawn yelled as his eyes settled on Lassiter's bloody body. The detective's arm was still moving.

" _Spencer…"_ Lassiter said weakly, and Shawn began to run to him, only to hear a gun cock in his ear.

" _Sorry Shawnie,"_ Yang's voice rang, making Shawn turn to find the murderous woman standing behind him, pointing a gun right at Lassiter's head.

" _You… You can't take Lassie from me… You can't take everybody away!"_ Shawn yelled, as he made a lunge toward Lassiter, right as Yang shot the gun.

The next thing Shawn knew he was sitting on the bathroom floor, leaning against the bathroom counter, his right hand occupied by another that felt warm and comforting. The ceiling above him was spinning and he felt like he was burning on the inside. He couldn't breathe but in short breaths. His heart was beating so fast he could swear it would explode, which wasn't unlikely considering how badly his chest hurt.

"Everyone is okay Shawn," Lassiter's said softly, making Shawn turn his head to meet his eyes.

"Carly… You're safe…" Shawn said between hyperventilating breaths, letting Lassiter gently pull him to his feet. As soon as they were standing, Shawn's arms wrapped around Lassiter, feeling the sting of tears roll down his already wet face.

Lassiter returned the gesture. "I'm safe… You're safe… You're okay," Lassiter assured him, squeezing gently. "Everyone is safe."

After a few minutes, Lassiter had Shawn safely on the couch, holding against his forehead a wet wash cloth.

"Come on Shawn, in one… two… out one… two…" Lassiter encouraged, as Shawn attempted to parallel his breaths to Lassiter's count. After a little while, Shawn's breathing was stabilized, and his chest no longer hurt. Guess he had to give Gus's Lamaze breathing credit.

'Twenty minutes…' Lassiter thought to himself, as the last symptoms of Shawn's panic attack began to pass.

The now silence between them was deafening.

It had been two days and three nights since their day at the shooting range, and Lassiter's feelings had only gotten stronger. It got to the point he found himself sitting closer to Shawn when they were together on the couch, or finding himself absently grabbing and holding Shawn's hand when they left his apartment for lunch or dinner, often not noticing until they got to the car. When Lassiter did these things, Shawn let him do it. The days were, if Lassiter would admit it, brighter than they had ever been with Victoria or Lucinda, even if this love would not be acted upon.

At night however, Shawn was getting progressively worse. Lassiter had been timing his panic attacks, and measuring their intensity. They were increasing time wise, and their growing intensity was visibly present in Shawn. He would tremble uncontrollably now, and the exhaustion was taking obvious tolls on both of them. Lassiter could deal with it, but Shawn had been almost thirteen nights with little restful sleep and was becoming paler by the day.

It was starting to worry Lassiter to the point of becoming an insomniac himself, with or without Shawn's screaming waking him. But what could Lassiter really do? He promised to help Shawn, but he was getting worse, and Lassiter didn't know what to do aside from help Shawn through his panic attacks by becoming the strong one for the time being.

"I'm so tired…" Shawn said suddenly his voice hoarse, and out of breath. "I can't keep doing this Carly…"

"This won't go on forever," Lassiter promised him as Shawn put his head in his hands.

"Yeah you're right… I'll die of exhaustion eventually," Shawn informed him. There was slight malice to his voice now, something Lassiter knew was a side effect of both PTSD and sleep deprivation.

"No you won't, we'll think of something. We'll get these dreams to stop," Lassiter assured him as Shawn sat up again, revealing his face, still wet from tears. Seeing this, Lassiter grabbed Shawn's hand squeezed hard. "We will get through this Shawn," Lassiter assured him, "one way or another."

Shawn nodded leaning his head back against the couch. He was desperate for these dreams to stop, he needed to sleep, but sleep wasn't safe anymore. Even as he thought this though, his eyes began to close.

Lassiter watched as Shawn fall asleep, and soon felt his own eyes start to close. He hated to have to make the suggestion for therapy if Shawn didn't get better. Lassiter knew this problem needed specialized help, but didn't know how open to the idea Shawn would be. Both of them were desperate, and Lassiter still wouldn't leave until he was better. Maybe not even after that.

Lassiter looked at Shawn through sleep hazy vision, fighting to keep his eyes open. His last conscious thought escaped to his lips, and he let them shut, since Shawn was already asleep.

"I won't leave you Shawn…" Lassiter said as he entered the realms of a dream.

Unknown to Lassiter, Shawn's eyes were closed, but he was _not_ asleep. He gave an easy smile and came in closer to Lassiter, leaning his head on his shoulder, feeling himself enter a dream that was, for once, not horrible.

...

Gus couldn't help but feel uneasy as he scanned the airport for Henry. Throughout the entire flight all Gus thought about was Shawn, and the fact that he was on Zoloft. He'd run through all of the uses of Zoloft over and over in his head, and none of them seemed to apply to Shawn. There was the treatment of Depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, social anxiety disorder, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, panic disorder, and posttraumatic stress disorder.

He could knock out obsessive-compulsive disorder because Shawn never cleaned anything in the first place and he could rule out premenstrual dysphoric disorder unless he'd been having sleepovers with a woman who looked a lot like a guy. Gus also knew from spending so much time with Shawn, that he in no way had social anxiety disorder, so that option was gone. As much as Gus wished Shawn had panic disorder sometimes, it would certainly make their lives at work a lot safer, he knew Shawn didn't have it. The only two options left were Depression and Posttraumatic stress disorder. He knew it couldn't be PTSD, because Shawn was Shawn, and almost never took anything seriously enough to traumatize him.

Then that left Depression, but that deduction perplexed Gus. When something upset Shawn, like when his parents got divorced, he lashed out. He didn't sit at home and cry about it, and aside from being a little off when he left him, Shawn didn't seem depressed. It just didn't make sense, and it was exactly the reason why Gus abandoned his company trip and came right back to Santa Barbra.

"Gus!" He heard Henry yell, making him turn to find the elder Spencer walking up to him.

"Mr. Spencer," Gus greeted. "Have you heard from Shawn since the dinner?"

"No, his phone goes straight to voice mail, so for all I know he's skipped town again." Henry replied grabbing one of Gus's bags and began to walk back to the car. Gus trailed behind him.

"Let's hope not," Gus said frowning. "Drop me off at my house so that I can pick up my car and go look for Shawn." He got into the truck.

"I don't know why he insists on telling me nothing Gus! The kid is impossible," Henry complained as he backed the truck out of the parking space.

Henry continued rambling, but all Gus did was nod at the right moments and keep his eyes focused on the road, toning Henry out. He hated conversations with Henry when he was this mad, and seven am was too early of a time to even think of pointing out that he didn't exactly take Shawn's feelings with much regard in the first place. That was probably part of the reason Shawn didn't tell him what was wrong.

They were driving past the Psych office when Gus noticed Shawn's motorcycle parked in the parking lot.

"Stop the truck," Gus said suddenly not moving his eyes from the motorcycle.

"Why?" Henry asked but pulling over anyway.

Gus didn't answer him, just unbuckled his seat belt and began to walk to the Psych office. "I'll call you later Mr. Spencer…" Gus called back over his shoulder.

Henry watched him perplexed for a moment, but then saw Shawn's bike parked in the lot of the office, and nodded slowly in understanding before pulling out into the road again.

At least Shawn was still in town.

...

As Gus attempted to enter the Psych office, he was surprised to find it locked. _Why would the office be locked if Shawn was in it? His bike was here, so Shawn had to be…_

He bent down and retrieved the key under the mat, since he left his keys in his bag that was currently riding in Henry's truck. Ultimately not the smartest move on Gus's part, but he was concerned for his best friend, so if he forget a few things here and there, whatever.

Stepping into the office, Gus couldn't help but feel like something had happened. Most of the office looked just like he'd left it, Gus noted, as his eyes settled on his open Pharmaceutical bag sitting upon his desk.

The only difference is… it was closed when he left it.

Walking up to it, he began to do a thorough search of its contents, and found a bottle of sleeping pills missing from the bag, based on the inventory list he had. He looked around for Shawn again, and in his search, found the missing bottle on the floor by Shawn's desk.

"What's that doing over here?" Gus asked himself picking up the open bottle. "And why is it empty?" Gus was perplexed now.

Empty bottle…

Shawn on Zoloft…

Shawn just a little off when he left…

"Oh my God!" Gus said in sudden realization, right as he heard footsteps approach the front door to the office.


	13. Reactions

As Lassiter observed Shawn throughout the morning, he couldn't help but sense something amiss with the psychic. He seemed normal, or at least as normal as a horribly sleep deprived Shawn with PTSD could be, but Lassiter felt something about him was _more_ off and the feeling only increased as the morning continued. Lassiter decided that the best thing to do was to make sure Shawn stayed at the apartment and rested. He told Shawn this, and Shawn agreed, and yet that morning, Shawn somehow convinced Lassiter that they needed to go down to the Psych office to pick up Shawn's copy of the _Breakfast Club_.

At first Lassiter thought Shawn said they had to go to the Psych office and pick up his copy of _Flash dance_ , and that was the last movie Lassiter needed to watch right now with his hormones aching for Shawn. The movie was provocative enough on its own, without having Shawn close to him on the couch. Knowing Shawn, he'd probably even get up and mimic the dance moves, exhausted or not.

"I can't believe you've never seen the _Breakfast Club_!" Shawn complained as Lassiter drove them to the Psych office.

"I've seen enough to know that it promotes children to be delinquents. They were a bunch of students in Saturday detention that's all," Lassiter informed him as Shawn's mouth dropped.

"That is sooo not all Carly! That is so beyond not all, it's inexcusable!" Shawn informed him crossing his arms. "Thankfully I have a copy of it in my desk! You cannot judge a movie by the first few minutes Carly, it's a classic, and I have a feeling you'll like it as much as I do!"

"We're driving to get it aren't we? I'm willing to watch it for you, even if I know it'll make me cringe," Lassiter informed him, as they pulled into the parking lot.

"And you won't regret it Carly!" Shawn assured him as they got out and proceeded to the Psych office.

"I certainly hope not," Lassiter said rolling his eyes, but smiling regardless, as Shawn opened the door and they walked in.

As they entered the main office, Shawn's footsteps paused, and Lassiter soon saw why. Standing in the middle of the office, was none other than Burton Guster, who looked up at Shawn with a broken face, holding the empty bottle.

' _Shit.'_ Was all Lassiter thought.

"Gus! I wasn't expecting you until next week," Shawn said his voice showing obvious signs of a mix of shock and hurt. Lassiter didn't have to look straight at him to know the foreign look of terror was back on Shawn's face.

"I came back early…" Gus said flatly, his stare unmoving from Shawn's eyes. "And I'm glad I did."

"Dude you're missing out on free food and a ski trip, why would you possibly be glad you came back early?" Shawn asked in attempts to deflect from the situation.

"Your father called me Shawn," Gus said, not beating around the bush, as Shawn gave an angry sigh.

"And he told you I was on medication didn't he?" Shawn said as Lassiter watched him walk to his desk and sit on the edge of it. "Figures."

He saw sweat begin to develop on the Psychic's face.

"What was he supposed to do Shawn? You wouldn't tell him anything," Gus informed him, as Shawn began to feel unbearably hot.

"Yeah because it's so easy to tell my dad what my problems are," Shawn said quickly whipping his hand across his forehead.

"I'll give you that one, but you should have known you could have come to me!" Gus informed him, as Lassiter kept his eyes solely on Shawn, who's sweating was only getting worse.

"It's not that easy for me Gus!" Shawn informed him, looking at the floor, as he shut his eyes tightly.

"Shawn," Lassiter said beginning to worry, but his words were lost as Gus began to raise his voice.

"I'm your best friend Shawn," Gus reminded him. "I don't understand how you couldn't open up to me! What is going on?"

"I'm just not ready to talk about it Gus," Shawn attempted, not looking up at him.

Shawn was starting to look ghostly pale, and before Lassiter knew it he was at Shawn's side. He interlaced a hand through Shawn's without even thinking of the witnesses, and Shawn didn't respond to it, just stared in a heavy sweat at the floor.

"Right and I'm supposed to wait until you're ready, while you try to commit suicide!" Gus complained and tossed the empty bottle of sleeping pills at him, which Shawn barely caught.

Shawn suddenly looked up at his best friend with a glare, and stood up, breaking from Lassiter's hand in the progress. "I did _not_ try to commit suicide! Don't make assumptions like that!" Shawn yelled, feeling his head begin to spin. Gus's anger melted quickly into concern, seeming to now recognize Shawn's sickly appearance.

"Shawn," Gus attempted softly reaching out to touch his friend, who just punched Gus in the arm and as his eyes clouded over in anger and something else Gus couldn't identify.

"Ya know what ? I can't even have you near me right now! You are my best friend, and as such you should know I'm not going to break down my defenses at your command! Ganging up on me isn't going to make me do shit," Shawn informed him plainly as he backed up against the desk again beginning to breathe heavily. "I… Carly…"

"Shawn what's wrong?" Lassiter asked immediately, his own panic beginning to set in as the Psychic's eyes glazed over in defocus.

Shawn didn't respond, didn't even register Lassiter's voice. Instead his eyes closed and his head tilted ever slightly back as his knees began to buckle under him. He suddenly fell quickly to the floor.

"Shawn!" Gus panicked reaching out to catch him, but didn't manage to.

Because one Carlton Lassiter had already caught him with blurring speed, that impressed Gus to no end.


	14. Theory Based On the Super Sniffer

"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! OH GOD!" Gus panicked as he paced around the hospital waiting room, annoying Lassiter to no end.

"Guster, sit down and be quiet or I will shoot you!" Lassiter threatened as Gus turned to where Lassiter was sitting in the chair, ringing his hands together. Gus just glared at him.

"Shawn is my best friend Lassiter! You may not care that he's here, but I do!" Gus said as Lassiter looked up and gave him a look so hard Gus actually turned to glance back down at his shoes.

"I _do_ care Guster! Shawn is my friend too. If he wasn't I wouldn't be here!" Lassiter informed him plainly. "I am just as worried as you are, but standing around panicking is not going to do Shawn any good. He needs us to be the strong ones right now, and you are not fulfilling that role as a best friend should. So make like a best friend and sit."

Defeated, Gus sat down next to Lassiter and laid his head face down in his hands, letting out an agitated breath that soon followed several sobs.

Lassiter felt bad for driving poor Gus to tears, but he was too worried about Shawn to do anything about it. They'd brought Shawn here after he collapsed over an hour ago, and they still weren't allowed to go in and see him. They weren't told a single thing pertaining to his condition. It made Lassiter's heart ache, to the point he himself was ready to cry, but he wasn't going to, at least not here.

Shawn was going to be okay. He had to be. Losing him was not an option. Lassiter loved him, even if he'd never, ever, ever, admit it aloud, he loved Shawn more than he'd ever loved Lucinda or Victoria. To hell with why the feelings arose, even if the feelings were likely to fade when Shawn became strong again, it didn't change how Lassiter felt now. When Lassiter loved someone, he didn't let them slip through his fingers without doing everything he could to have them not to! So god dammit, Shawn was going to be okay!

He _had_ to be okay.

"I should have seen it Lassiter," Gus said suddenly, breaking Lassiter from his thoughts and making him turn his head. "I should have seen something was wrong with Shawn! I should have seen that he was depressed, that he was going to try suicide, that he was going to try it again-."

"Stop right there Guster. Shawn told you, he didn't try to commit suicide, and that isn't what this is," Lassiter informed him. Despite being his best friend, it was obvious Gus didn't trust Shawn's words very much.

"How do you know?" Gus demanded looking up from his hands; his face was wet with tears, and before Lassiter could answer, Gus began to speak again.

"I'm sorry… I'm just hurt that Shawn wouldn't tell me what was wrong… And you know that he said he didn't want me anywhere near him." Gus admitted burying his face again. "He's never pushed me away Lassiter! I was always the one he came to; I've been there for him since we were practically babies! I don't know what went wrong…"

"Look Gus, I can almost guarantee there is nothing really wrong between you and Shawn, other than you two are both idiots. Shawn…" Lassiter trailed off, trying to find something to tell Gus that would reassure him without breaking Shawn's trust. "Shawn just needs you to be patient with him, and be there for him when he's ready. It's not that he doesn't trust you, it's just a side effect of what he is going through-"

"What is going on Lassiter? And why do you know so much?" Gus asked his voice regaining strength.

"I don't feel like that's my place to tell Guster. I _will_ tell you that he is safe," Lassiter told him as Gus nodded solemnly.

"God this is killing me…" Gus said falling back into his chair and staring at the ceiling. A few seconds later, his head turned back to Lassiter. "Thank you Lassiter."

"For?" Lassiter asked confused. He hadn't really done anything, at least under Guster's eyes.

"For staying with Shawn and keeping an eye on him," Gus replied with a smile as Lassiter blinked.

"I never told you that I was staying with Shawn," Lassiter said annoyed. If Gus was going to say he was psychic now too, he was going to slap him. A; because if he was, he should have known what was going on, and B; Lassiter was just not in the mood.

Gus's smile grew, and he pointed at his nose. "Super sniffer, you're wearing Shawn's shampoo. I know since you usually use lavender and now smell like Pineapple. I put the rest of pieces together myself, so I figure something happened along the lines of you found Shawn after he downed the bottle of pills, and have been staying with him ever since. Either that, or you two recently got romantically involved." Gus snorted "But since I know you wouldn't develop those feelings for Shawn, I'm pretty sure my first theory is correct." Lassiter felt his heart sink a little.

"That was the most under supported theory I have ever heard," Lassiter said angrily looking down at the floor. "You wouldn't have even been able to get a warrant on something as simple as a change in shampoos and you just based a whole fucking theory on a smell!"

"But?" Gus said hopefully, ignoring the detective's outburst.

Lassiter sighed.

" _Not_ _ **entirely**_ inaccurate…" Lassiter replied as Gus gave a light laugh.

"The super sniffer never fails. So wait, what have you been telling the chief?" Gus asked sitting up straight at the thought of Lassiter staying away from work and the chief letting him.

"I told you I had a lot of time saved up, and plus the chief knows a bit of what's going on. So I'm on paid leave until further notice," Lassiter replied as Gus smiled again.

"I didn't give you enough credit Lassiter, you really are Shawn's friend," Gus applauded, giving Lassiter a pat on the back.

"Just because I don't care most of time, doesn't mean I don't all of time. Sometimes things and people affect us," Lassiter said in barely above a whisper. "I'm only human, you're only human, and Shawn is only human. Just think on that before you make assumptions about those around you."

Gus opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted as the same doctor that Shawn had last time, approached them. His face was unreadable, and it made Lassie extremely uneasy.

"How is he?" Lassiter demanded standing up from his chair.

"He appears to have passed out due to stress and exhaustion. Make sure he gets some rest tonight," The doctor explained as Lassiter gave a sigh of relief, as Gus stood up from the chair.

"When can we take him home?" Gus asked as the doctor gave a small smile.

"Just as soon as he wakes up again, he's in room 333 if you'd like to go visit him," the doctor replied as Lassiter encountered a problem. He knew that Shawn was likely to have the dream again, and with Gus here, he knew the last thing Shawn would want would to have Gus see him in a state of panic. But it wasn't like he could just tell Guster to get lost and let him take care of it, that was his life-long best friend in there. Even if Lassiter did have a reason to, he didn't think he had the heart to lock Gus away from Shawn.

"Thank you again Doctor… What's your name anyway?" Gus asked.

"Dr. Dire," he replied. "Call if anything seems to get worse or if you have any other questions." Dr. Dire then departed, giving a lingering look at Lassiter, who just glared at him. At least Dr. Dire had kept Lassiter's threat under good measure, and hadn't mentioned to Gus what happened before, and hell he had a name now in case Dr. Dire did slip up.

Now what to do about Gus, and more importantly, what to do about Shawn, as Lassiter wasn't sure if he could go through this again, especially not to someone he lusted for. Panic attacks in the middle of the night sure, PTSD side effects sure, but not Shawn in the hospital collapsed from exhaustion. He should have guessed that was the problem in the first place, but it wasn't like Lassiter could fix it, he just flat out didn't have the skills to stop the night terrors.

Lassiter sighed heavily. He'd come to the conclusion before, but Lassiter knew he had to insist Shawn do this now. If it meant possibly having Shawn push him away, when he was in the rare position of having him open up, Lassiter was just going to have to take the risk. Even if he did, Lassiter wouldn't leave him, like it or not he loved Shawn, and he wasn't giving up.

Now if only he could figure out a way to convince Gus to leave Shawn's side, even when Gus knew the fragile position Shawn was in.

The solution was provided for him.

"Go ahead Lassiter," Gus said suddenly making Lassiter turn to him. Gus was looking sadly down at his shoes again.

"You know more about this than I do. And you both made it pretty clear that Shawn just needs some space. So, as painful as it is, I'm trusting you with my best friend, and doing my best to stay out of it until he's ready to bring me into it. Right now, you're the closest one to him, and if you hurt him, I will not hesitate in hurting you back," Gus said his voice deep with threat in the last statement. Lassiter nodded, he didn't really have to fear any serious physical harm from Guster, but he knew to take him seriously when it came to Shawn. He'd hate to put Shawn's best friend in jail.

"I'll do my best to keep Mr. Spencer at bay, that's what I'll do to help him for now," Gus promised giving a small smile as he looked up at Lassiter. "Go see Shawn; I know he wants to see you more than he wants to see me."

"Thank you Gus," Lassiter said giving a gentle smile back, as Gus nodded and began to exit without another word, Lassiter watching each step.

As soon as Gus was out of sight, Lassiter took in deep, staggering, breath, as an overwhelming sense of sadness began to befall him. He fought the need for tears as he walked down the hall to room 333, using most of his strength not to break out into a run. He was scarcely aware of his surroundings, and was surprised at how quickly he had ended up in front of Shawn's room.

'Pull it together Carlton…' Lassiter thought to himself as he opened the door, and pulled back the privacy curtain in front of it.

It was too much like before. Shawn's pale face was turned towards him, the dark circles were collected under his eyes, his entire face was lifeless to the point it was bone chilling. Lassiter walked up to Shawn's bedside, one of his hands interlaced with Shawn's, while the other traveled down Lassiter's face in agonized frustration. _This_ couldn't happen again. He couldn't let this continue in a violent circle. Neither of them would survive.

He felt Shawn's hand tighten around his, making Lassiter look up to find Shawn slowly opening his eyes. "Hey Carly…" Shawn's voice said wearingly. "What happened?"

Lassiter looked down again, tightening his hold.

"You passed out at the Psych office… Guster and I took you to the Emergency Room… The doctor said it was likely a combination of stress and exhaustion..." Lassiter explained his voice quiet in attempts to keep it even. "He went home though… Said that he was going to keep Henry at bay for you, and stay out of it until you were ready to involve him."

"Good old Gus… I can't believe I yelled at him like that… He was just scared, and he didn't deserve it… He was just being a good friend… I'm not even sure what made me say that in the first place…" Shawn explained releasing tears.

"It's the side effects of PTSD, sometimes you'll push close people away from you because of it. It's normal." Lassiter assured him gently, not looking up at him. It was too painful to do so.

Minutes passed in silence, before finally, Lassiter let his own tears fall, and Shawn brushed Lassiter's hand gently with his thumb, until the detective finally looked up at him in the eyes.

"This can't happen again Shawn," Lassiter said with as much strength as he could muster. "You need more help than I can give you," Lassiter began as Shawn nodded.

"I know Carlton…" Shawn said earnestly, as Lassiter relaxed. "I don't want to put you or Gus through this again… So I'll go, if you promise you'll come with me," Shawn requested giving a weak smile, which Lassiter returned.

"I promise," Lassiter said right as Dr. Dire walked in.

"Oh good Mr. Spencer you're awake," Dr. Dire greeted with a half-smile. "I was just coming to check on you."

"Glad you're here doc," Shawn said. "Is that therapist you mentioned good with PTSD?"


	15. So... Are We Shassie Now?

"We should go for a walk down the boardwalk," Shawn said as he stuffed the last of the spaghetti into his mouth.

"What?" Lassiter asked looking up at him. He was pretty sure he heard that right, but given recent events, he thought he'd better check. Especially since he'd misheard Shawn more since he'd told him it was Sunday while on their way back from the hospital earlier that afternoon. As the tension began to relax, Lassiter found his lust for Shawn persist in his mind when he let it wander, and right on cue Shawn would speak, and he'd mishear it completely into something dirty. Of course, Shawn was being much more persistent in speaking right when he was most distracted. It was if Shawn was doing it on purpose and it only dragged on as they made their way back to Shawn's apartment.

They had an appointment set up with one Mr. Harris on Wednesday, and Shawn had been given strict orders to rest after he was released from the hospital. Unfortunately both Shawn and Lassiter knew that sleep would just lead to another panic attack, so they settled for movies on the couch, during which Lassiter had realized they were so close together their thighs were touching, and in turn Lassiter had fallen in love with _The Breakfast Club_.

Shawn was right; it was more than the first few minutes. It was about breaking down stereotypes, forgetting all that was known before, and discovering who they really were. Lassiter now understood why Shawn was so insistent to watch it because Shawn and Lassiter had more or less broken down the wall that made them separate, and realized just how much in common they had. They also realized how much they had grown to trust each other in the past few days, just as those kids had in those few hours.

It made Lassiter wish that he didn't have to put Shawn through therapy. He knew from the Chief's mandated sessions of therapy that it would involve a lot of reliving that day and the horrors that came with it, and that everything would get worse for Shawn before it got better. Shawn was already in desperate need of a decent amount of sleep, and he knew Shawn wasn't going to get it any time soon. He wished there was something he could do to just make the night terrors go away now, so that Shawn wouldn't have to go to therapy after all.

The dismay over the entire ordeal had left Lassiter mostly silent during dinner, but Shawn managed to do enough talking for both of them. Shawn of course, lacked his usual energy, but that was to be expected given how much sleep he had in the past thirteen days. He didn't know how Shawn even had the energy to speak at all, so the suggestion to go for a walk on the boardwalk, assuming that's what Shawn actually said and it wasn't his mind play tricks on him again, came as a surprise to Lassiter.

"I said we should go for a walk down the boardwalk," Shawn said again grinning mischievously. "You should get your hearing checked Carly."

"The doctor said to stay home and rest Shawn, I don't think a stroll down the boardwalk counts as rest," Lassiter informed him, shaking his head.

"But Carlton, the rise of the full moon is calling to my psychic powers! Besides walking would help me relax, and it would do your aura some good," Shawn pointed out, pouting his lower lips in a childlike manner. "I mean come on, look out the window Carly!"

Lassiter turned his head out the window. Sure enough it was a cloudless night sky, filled with more stars than Lassiter had ever seen, and as Shawn said the moon stood full and proud in the night sky. The scene was calm and inviting, something neither of them had felt in a while, and the thought of walking side by side with Shawn with the sound of waves hitting their ears... well Lassiter was sold. Besides it might make up for the silence.

He looked back at Shawn, who was staring at him hopeful.

"A short walk, we're walking slow, and we're taking frequent rests," Lassiter informed him sternly.

Shawn's face lit up in a wide grin. "Great let's go!" He urged snatching Lassiter's hand and dragging him out the door at speeds Lassiter didn't even know a human could manage, let alone a sleep deprived Shawn Spencer.

"Shawn slow your ass down or we're staying here! You're going to make yourself pass out again!" Lassiter scolded as he was drug along.

Shawn slowed, but he kept Lassiter's hand firmly in his.

…

Lassiter couldn't remember the last time he felt so much at peace. All there was in his world right then were the gentle crashes of the waves, the star filled sky above them, an endless stretch of boardwalk, the chill of the blowing wind, and the sparks Lassiter felt while his hand was interlaced with Shawn's. They'd been holding hands for much longer than could be written off as just a friendly gesture, and Lassiter knew it. But walking side by side with Shawn, and being at such peace, Lassiter couldn't bring himself to pull away. He supposed now he was being just a little too careless, but at that moment it felt right, and it wasn't like Shawn was saying anything about it.

In fact, Shawn wasn't saying much of anything, Lassiter noted, starting to worry. Silence was abnormal for the psychic, affected by trauma or not. He turned his head to look at the psychic; he was just walking, staring straight ahead with a smile on his face, his skin had become whiter since they left the house. He mentally slapped himself for not paying attention to the psychic's health.

"You should sit down Shawn," Lassiter said suddenly, making the psychic pause in his footsteps. "You're starting to look pale again, and you've barely said a word since we left."

"Who wants to speak when the waves are so pronounced?" Shawn asked in defense of his silence, but walked up to the railing and jumped up to sit down on it anyway, with his back facing the ocean. Lassiter walked up beside him, leaning against the railing, watching the waves.

"I guess you have a point there," Lassiter granted. "I'm just not used to you being so quiet."

"Yeah well I've been pretty burnt out," Shawn said before turning his head to Lassiter. "So are you really going to make me say it first?" The question caught Lassiter off guard.

"Say what first?" Lassiter asked.

"About this thing between us," Shawn said, pointing first at Lassiter then at himself.

No this was not happening, Lassiter already decided that.

"Between us?" Lassiter said laughing nervously. "There's nothing between us," he quickly broke from Shawn's eyes. He couldn't bear to look into them, lest he crumble.

"Don't play dense Carly," Shawn smiled. "It doesn't take a psychic to tell what you're feeling. I mean come on; we've held hands countless times, you froze when I wrapped my arms around you at the shooting range; and I'm getting tired of waiting for you to fess up."

Lassiter sighed. Shawn was right, it wasn't like he was being discrete about his feelings. He could argue that he meant the hand holding to be comforting, but there wouldn't be much he could say to explain the scene back at the shooting range. Who knew that the range would bite him in the ass when it was supposed to save him from this very conversation?

"What do you want me to say Shawn? I'm not doing this with you," Lassiter informed him his voice rising without him meaning it to.

"And just why not?" Shawn demanded scooting off of the railing and onto the ground, and turning full on to Lassiter, who was still stubbornly glaring at the ocean. Lassiter didn't answer.

"Is it because we're both guys?" This made Lassiter turn, to find Shawn's face was inches away from his, his arms crossed, his eyes glaring at him, demanding an answer. He wasn't intimidating, but it definitely unnerved Lassiter to see Shawn's anger directed at him, it wasn't what he associated with the psychic.

"No it's not because we're both guys," Lassiter answered. He felt his cheeks become hot from having Shawn so close.

"Is it because of what you're afraid of what people at work will say?" Shawn challenged.

"Of course not," Lassiter replied. "I don't give a fuck of what my co-workers think of me." He honestly didn't, he'd stopped caring about that after that night with Lucinda.

"Do you really hate psychics so much that you won't date one?" Shawn challenged.

"No," Lassiter quickly replied.

"Well then what is it Carlton? Because obviously it doesn't bother you date a co-worker," Shawn said annoyed. Lassiter threw his arms down in distress.

"Because the only reason we are having these feelings between us is because you've been vulnerable and I've been there to help you," Lassiter said clearly frustrated. Shawn looked insulted.

"Carlton I've had the hots for you way before any of this," Shawn informed him. "I mean come on I've practically been throwing myself at you since day one."

"I think I'd have known if you were making a pass at me Shawn," Lassiter retaliated and Shawn laughed for half a second.

"Obviously not," Shawn began. "Over the years, I've slapped your butt, I've sat in your lap, I've groped you God knows how many times! I even went as far as to write you a love note, and you still didn't get the hint."

Lassiter took a second to mull this over. Perhaps he had been oblivious to Shawn's end of things. "Okay maybe you had feelings before this, but I didn't, and I don't want to hurt you Shawn."

Shawn just laughed. "That's where you are also wrong Carly," He began.

"I think I'd know about my own feelings Shawn," Lassiter crossed his arms. Sure maybe he had missed a few hints, but he was sure he and Shawn were just friends before all this.

"Carlton, you let me stand closer to you than anyone else, you got me my bike back when it was impounded, and I can't count the times you've manhandled me." Shawn waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "You may have not realized it Carly, but you felt something for me too, and don't even try to write it off as friendship, because you told me yourself that you didn't really admit to loving Lucinda until she admitted it to you first, for the sake of your relationship to your wife. That's the same as what's going on here Carly. You suppressed your feelings for me back then for the same reason, but things are different now, and I want you to admit it aloud," Shawn argued.

For a moment Lassiter was speechless, and he turned away from Shawn to the ocean. There was some truth to Shawn's words; okay there was a lot of truth to Shawn's words. Perhaps he really had been that blind to his own feelings all this time? That he had been burying these feelings for much longer than a few short days, and the recent events had really only forced him to bring these feelings to consciousness? Lassiter was so confused now.

If all this was true, would it really change things now? What if they didn't work out? They'd both end up being hurt. While Lassiter could deal with it, who knows what kind of edge that would push Shawn off?

"Look Carly," Shawn said suddenly, making Lassiter look at him again. "Don't hesitate because you're afraid we won't work out and you'll push me off the edge. It's not like I'm a teenager going through their first love or anything. I'll be sad if we don't work out, but I'm not going to push you away because of it. If I do push you away at any point, it will be because of PTSD side effects, not because of this." Shawn gestured to both himself and Lassiter. "I may be vulnerable, but I'm not stupid," Shawn encouraged.

"I…" Lassiter froze. There he went reading his thoughts again as though he really were psychic, which he wasn't, Lassiter wasn't going to be fooled. Lassiter's heart was beating so fast he could hear it in his ears. He wanted Shawn, and it obvious Shawn was willing to take the risk. But there was all the crazy that was Shawn, and all the calm that was Lassiter. They were different, they'd never really work.

' _No.'_ Lassiter thought to himself suddenly. They weren't that different. The past few days had proved that. Sure they didn't have everything in common, but they had seen each other at their weakest, something that was difficult for both of them. When someone can look at your real face, and come out still feeling the same, or even fonder than before, why shouldn't you chase them if your heart calls for it? Love was full of risks, such as letting someone see you at your worst, and they had done that. So really, Lassiter had no excuse. If Shawn was willing to take the risk, then so was Lassiter.

He took a deep breath; he had to say this now.

"I love you Shawn Spencer," Lassiter almost shouted. He could feel his cheeks burning in spite of everything that was exchanged. Lassiter watched Shawn put on the largest smile he had ever seen on the psychic's face, and his chest filled with warmth. Lassiter didn't get very long to savor the psychic's smile however, because Shawn had planted his lips on his.

He kissed back, becoming unaware to everything around them, lost completely in the feeling.

Little did they know, as they kissed, a woman a good thirty feet away was snapping pictures of them with a camera, whispering to herself: "Sorry Shawnie…"


	16. Detective Buzz Mcnab

"So… Are we Shassie now?" Shawn asked as he tilted his head toward Lassiter who was lying next to him in his bed staring pleasantly at the ceiling, both men completely void of clothing.

After a moment, Lassiter turned his head to look at Shawn and his eyebrow tilted upward. "We just had what was arguably the best sex in the _world_ and you're asking me that?"

Shawn laughed and arranged himself so that his head was lying on top of Lassiter's chest, leaving Lassiter to smile as he wrapped his arms around the psychic to pull him closer.

He was sure that sex was on Dr. Dire's no go list, but he honestly couldn't bring himself to care. The only light was the moon, which was coming from Shawn's window, making well known the late hour. But both men were perfectly awake, for better or for worse. While Lassiter couldn't be happier, in the depths of his mind he felt even more helpless. He now knew Shawn on an intimate level, both emotionally and physically, and that made Lassiter sympathize with Shawn's pain in a way that he hadn't before.

The thought of anyone else getting that deep into Shawn's pain made him protective, like a dog getting in between an injured owner and a nurse. He was ready to snarl and bite anyone who dared try to damage him further, whether that person was trying to help or not. But the reality was ever clearer, that he had to step down and let someone else take over, and that it was just out of his nature. He was the one who took charge and fixed problems. It's part of what made him a great Head Detective, he fixed problems, and he just couldn't fix this one. All he could do was hold tight to Shawn, and hold tight he would.

"I bet you didn't see this coming a couple of months ago," Shawn said staring up at Lassiter.

"Definitely not, but I'm sure you did Mr. _Psychic_ ," Lassiter found himself smiling again. Shawn however frowned.

"I…" Shawn sighed heavily. "Look Carly… I'm not psychic."

"Tell me something I don't know," Lassiter replied laughter clear in his voice. Shawn looked at him surprised.

"That was honestly not the reaction I was expecting from you," Shawn said bewildered.

Lassiter's grin grew wider. A couple of weeks ago Lassiter may have skipped down the station halls while ordering McNab to put Shawn in cuffs and throw him down into a cell, if Shawn had made that confession. But he realized back at the first trip to the hospital, that he didn't really care if Shawn was psychic or not, but rather he wanted to know how Shawn did it.

"There's no such thing as Psychics," Lassiter said, and Shawn relaxed. "That much I could figure out, and in the end you got the criminals to confess. What I can't figure out is how you do it."

"Eidetic memory and lightning fast thinking mostly, plus my dad has been training me since day one how to be a cop," Shawn explained, and it was Lassiter's turn to look shocked. "So fundamentally, what you may be able to put together after an hour, I can do in a few minutes, and I use that to beat you guys to the punch."

"That's how you do it? That's all you need to solve a case?" Lassiter asked. Shawn just nodded, frowning again. Suddenly the air felt heavy around them.

"She was right there the whole time you know Carly? She was behind the computer at the station, at the restaurant where Gus and I were eating lunch, she was even at the hotel disguised as a maid!" Shawn admitted releasing tears, as Lassiter held him tighter. "Ever since I started Psych my father kept telling me that one day I'm going to miss something vital to the case, and it's going to get someone hurt… and he was right. Yang was right there in front of me, and my mother got kidnapped because of it…"

"But in the end she survived. You have to use that memory of yours to remember that," Lassiter said uncharacteristically gently, "From one detective to another, if you keep going over things you missed after the fact, you'll miss something vital in the next case. You can't beat yourself up over being human."

"I know…" Shawn said his voice weak. "I just don't feel safe because of it… In the end what power do I really have over a situation?"

At this, Lassiter stroked Shawn's cheek, brushing away his tears, and then tilted his head so that they were eye to eye, and kissed him. After a countless amount of seconds, they parted, and Lassiter whispered, " _I_ will keep you safe Shawn…"

Shawn smiled in response, more tears escaping, snuggling further into Lassiter's warmth. Lassiter smiled back, readjusting his arms so that both were wrapped around the fake psychic again. Their bodies soon remembered the many hours of lost sleep, and before they knew it, their eyes had fallen closed, determined to snatch any sleep that would be granted.

…

Gus had stalled a good three hours after leaving the hospital before making the trip to Henry's house. He had to go to Henry's house, his apartment keys were in the bag, but he knew that if walked up to Henry Spencer empty handed, with no explanation to Shawn's behavior, then he wouldn't be able to keep him from intervening. So, he spent those three hours trying to come up with an explanation that would satisfy Mr. Spencer, but at the same time hide Shawn's real mental state.

In the end, poor Gus realized that anything he came up with, Henry would be able to see right through it. Henry wasn't nicknamed the human lie detector for nothing after all, and he earned that just from talking to hardened criminals. He'd known Gus since practically diapers, meaning he knew when he was lying. So after much debate, Gus settled for one answer; the truth.

His hand lifted to knock on Mr. Spencer's door, but before his knuckles could touch wood Henry had opened it, and hastily pulled Gus in.

"So what did you find out?" Henry demanded as he closed the door and Gus sat down on the couch. His arms were crossed, and his face hard, as though he were the hard-ass detective again from his younger days. After a moment Gus sighed.

"As to why he's taking the pills, he didn't tell me," Gus explained. He expected Henry to be angry, to jump in the truck and invade Shawn's apartment then and there, demanding answers, but he didn't. Instead, Gus watched the man's expression soften and his shoulders slump before sitting down heavily next to Gus and putting his face into his hands. The sight of him made Gus confused. Henry Spencer didn't give into emotion, the man didn't have any. Except anger, he definitely had anger. But grief and worry? That was foreign…

"So he wouldn't even tell you anything?" Henry asked his hands falling, and his head turning toward Gus. His eyes were pleading, and it made Gus's heart sink.

"No, he went off on me, and said he wasn't ready to talk about it," Gus explained and Henry sighed heavily.

"But you're his best friend, I thought if he wouldn't talk to me he'd at least talk to you…" Henry said solemnly. "Why can't he just talk to us?"

"I'm not sure it's that easy right now Mr. Spencer," Gus began making Henry look up. "Look, I didn't really consider it before, because… Well he's Shawn, but if Shawn is on Zoloft, then there is a problem beyond just talking about it. Depending on why he's taking it, it may be that talking about it will make it worse, and trying to force him will only make him push us away."

"I know that," Henry said frustrated. "But if we don't get him to talk to us, what's to stop this problem from getting worse?"

Gus hesitated for a moment, before looking down at the floor and said, "Lassiter."

"Lassiter?" Henry asked perplexed. Gus nodded.

"He's been staying with him and somehow he's been able to get him talking. I couldn't get much out of him, because he doesn't want to break Shawn's trust, but he's the one helping Shawn right now, and we both know that under his watch it's _not_ going to get worse," Gus assured him. He only hoped that Henry wouldn't ask how Lassiter came to be there for Shawn, he didn't want to tell him about the pills Shawn had taken before, that would definitely throw Henry off the edge. Henry nodded slowly, his hands together in his lap.

"So how do we help Shawn?" Henry asked.

"Give him space. Let him come to us when he's ready, not hold anything against him," Gus answered. "Like it or not, that's all we can do."

"Then that's what we'll do." Henry decided.

…

Sunlight entered the window; casting a light upon Lassiter's face and making him open his eyes. He and Shawn were still wrapped in each other's arms, he was still sleeping peacefully. Glancing over at the clock, he noticed it read 7:00 am, meaning he and Shawn had been asleep since about 10:00 pm. That was the first time they had been successfully asleep for more than three hours in a week, he was surprised that Shawn hadn't had the night terror yet.

Just then, Shawn began to wake up, stretching his arms across Lassiter's torso, then opened his eyes, and greeted Lassiter with a smile. "Good morning Carly."

"Good morning to you," Lassiter said smiling back, wondering what had kept back the night terror. The only thing they had done different was fall asleep together…

That's when it hit him.

"Shawn, you didn't have the night terror last night," Lassiter said his smile almost eclipsing his face as he sat up and pulled Shawn upward with him. "And you didn't have the night terror when I was holding your hand yesterday at the hospital! Shawn do you know what this means?" Lassiter asked excited.

"That you are way too excited for seven in the morning?" Shawn said tilting his eye brow and smiling.

Lassiter laughed, then placed his hands over Shawn's cheeks. "No, it means that all you need to ward off the night terrors is for me to be next to you! You don't have to go to therapy!" Lassiter explained, Shawn's eyes lit up further, and he pulled Shawn's face in for another kiss. Shawn responded by wrapping his arms around his neck, and dragging them back down into the bed.

Shawn and Lassiter felt like they could fly.

…

Buzz McNab's face was pale as he hung up his work phone. To think things had been going so well for him. Within the last two weeks, his cat had a litter of kittens, Francine had confirmed she was pregnant, and he was finally promoted to detective with Juliet as his temporary partner. He couldn't have been happier, and now this had to happen.

"Hey Buzz," Juliet greeted as she approached his desk. Her usual bright smile faded upon seeing him, as Buzz stood up from his desk. "Is everything okay?" She asked following him as he began to walk toward the Chief's office.

"We got a big problem," Buzz explained as he walked.

"What is it? Is it Francine? Is something wrong with the baby?" Juliet asked. "Because I will totally cover your paperwork for you if it's about them!"

Buzz didn't answer her, just opened the door to the Chief's office without even knocking. He would have, but even with his new detective rank, he was too frazzled to remember to do so. The Chief looked up from her paperwork, and any repercussion to the failure to knock was forgotten when she saw Buzz's face.

"Can I help you Detective McNab?" She asked calmly glancing at Juliet who just stood beside him confused.

"I just got a call from the asylum," Buzz began, "Yang has escaped."

"How long?" The Chief asked, standing from her desk and motioning for O'Hara to shut the door.

"They believe two weeks," Buzz replied, his arms folded behind his back.

"And we're just hearing about this now?!" The Chief demanded. "How the hell did she escape from a top security asylum?"

"Chief it might not be such a bad situation, we already know it was really Yin to commit all of those murders," Juliet attempted but Vick shook her head.

"She is still dangerous, and we need to find her and get her off the street," The Chief emphasized, folding her arms and glaring at both Juliet and Buzz. "I want you two to investigate how this happened and where she's hiding before she decides to make a move. _Do not_ leak this to any press, I do not need the public alarmed!"

"Shouldn't we call Mr. Spencer for this Chief? After all he is the one who caught her the first time," Buzz offered, "or at least call Lassiter back in."

"Yeah Chief it-," Juliet followed only to be interrupted.

"No," Vick said firmly. "They are not to get involved in this case unless I say so. Both of you are to keep this on a need to know basis. Any new information I want to come to me immediately." The Chief ordered. "Now go to the asylum and see what evidence may be left, and for God sakes keep your eyes peeled for any traps! Am I clear?"

"Clear," Buzz confirmed nodding.

"Chief, if Yang is still dangerous-" Juliet attempted, as Vick rose her hand.

"I will handle it O'Hara, go," Vick ordered again as Juliet nodded and walked solemnly out with Buzz.

With them gone, Vick sat down heavily in her chair again. She hated to keep her two best detectives out of the loop, but if she mentioned the news to them they'd both be back. Based on the update she received from Lassiter this morning, she knew that Lassiter was where he needed to be. That place, was with Shawn, who, if she could help it, wouldn't ever know that Yang had escaped.


	17. Lassie Takes A Shot In The Dark

" _Shawn, you didn't have the night terror last night," Lassiter said his smile almost eclipsing his face as he sat up and pulled Shawn upward with him. "And you didn't have the night terror when I was holding your hand yesterday at the hospital! Shawn do you know what this means?" Lassiter asked excited._

" _That you are way too excited for seven in the morning?" Shawn said tilting his eye brow and smiling. Lassiter laughed, then placed his hands over Shawn's cheeks._

" _No, it means that all you need to ward off the night terrors is for me to be next to you! You don't have to go to therapy!" Lassiter explained, Shawn's eyes lit up further, and he pulled Shawn's face in for another kiss. Shawn responded by wrapping his arms around his neck, and dragging them back down into the bed._

_Shawn and Lassiter felt like they could fly._

Lassiter wished it was that easy. That all they had to do was sleep together every night, and Shawn would be free from the hold of PTSD, but real life didn't work like that. In real life, sometimes, love just couldn't conquer the mind, especially when the mind is dealing with a real mental illness. It was that reality that found Lassiter leaning with his shoulder against the door, listening as Shawn recounted the events of his dream to Mr. Harris.

"Then… the smoke clears and I find Carly's bloody body on the ground. He is still alive, because I can see his arm twitch. I call out to him, and I hear him weakly call back. I begin to run to him, but I hear a gun cock in my ear. I turn around and find Yang pointing a gun at Carlton, and she says: Sorry Shawnie," Shawn said gulping and taking in a staggering breath.

"You're doing well Shawn, keep going," Mr. Harris encouraged.

Lassiter was showing a tremendous amount of self-restraint at the moment, considering the fact that he was letting Mr. Harris push Shawn to his emotional limit. The first time Mr. Harris had attempted to make Shawn recount his dream, it had ended with Shawn puking violently into a trash can.

When this happened, Lassiter had plain lost it with Mr. Harris, and had even dialed the Chief's number to get the lunatic with a pencil off the street. It was only thanks to Shawn's persuasions later that Lassiter let Shawn come back the next day, but only with the agreement that if either he or Shawn said stop, they were done for the day. Harris took the deal, but with the condition that Lassiter avoid any physical contact with Shawn during the actual sessions, as Shawn depending too much on Lassiter's comfort would only result in a slower recovery.

This was the only reason he was standing so far away from Shawn and not holding his hand. As soon as they were out the door, Lassiter never hesitated to reclaim it. It was the only real comfort he could offer the man, as the sessions would always leave Shawn rattled to the point Lassiter was afraid to leave him alone. So he wouldn't.

They would watch movies among other things, until Lassiter managed to get a reserved, silent, Shawn to slowly become lively and happy again, and it had been that way for the entire three weeks they'd been going to therapy.

Except that that wouldn't be the case today.

He was called back into work by the Chief because of a case she couldn't detail over the phone. All she said was to come in after Shawn's appointment and to make sure Shawn does not get involved. Lassiter assumed that it was because she didn't want a man with PTSD working any more cases until cleared by the psychiatrist, but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was more than that... like Shawn couldn't be on the case because he was in _more_ danger than usual. The gut feeling made Lassiter even more reluctant to leave Shawn alone.

"I yell at Yang that she can't take everyone away from me," Shawn began again, his voice still staggering. "Then I run to Carlton and try to save him from the bullet, except that I'm not fast enough…"

"Excellent," Mr. Harris said as Shawn took in a deep breath. "Now, I want you to envision a different ending."

"I know the drill," Shawn said frustrated, his fingers rubbing circles at the sides of his head, with his eyes closed tightly. "Carlton is just fine… His bomb doesn't go off, and he manages to shoot Yang before she can even draw her gun…"

"Perfect, remember to rehearse that ending again tonight before you sleep, if you keep envisioning that ending, eventually that will be what you dream. Then we can gradually rewrite the dream entirely," Mr. Harris assured him.

"I'm not sure this 'Imagery Reversal Therapy' is working Mr. H, I mean it's been three weeks and I still haven't been able to change the ending," Shawn complained his hands falling back down at his sides.

"Imagery Rehearsal' Shawn, and it's going to take time. You said yourself that the Night terrors are fewer than before," Mr. Harris encouraged.

"I've heard it both ways…" Shawn said, then sighing heavily. "So are we done for the day? Or did you want to induce more flashbacks for my brain to deal with?"

"We're done for the day," Mr. Harris said with a smile. "Make sure you schedule some appointments for next week, and if you do experience flashbacks-."

"I know what to do with the flashbacks," Shawn said standing up. "I've dealt with flashbacks all my life; they don't go away until I'm done thinking about a case. But I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon." Shawn said annoyed, as Lassiter walked up to him and interlaced their hands. He relaxed at his touch, his developing anger evaporating, but the feeling of hopelessness remained.

"We'll get through this Shawn," Lassiter said to him gently, before nodding at Mr. Harris and leading him out of the room and into the receptionist area.

"I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere," Shawn explained right as his eyes settled on the receptionist sitting at her desk right beside the entrance.

"Are you ready to make another appointment?" She asked once the woman saw them walk over. Something in her voice set Shawn off, because his memory suddenly played back to the time of the Ying case.

First, he and Gus were sitting in interrogation room A, watching as panicky Allison Cowley was claiming a Ying kidnapping. Then, just as quickly as it began, it was he and Gus tied up in chairs while the same Allison Cowley, who had claimed to be victim was staring them down with a long gun draped across her arms, smiling a smile that was almost as devious as Yang's. Finally, Shawn was outside the house, watching as Allison's insane stare followed him for as long as the moving police cruiser would let her do so.

"Shawn?" Lassiter's voice said pulling him back into the present, his voice clear with concern.

Within an instant, Shawn had taken in her appearance. She was a blue eyed girl, with blonde hair that was newly shaven into a boy cut, and there was evidence of a nose job done if the scar tissue around the naval passages were any indication, the rest of her was just incredibly skinny.

He didn't know why his mind had made the connection, and had flashed back to the Ying case of all things, especially when it was the Yang case he couldn't seem to stop remembering, but it did. Was it something in her voice? Her eyes? Shawn suddenly felt extremely uneasy, because his mind was already coming up with wild conclusions, like she had escaped from prison and had shown up in disguise and was plotting God knows what. But prison's security was tight, it was nearly impossible to get out of there.

Then again, Ying had chosen Allison to replace his daughter as successor to the title…

"Shawn," Lassiter said again, more urgently this time, and Shawn blinked to find Lassiter had his free hand cupping Shawn's cheek so it could direct his head to look into Lassiter's eyes.

"Carly… Um… I'm free anytime, so I have no preference go ahead pick whatever works with your work schedule," Shawn said breaking away from Lassiter's hold on his head and staring just above the woman his mind told him was Allison.

"Right…" Lassiter said before turning back to the woman at the desk, whose name was apparently Mary L. according to the name tag. "Can we make the appointments for ten o'clock, Monday, Wednesday and Friday?"

"We can indeed," Mary L. said typing away at the computer with a gentle smile on her face. "Alright you're all set."

"Thanks," Shawn said quickly dragging Lassiter toward the exit; he could feel her eyes linger on them as they exited to the parking lot.

"Shawn slow down," Lassiter said once they were outside. "What happened?" He asked holding Shawn's arms gently, so that they were face to face.

"I just had a flashback of the Ying case," Shawn said frazzled taking in a deep breath in attempts to relax.

"The Ying case?" Lassiter asked confused, Shawn nodded.

"Yeah, shocker for me too," Shawn said quickly. "I think that was Allison Cowley in there, because as soon as she spoke I had a flashback of her, and that only happens when my brain makes an important connection. Carly I think she got out of prison!"

"Shawn it's nearly impossible to get out of prisons," Lassiter attempted to reassure, but Shawn shook his head.

"Look I know that, but you have to remember that Ying choose _her_ as the successor, and she was staring at me with a look that said it was far from over when they took her away in the cruiser. If anyone could do the near impossible it very well could be her," Shawn scrambled. "I understand my word doesn't count for much right now because of what I'm going through, but Carly, she's ringing too many bells. Besides she had scar tissue around the rims of her nostrils, meaning that she got a nose job, which is the most recognizable part of the face. Not to mention, her name tag said Mary L. Who else did we know by that name? Mary Lightly, Carly." Lassiter looked at him with a mixture of concern and amazement. On one hand, Shawn was prone to paranoia, on the other, Shawn was rarely wrong, and he had described some pretty damning evidence. If he followed Shawn's lead however, and it led nowhere, it might only contribute to the problem. However, this was his boyfriend, not to mention his genius of a co-worker who had stood by him when no one else would during the Drimmer case, and that alone warranted at least a call for a prisoner count.

"Okay Shawn, I'll call the Santa Barbra prison and ask them to confirm Allison's whereabouts, and I'll call you with the results," Lassiter promised as Shawn relaxed and wrapped his arms around him.

"Thank you Carly. Call me as soon as you get them… and thank you for keeping your faith in me," Shawn said earnestly as Lassiter returned the gesture. He could tell Shawn was relieved.

Lassiter however, only began to worry more. "Maybe I should stay…" He whispered, and Shawn quickly backed up and stared at Lassiter in the eyes.

"No Carly," Shawn said sternly, "The Chief needs you, and I need to you to confirm I'm just crazy."

"I know, I just don't think you should be alone right now." Lassiter admitted as Shawn smiled.

"I won't be alone, I'll be with Gus today, I'm going to try and patch things up between him and I so don't worry about me too much." Shawn said as Lassiter gave a small smile in return. He was glad to hear that Shawn was warming up to Gus again, it was a sign he was improving.

"Are you going to tell him about us?" Lassiter asked.

"Well partners shouldn't keep secrets from each other. Gus and I _especially_ don't keep secrets from each other. We're best friends, and that's that. So if it's alright with you the answer is yes," Shawn said rubbing the back of his head, and looking up hopefully at Lassiter. "Are you going to tell Jules?"

"Same rule applies," Lassiter said his smile growing. "Just make sure Gus has enough sense not to out us at the Police station."

"Can do," Shawn assured him the rest of his anxiety fading for the moment. "Trust me Gus is good at keeping secrets."

"I'm sure he is," Lassiter agreed as he took Shawn's hand again and they walked to his car.

…

Shawn was only half surprised to find Gus waiting for him at the front door to the Psych office as he and Lassiter pulled up to the parking lot. He'd called him yesterday completely out of the blue, after not speaking to him ever since their fight. Instead of angry like Shawn was expecting Gus to be, he was excited to hear from him. Shawn was glad for this, because Shawn needed their relationship to be normal. Though he knew it wouldn't be back to normal for a little while, at least not until Gus understood the situation. So he resolved to tell Gus as much as he felt comfortable, because as his best friend he deserved that much.

"So you'll call me as soon as you have the results right? And you'll be careful?" Shawn said turning his head back to Lassiter as he put the Crown Vic in park.

"I promised didn't I?" Lassiter said, receiving a smile from Shawn.

"I know, I'm just on edge," Shawn said, before unbuckling his seatbelt and leaning into Lassiter's face so he could kiss him.

"Will it help if I called when I get to the station?" Lassiter asked once Shawn backed off of the kiss.

"Definitely," Shawn agreed his face beaming like the little child Lassiter knew still lived inside of Shawn, but had been hiding ever since the ticking time bomb in his head went off. It made him feel better to see it again.

"Then I will that way you'll know I'm safe." Lassiter assured him as Shawn nodded.

"Alright, it's exactly fifteen minutes from here to the Police station, but I'll allow a ten minute grace period for traffic and the location of parking. Any more than that I will call and if you don't answer I'm coming down there," Shawn said as Lassiter laughed.

"Sounds fair, if I'm not off at a decent hour, have Guster take you home. I still don't want you riding your bike yet," Lassiter informed him as Shawn smirked.

"Are you sure it's not because I can intimidate Buzz out of speeding ticket and you hate that I can?" Shawn joked as Lassiter's eyes narrowed into a glare.

"Get out of my car," Lassiter said and Shawn laughed, gave him another kiss and finally opened the car door and stepped out. He managed a smile at the younger man, and watched him meet Guster at the front of the office, before pulling out of the parking space and directing his car toward the station.

…

Lassiter arrived at the station approximately fifteen minutes later, and it only took him two minutes to find a parking spot. As he put the car in park, Lassiter couldn't shake the sudden feeling of unease, the kind he got when he was about to confront a criminal with a witness at gunpoint. He took note of the scene around him, all the cops were already inside the station, save for one uniform woman with dark brown hair up in a bun, near the entrance. No clear danger. Maybe the time he spent with a paranoid Shawn made him a bit paranoid as well. After all, even if he were to be in immediate danger, there was a uniform ready to take action and call for back up. He stepped out of his car and walked leisurely toward the station, pulling out his cellphone as he approached the stairs, when the uniform met him halfway.

"Detective Lassiter," the uniform greeted, with an almost insane smile forming on her face.

"Head Detective," Lassiter corrected annoyed. "Skip the welcome back party, because I have work to do." He recognized the women in uniform, but for whatever the reason he couldn't place the name of her, and at that moment he couldn't be bothered. All he wanted was to get in the station, call Shawn, get the case, and confirm Allison's confinement, then get back to Shawn.

"Oh there's no welcome back party," she explained her syllables drawn out and her brown eyes were dancing over Lassiter's body. Suddenly, Lassiter recognized who she was, and his hands darted for his gun, quickly pointing it at her.

"Yang you son of a-." Was all Lassiter said, before he was hit in the back of the head and the entire world went black.


	18. Why The Blue Berry Needs Sirens!

Shawn finger's tapped at his desk nervously, as he waited for his phone to ring. He could feel Gus watching him from his own desk, and knew concern was on his face without having to look up at it. It was justified, because when Shawn had greeted him earlier, there was only a quick best friends reunited hug, before Shawn pulled out his phone and set it on his desk to , stare at it. He had done it all without saying a word to Gus, and the silence was dragging on to the sixteenth minute, but he just couldn't help it.

Something about today just didn't sit right with Shawn, and it wasn't just because his receptionist was definitely Allison Cowley, at least until Lassiter called and told him he was wrong. No, Shawn had awoken to a feeling of approaching disaster, a gut feeling, not a psychic vibe.

At the beginning, Shawn had assumed it was just because Lassiter told him he had to go back to work the night before, but he discarded his theory when he ran into the receptionist. Now, every minute that passed in which Lassiter didn't call, Shawn became more uneasy. Shawn had given him a ten minute grace period, but he knew he still shouldn't need that much time. Meaning that either Lassiter was going to get settled in first, or something bad had already happened. He couldn't shake the feeling it was the latter.

"Uh… So Shawn," Gus began, closing his laptop folding his hands on top, as he watched his best friend. "Do you wanna watch the _Breakfast Club_ or something?"

"Tape is at home," Shawn replied his eyes not moving from the phone, as though watching it would encourage it to ring. "I made Carly watch it with me after I was released from the hospital."

"Carly?" Gus asked confused. "Are you talking about Lassiter?"

"Yeah," Shawn answered simply. Three more minutes until grace period was over.

"When did you start referring to him as Carly?" Gus asked, his head tilted slightly in confusion.

"I call everyone by a nickname Gus," Shawn deflected. "You should know, I call you Gus all the time. I mean come on, I hate the name Burton."

"That's not what I meant Shawn," Gus replied his eyebrows narrowing. "I meant when did you stop calling him Lassie?"

"Oh after I got back from my first hospital trip, we decided after nearly seven years, we were on a first name basis during everyday conversation," Shawn answered. Two minutes left… "I called him Carly the last time we were here, but I guess you were too distracted to notice."

"First name basis? I would have sworn you two would have killed each other already. How have you managed to live under the same roof as him and not get shot?" Gus asked.

"Well, he has this thing about shooting his boyfriend on his off hours, just can't bring himself to do it. During business hours he's _totally_ game to using me for target practice. You'd think as his boyfriend I'd have certain _privileges_ in our work relationship, but I don't. He's still going to call bullshit to my psychic powers and still call me Spencer. Go figure," Shawn explained, shrugging his shoulders. He knew Gus's eyes were bulging now. It wasn't the way he'd planned to tell Gus that he and Lassiter were dating, but he was edging on panic, and he didn't want Gus to know it. So, he settled for his usual flippant remarks,, so as not to divert his attention from the matter at hand, which was worrying about a certain Carlton Lassiter.

"Wait a minute," Gus said standing up from his desk. "Did you say _boyfriend_?"

"That's what I said," Shawn said. Another minute passed. There was one minute left until Lassiter's grace period was over, and Shawn would have to either confirm his boyfriend was forgetful or that he was in danger. His fingers stopped tapping the desk and retracted to make a fist.

" _You_ and _Lassiter_?" Gus emphasized, "I thought you liked girls!"

"Well you remember back at our first case when I was dating Katrina and we had just figured out that her brother performed a heist to get his father's money? Then we were looking at the cabin and I was commending him for the beautifully thought out crime, and you said: " _Maybe you should date him too!_ " and I said: " _Maybe I will_."?" Shawn looked up briefly to watch Gus nod.

"Yes I remember…" Gus answered.

"Well, I was serious," Shawn explained, "I'm bisexual Gus, and so is Carly."

Another minute passed, and Shawn quickly picked up his phone.

For a moment Gus said nothing, just waited for Shawn to say: Got you buddy! When it became apparent he wasn't going to, it finally dawned on him that his best friend was serious. Gus wasn't sure how to react. Not that it bothered Gus that Shawn was bisexual, he just thought as his best friend, he would have told him, or at least Gus should have seen it. Regardless, Gus was okay with it and he opened his mouth to say so, but Shawn stopped him from speaking.

"Hold that thought buddy," Shawn ordered as he listened anxiously to the ringing on his phone. "Pick up Carly pick up…"

"Shawn what's going on?" Gus asked walking up closer to Shawn's desk.

"Carly was supposed to call me as soon as he got to the station… He promised he would and he hasn't…" Shawn answered.

"Maybe he got caught in traffic," Gus suggested, but Shawn shook his head.

"No I gave him ten minute grace period, and he used the entire thing up!" Shawn complained his ear still on the phone as he began to pace around the room.

" _You've reached Head Detective Carlton Lassiter of SBPD, if you have reached this message I probably just don't want to talk to you or I'm busy doing Police work. More than likely though, I just don't want to talk to you. Leave your message, and I'll decide if you're worth calling back.."_

"God damn it!" Shawn yelled quickly pressing the end button on his phone, and bringing up his wrist to his mouth. "Something's happened to him!"

"Shawn, what makes you think he's in danger?" Gus asked as Shawn took in a heavy breath.

"Because I'm more than positive that Allison Cowley was the receptionist at my therapist's today!" Shawn yelled before taking in another breath and looking into Gus's eyes. "Gus we have to get down to the station!"

Gus opened his mouth to argue, but the look in Shawn's eyes made him think better of it. "I'll drive."

…

The entire station was walking on eggshells. For three weeks the Chief was on edge for reasons no one could guess, and anyone that even looked at her the wrong way got their ass handed to them on a silver platter. Every change in shift, she would look call in all of her officers and tell to be on their toes, then send them on their way, and that's all she would say on the matter. Now the only ones that still dared approach her were McNab and O'Hara, both of whom would engage in frequent meetings with her in her office. Every time these meetings occurred everyone noted that the Chief just became more frustrated and much more intimidating. So when an erringly familiar envelope showed up in the records room, without anyone seeing who put it there. Everyone knew, the shit was about to hit the fan.

"What did I say about being on your toes?" The Chief yelled as soon as she caught sight of the Ying/Yang symbol on the envelop, that a uniform reluctantly handed her. "And where is my Head Detective?"

"I've been calling for him or the past fifteen minutes and he's not answering," Juliet explained pressing the end button on her phone once it hit Lassiter's voicemail. "Chief do you think that he's been targeted?"

"I don't know, keep trying him and send some officers down to the Psych office just in case!" the Chief replied as she opened the envelope and carefully pulled out its contents.

Of all the things she expected to find in the envelope, pictures of her Head Detective and her Head Psychic kissing under the moonlight, were the _last_ on her list.

…

"Can't you go any faster?" Shawn whined his eyes focused purely at the road in front of him.

"I can't Shawn, its posted at sixty and I'm going sixty five," Gus replied somewhere between sympathetic and annoyed. "If I go any faster we'll get pulled over."

"Why is it that cops can go any speed they want again?" Shawn asked.

"Because they have sirens to tell everyone to get out of the way," Gus answered.

"Okay, after we save Carly, we are investing in sirens for the Blueberry, end of story!" Shawn yelled dialing Lassiter's number again, praying he would answer.

"So you mentioned that Allison Cowley was your receptionist at the therapist?" Gus attempted once they had fallen silent again.

"Are you asking _really_ about Allison or the fact that I'm in therapy?" Shawn followed as Lassiter's voice mail began again and he hung up.

"Well you made it pretty clear about the Allison thing… So I guess about the therapy. If you want to tell me that is." Gus knew this probably wasn't the time to try to pry, but if Allison really had escaped they needed something else to focus on for a while.

"I'm in it for PTSD," Shawn explained, "The Yang case finally got to me and I started having night terrors. When I took the pills I was trying to get sleep, but I was on day three of pure insomnia and my memory got so bad that I kept forgetting if I'd taken the pills or not."

"The Yang case? That was over three and a half years ago! Why is it coming up now?" Gus asked concerned, and Shawn shrugged.

"I don't know Gus, Mr. Harris said that PTSD can start anywhere from weeks to years later. Please don't say you think that PTSD is affecting my theory that my receptionist Allison, because it doesn't affect my detective skills okay?" Shawn answered defensively. "I _know_ that is Allison!"

"I heard the evidence Shawn," Gus said raising one of his hands. "Like I said, you made the Allison thing pretty clear. As hard as it is to break out of a prison, if any could do it, it would probably be Yin's replacement, so I have no problem believing you. Besides even if it is just a wild theory, you're my best friend and my partner. Next time _I_ have a wild theory though, you're jumping in with me!"

"You got it buddy," Shawn said bumping fists with him, tensing up once the police station came into view and Gus pulled into park. There was no sign of Lassiter's car anywhere, let alone anyone outside the station, meaning it would be easy for someone to attack him from behind and make off with him in his own car!

Shawn bolted out of the car and ran straight toward the entrance with Gus trailing close behind. His eyes scanned the scene before him, and narrowed in on a cell phone laying on the ground at the bottom of the step. Dashing towards it, he found the cell phone in the middle of a Ying/Yang symbol, made out of a thin layer of blood.

"Oh my God Gus…" Shawn said stopping dead in his tracks, and pointing at the symbol bellow him. Gus's eyes went wide when he caught up with him.

"Yang and Allison…" Gus whispered.

"No… I think Allison just became Ying." Just then Shawn's own cell phone began to ring, and with barely a glance at the caller ID, he answered.

"Spencer get your ass to the station now!" The Chief ordered. "Your boyfriend just became Yang's hostage!"

…

As Lassiter's awareness of the world returned, he came to three conclusions. One; his head hurt like hell, two; opening his eyes made it worse, and three; he was tied to a chair with his hands behind his back.

"Finally waking up Head Detective Carlton Lassiter?" A women asked as Lassiter forced his eyes to scan the room to find Yang sitting in a folding chair in front of him.

The room he was in was not unlike the interrogation rooms back at the station, except the bricks were a rusty brown, and there were no one-sided windows as far as Lassiter could see. There was a single hanging light above them, casting a dim glow around the room, which allowed Lassiter to make out a single door. This meant that there would be little to no chance for anyone in the department to find him, his only real hope was Shawn. He only prayed he was stable enough to take on the case.

"Yang… Who the hell let you out of the loony bin?" Lassiter asked his vision blurring as he looked up into her eyes.

"My Ying of course! You'd be so surprised how easy it is for someone to drug a couple of guards and sneak me away without any of the other patients tipping anyone off. You know it took two whole weeks for anyone to realize I was missing?" Yang smacked her lips and giggled for a moment. "It was so easy! My Ying is beautiful at escape plans!"

"And your Ying… She's Allison Cowley right?" Lassiter asked between pulses of pain in his head.

"Yay Detective Lassiter! A gold star for you! Too bad I don't have one," she hissed and shook her head. "If you must know, we started keeping in touch after she was sent to jail. She is such a criminal master mind, oh! I fell completely and utterly in love."

The door opened then, and the woman Lassiter recognized as the receptionist from earlier walked in and wrapped her arms around Yang.

"We're going to leave Santa Barbara, start a nice little family back in Montana somewhere, you know give up our life of crime." Allison followed smiling a smile that competed with Yang's own insane one.

"Great for you," Lassiter said closing his eyes. "So where do I come into play in this little fantasy? Why kidnap me if you two want to fall off the radar?"

"Silly, you're our little bargaining chip!" Yang cheered as Allison nodded.

"I don't follow…" Lassiter said opening his eyes again. Allison and Yang looked at each other then back at Lassiter.

"You see, the two of us, we've got some brilliant minds! It'd be a real shame to waste it on some anonymous sperm donor with barely a mind of a three year old. So we've decided Shawn is going to be our donor," Allison explained, and Lassiter was suddenly wide awake, and actively trying to get free of the ropes.

"What makes you think he's even going to consider fathering your children?" Lassiter demanded.

"Oh he'll play along, especially when he finds out that he has nine hours to respond, before you're dead," Allison explained holding up a detonator.

At that moment, Lassiter knew that no matter how this ended, Shawn was going to need a lot more therapy.


	19. Fishing and It's Downfalls

"Okay people," Chief Vick said from her position at the front of the room. All the personnel were surrounding her, with Shawn, Gus, Juliet and Buzz, near the head of the circle. "One of our own has been kidnaped by Yang. We have nine hours to find him, just like in the past they have left us riddles to solve. Our first clue was left in our records room. The riddle is as follows:

_Two rounds to beat, three if you're lucky,_

_To have a chance against me you must defeat a hoax_

_Continue?_

_You have nine hours_." The Chief ended, as Shawn ran the clue through his head.

"It's not just Yang Chief, Allison Cowley is in on this too," Shawn said quickly, keeping one finger to his temple. "I'm getting her aura signature off of that paper as well as Yang's…"

"Mr. Spencer that's not possible," The Chief began.

"I know what my powers are telling me Chief," Shawn said his voice dropping low. "You have to remember, Allison was chosen by Ying who was at large for over twenty years. Call the prison and ask them to locate Allison Cowley specifically if you don't believe me."

For a moment the Chief just stared at him, before sighing heavily and pointing at a uniform. "Stevenson, call the prison Allison Cowley is supposed to be incarcerated and make _sure_ she is there."

"On it Chief," Stevenson said breaking from the group.

"Alright, we have nine hours; our Head Detective's life is on the line, now somebody come up with ideas!" The Chief ordered again.

"Maybe it's in relation to an old case? The McCallum case!" Gus offered. "His entire kidnap was a hoax and we had to decide whether or not we were going to stay private investigators. You think that's what the 'continue?' means."

"But then where does the 'two rounds to beat, three if you're lucky' come into play?" Juliet asked.

"Maybe it was back at the spelling bee case? That had rounds," Buzz offered but Shawn shook his head.

"Except that wasn't a hoax, it was cheating," Shawn said closing his eyes. He couldn't believe Yang and Allison were back and now they had Carly. This had to relate to the past few weeks… So what had been a hoax? He had to think. That's when it clicked.

"Sheng Long!" Shawn suddenly shouted making everyone look at him. "Two rounds to beat three if you're lucky, that was how many rounds the two players had to fight each other in the game Street Fighter II, if there was a tie between the players in the two rounds there would be a third to determine the winner! The Continue refers to whether or not you wanted to try again after losing!"

"Sheng Long was a translation error in Ryuu's victory speech who said you had to defeat him to stand a chance. EGM exploited Sheng Long as a secret character that someone could unlock. But it was an April fool's joke, and it is credited as one of the biggest video game hoaxes to date!" Gus followed excited.

"The next clue is at the Street Fighter II cabinet at the arcade!" Shawn announced.

…

Shawn's feet were carrying him speeds he didn't even know he could humanly accomplish, as he ran inside the arcade. Juliet, Buzz, and Gus were trailing behind him, until Juliet broke from the group to question the Arcade manager for any information on suspicious people entering the arcade in the past forty two hours. His sole focus was on finding Lassiter, any anxiety he might have had facing Yang again was lost on him, because at that moment he was in survival mode, and the survivor had to be Lassiter.

"It's over here!" Shawn shouted pointing to the direction of the machine before increasing his speed and going around a corner to where all of the early Nineties games were kept. When he arrived nothing immediately stood out to him as a clue, all there was, was a sign that said out of order taped on the screen. Watching it though, the game seemed to play just fine, the screen itself however was significantly dimmer.

"Any luck?" Gus asked once he and Buzz caught up.

"No there's nothing here!" Shawn said frustrated as his eyes continued to scan the machine. He had to be missing something, something that had to be right in front of his face.

"Are you sure it's this arcade?" Buzz offered. "There are several at Santa Barbra."

"No this was arcade Carlton and I were at, and we were playing this machine!" Shawn snapped slamming his fist into the counter of the machine. The only thing different was the dim screen, so dim that you couldn't see its colors through the white paper like you normally would.

' _The paper!'_ Shawn suddenly thought. The screen was dim, so it wouldn't show what might be on the other side of said paper!

"I just talked to the manager, he had a female worker matching Yang's description quit today after an hour's worth of work. She left in direction of the police station, so it has to be here!" Juliet said, walking up right as Shawn tore down the out of order paper and turned it over.

"I found it!" Shawn announced, as Buzz walked up next to his shoulder and began to read the note aloud.

" _ **H**_ _ow many years are good_ _ **e**_ _nough for eternity?_ _ **N**_ _ever enough, for the product of the birds and the bees,_ _ **r**_ _etired from the oath in 1995, his_ _ **y**_ _outh do flee._ _ **S**_ _ave me a rhyme the last line is eternity._ " Buzz read quickly. "Some of the letters are bolded."

"They spell **Henry S** , this poem is talking about my dad, his divorce and retirement in 1995, and my leaving!" Shawn deduced. "It has to be at my Dad's house!"

…

In spite of the weeks preceding it, Henry Spencer was having a decent day. Hell, if he was optimistic, he'd be willing to say it was a good day. Sure he still didn't know the status of his son's mental state, or have a way to help him that didn't involve not getting involved, but Gus had called him, and confirmed that Shawn wanted to see him again. This in and of itself was a major improvement, and one Henry was relieved to see happen. Because so long as Gus could get Shawn to open up to him, Henry had considerably less to worry about when it came to his son, regardless of what he was taking or why.

So, in celebration of the news, Henry decided to do what he did best in his retired years; fish, which resulted in three of Santa Barbara's finest catches of the year if Henry did say so himself.

He laid one of the fish on the skillet, after gutting it and chopping its head and tail. It'd been forever since his last hand caught fish meal, so he figured it was high time he had one. Leaving the skillet to perform its function, Henry turned back to the other two fish that were still in his kitchen sink. Whilst in the process in trying to decide if he should store the fish long term in the freezer and risk loss of flavor, or short-term in the refrigerator and risk stinking up his house with the smell with rotten fish, a knock came from his front door.

Now, fishing did equal good and bad things to Henry. The good, it put him at ease and allowed him to stop acting like a cop, and stop taking precautions to any out of normal behavior. Unfortunately that was also the bad. So when Henry approached his front door and put his hand on the doorknob, he didn't bother following his training before opening the door. Normally, when receiving an unexpected knock, you were supposed to check the peephole or window if available, and see who it was on the other side. If no visual stimulation was available, you were supposed to ask who it was before you opened door, and if it was a voice you didn't recognize, well you'd prepare yourself for the police or an intruder. Instead Henry just opened the door, and came face to face with a blonde haired woman, with blue eyes that were over filling with tears.

"Are you a cop?" The woman asked, holding her arms and looking up at Henry pleadingly.

"A retired one," Henry answered looking the girl over. She was incredibly skinny, and her hair was shaven, nearly every inch of her was covered with clothing, something that suggested she was hiding bruises. "What can I do for you?"

"It's my husband! Please you have to hide me!" She begged throwing herself at Henry and sobbing into his chest. "Please help me!"

"Okay, okay, deep breaths," Henry instructed patting the woman very gently on the back. "First of all, is he following you?"

"Yes he's right around the corner! Please hide me!" She begged again, looking up at Henry. "He's going to hurt me if he finds me!"

"The hell he is," Henry said his voice deepening into a growl. "Come inside!"

"Okay," she agreed quickly, letting Henry lead her into the room.

"Sit down in the kitchen, I'll take care of your husband," Henry instructed as he went to his safe box in the living room and pulled out his gun, his back to the kitchen. "You're lucky as hell that you happened to come up to the door of a retired cop! If I were anywhere else, what you're doing now could be dangerous!"

"I know I'm lucky," the woman replied in a shaky voice from her place in the kitchen, as she quietly picked up the frying pan, and crept up to Henry "One thing you should know about my husband though…" She began her voice suddenly regaining strength.

"What's that?" Henry asked not glancing back at her as he loaded his gun.

"He doesn't exist!" She yelled landing the pan on the back of Henry's head, and making both him and the gun fall to the floor.


	20. The Prey Becomes the Predator

"My dad's still not picking up his phone," Shawn said from the back of cruiser. He pushed the end button on his phone for like the twenty-fifth time that day, before stuffing it violently into his jacket.

"I've called for an ambulance to meet us there. If he's injured we can transport him right away," McNab assured him as he hung up his own phone.

"How long until we get there?" Shawn demanded.

"About an hour," Juliet replied. "We're three hours into the search of Lassiter."

"I'm well aware Juliet," Shawn snapped, "If I could find Carly right now, believe me I would, but I can't, I have to play this _stupid_ game and figure out what they want from me so that I can get him back in one piece! I do not need a constant reminder of the clock right now."

"You're right, I'm sorry," Juliet said quickly, he felt the air sink around them and Shawn sighed heavily.

"Look Shawn, we're going to find him," Gus attempted to reassure. "Besides this is Lassiter we're talking about, he's probably holding them at gun point as we speak."

"Or they have a bomb attached to his gun holster and they're waiting to blow him up…" Shawn replied, barely managing to hold the approaching flashback of his recurring night terror. Who was he kidding? This whole thing was a night terror. He finally has Carlton all to himself, and now Yang and Allison want him for God knows what! Could he ever escape them? They even haunted him in his dreams, and now they had taken the one solace that Shawn had gotten for all his troubles. They had complete control of him, they knew exactly what made him tick, and Shawn knew it. They were going to have him on edge for the rest of his life, even if he did put them back into jail they were just going to be back and take his Lassie again, until Shawn lost in Yang's game!

No. He couldn't give them that control. He was going to save his Lassie, and no matter what happened after, Lassie was _never_ going to fall into their hands again.

…

Over the last three hours, Lassiter had been in and out of consciousness so many times he had lost count, thanks to the concussion he received from Allison earlier. He had tried several times to come up with an escape plan, but he couldn't focus on anything for more than a few minutes, and like it or not, Yang, who was currently watching him, had the upper hand. Even if he did manage to break free of the ropes, Yang never stopped watching him, not to mention he was attached to a bomb. Perhaps Shawn was psychic in some form after all.

The only way he would be able to escape was if Yang let him go on her own free will. With a normal criminal, he might have a chance in convincing them it was in their interest to let him go, but Yang was insane in the dangerous sense of the word. She was also the kind of genius Shawn was, and that paired with the insanity, was a dangerous combo. His only hope was that Shawn was one step ahead of Allison and Yang, and would find him before they could fully set up whatever they had planned.

No matter what though, it was going to end in Shawn much more damaged than before, and the thought of that pissed Lassiter off. Why the hell did they always have to go after Shawn? Wasn't traumatizing him three times enough? Apparently not, Allison and Yang both just seemed to have some sick fascination with his boyfriend! Even if Shawn did give them what they wanted, what if the pregnancy didn't take? They'd be back of course. Or what if they wanted more children? They'd be back again, and there would be no way to protect him, unless they're unable to commit crime at all.

"You know you're not very intimidating just sitting there giving me a death glare detective," Yang teased hugging her knees and smiling at him. "Come on it's not like we're going after your boyfriend directly!"

"Why do you always call him out anyway?" Lassiter demanded yelling. "He's beaten you three times now!"

"Correction, he's beaten me once," Yang said clicking her tongue. "He beat my dad twice, and as long as he delivers what we want in time, then he'll have beaten me twice."

"Shawn's going to figure out where I am before he has to comply with your sick desires," Lassiter replied. "Then you and Allison are both going to the looney bin."

"Shawn may be absolutely amazing, but he isn't Superman. He's going to do whatever it takes to get you out of here that I know, because he is absolutely head over heels for you! He isn't going to bend the rules this time," Yang said giggling. "Especially not in the fragile state he's in right now. I'd be surprised if he hasn't totally lost it yet. Besides, this isn't going to be where he finds you, we have something special planned for you Lassie…"

"And that would be what exactly?" Lassiter asked his head throbbing again.

"You'll see detective…" Yang promised, as the door opened and Allison returned grinning. "Did it go off without a hitch?"

"Exactly as planned," Allison assured her giving her a kiss. "I can't believe how easily Henry let me in! I thought it was going to be much harder. Heck he even opened the safe for me."

"I knew you'd be perfect!" Yang complimented clapping her hands giddily. "Is everything else ready?"

"Planted and waiting," Allison replied. "All that's left is Lassiter," she said turning her head to him and smiling.

"I'll get the Chloroform."

…

Shawn was the first out of the car as Juliet pulled up to Henry's house. His truck was still in the driveway, meaning that he had just gotten home, or had been attacked. He should have told his dad to watch for Yang and Allison, not that he would have believed him anyway, but at least he might have been smart enough to look for anything suspicious!

"Dad!" Shawn yelled upon entering the house and finding Henry collapsed face down on the floor. He ran up to him, and quickly placed a finger on his neck.

"Is there a pulse?" Juliet asked as soon as she was through the door.

"He's still alive," Shawn replied breathing a sigh of relief and quickly scanning the area. "Allison or Yang did this, we have to look for the clue!"

"I'll escort Mr. Spencer to the hospital," McNab said as the stretcher came in and the medics gently lifted Henry onto it.

As they left, Shawn looked around the room with a critical eye. Henry's safe was open, his gun on the floor, with another blood stain made into a Ying/Yang surrounding it. His hands launched for the gun, perhaps the message was inside of the barrel.

"Any luck?" Gus asked coming up next to him.

"No message, the clue must be visual," Shawn said dropping the gun down and backing away from the symbol. Yang represented stability, and a certain level of consistency. So this had to be Allison's doing, the one who represented inconsistency and chaos.

"Are you sure there is no written message? Maybe we just haven't found it," Juliet suggested.

"No, the spirits are telling me this is Allison's work. She is supposed to represent Ying, which means that all she does is nearly opposite, Yang is verbal where Ying is visual. Yang's are also cryptic, meaning that it's likely that Allison's messages are going to be on the more literal side," Shawn explained bringing his wrist to his mouth.

"Okay, so that means a gun is a gun, nothing more. That doesn't tell us where the next clue is," Juliet pointed out.

Shawn began to pace then, holding his wrist to his mouth. Last time Yang had challenged him, she based off the clues from his past. The first two clues had been in chronological of his first week with Lassie, first the arcade then his dad's. So the gun had to relate back something involved with him and Lassie.

Just then Shawn's memory flashed back to when and Lassie playing Police Trainer, at the arcade, shooting the targets with the fake guns. Then followed the memory of he and Lassiter at the shooting range, Shawn's hands resting on Lassiter's wrists, he making sure to land his breath hot against his neck, to assure his arousal. One of his happiest memories.

Either one of these places could relate back to the gun. The question was which one? If he was wrong, they would lose valuable time, not to mention the trip back to the arcade was over an hour, so if he was wrong, he'd lose over two hours. They were both equal opportunity. If he was right though, then he would know where the next clue would be without seeing it.

Which would give him a chance to take back control.

"It's either the civilian shooting range, or Police Trainer back at the arcade. I can't be sure which though," Shawn announced taking in a shallow breath.

"I'll send for some officers to make their way back to the arcade, the rest of us will go to the range, if they find anything they can call us," Juliet assured him. "Let's go."

…

The ride to the gun range was tense and anticipatory. Gus kept shooting Shawn worried looks from the backseat while Juliet maintained scrupulous attention to the road, Shawn's mind working overtime in the passenger seat trying to get ahead of the women wreaking havoc on his life. Images of the places he and Carly had been flash through his mind. Two clues made for a poor pattern, but he had to gain the upper hand if he had any hope of saving him, and at this point it meant potentially taking a daring leap. If the next message didn't wind up being at the shooting range, then he might not find Lassie in time, and he couldn't let that happen. If he was wrong, then at least he would have a new lead and then finally, he wouldn't just be waiting for the axe to fall. The prey would become the predator.

He said nothing as Juliet pulled up to the civilian gun range. Just opened the door and rushed straight for the lanes he and Carly had been at previously, leaving Juliet and Gus far behind him. He quickly scanned the area, ignoring all the gun shots that were going on around him. The two lanes he and Carly had used were unoccupied, so it made investigating them safe.

That's when he saw it. A black envelop lying on the ground. He dove for it and opened it, a photo of the psych office.

He was right.

He quickly stuffed the picture back in the envelope, and stuffed it in a not so obvious place, before quickly standing up just in time for Gus and Juliet to come into view.

"Shawn did you find anything?" Juliet asked as they ran up to him.

"No," Shawn lied. "We're running out of time, so let's split up and keep looking. It's got to be somewhere around here." Shawn said, walking past them and being sure to accidently bump into Jules.

"Call me when you get something I'm going to check the outer layer of this place!" Shawn said as he began running toward the way he had originally came, leaving Juliet and Gus to scavenge the area.

As soon as he was sure he was out their eyesight, Shawn ran toward the police cruiser, got in the driver's seat of the car, pulled out the keys he pick-pocketed from Jules, and drove at high speed toward the boardwalk with the sirens on. Leaving Gus and Juliet behind to find the clue for themselves.


	21. Vault of Secrets Indeed

Shawn glanced in the rear view mirror as he left Juliet and Gus behind. He hated to do it, but it was necessary. Whatever Yang and Allison wanted, they wanted from him. They already stole Lassie and bashed his father's skull, so what was to stop them from going after Juliet and Gus too? No, he had to go this solo, because at least this way, they would be safe, and if Carly died, then Shawn would make them angry enough that they would kill him too, then it would be over. Juliet and Gus were safe at the gun range, Henry was safe at the hospital, with faithful Buzz beside him. His mom was safe somewhere over seas, Abigail was no longer on their radar, and the Chief was surrounded by cops at the station. They were all safe. He just had to focus on Lassie.

' _Besides, this place… its memories.'_ Shawn thought as the board walk came into view. _'Belongs to Carly and I alone.'_ It was the last place they went together before they finally became romantically involved. He knew it was here that he had to go, if he wanted to find him.

"Just hang on Carly, I'm on my way!" Shawn said to himself as he parked the car, grabbed the keys and his phone, and ran down the boardwalk. The clue he needed had to be at the spot that held the most significance to them. The spot where he finally just asked Carly head-on and kissed him, which was about fifty feet from where he had parked the car. Memories of that night came flooding back to him as he headed toward the spot.

" _So are you really going to make me say it first?" Shawn finally asked, watching as Lassiter's eyes widened in confusion._

" _Say what first?" Lassiter asked. Did he really think he didn't notice? The hand holding, the awkwardness he had when Shawn saw him shirtless, the stiffness at his touch, the fact that he had admitted to him that he learned how to make Pineapple upside down cake just so he could have something to give him for Christmas, but was never given after he gave him a snow globe. That last one practically said: I really wanted to give you something special because I have feelings for you._

_And yet he was still honestly confused._

" _About this thing we have between us," Shawn said, pointing first at Lassiter then himself, trying to be as obvious as possible. The color of red Lassiter's cheeks turned then was absolutely adorable._

" _Between us?" Lassiter said laughing nervously. "There's nothing between us," he quickly broke from Shawn's eyes. He was cute when he was in denial._

" _Don't play dense Carly," Shawn smiled. "It doesn't take a psychic to know what you're feeling. I mean come on; we've held hands countless times, you froze when I wrapped my arms around you at the shooting range; and I'm getting tired of waiting for you to fess up."_

_He watched Lassiter sigh, before he finally replied: "What do you want me to say Shawn? I'm not doing this with you," Lassiter informed him his voice rising. Now this was just getting ridiculous._

_"And just why not?" Shawn demanded scooting off of the railing and onto the ground, and turning full on to Lassiter, who was still stubbornly glaring at the ocean. Lassiter didn't answer._

_"Is it because we're both guys?" This made Lassiter turn, to find Shawn's face was inches away from his, his arms crossed, his eyes glaring at him, demanding an answer. This may have not been the reaction he was expecting of Carly, but it didn't mean that he came unprepared for these things._

_"No it's not because we're both guys," Lassiter answered, his cheeks growing hot again, as Shawn stared at him eye to eye. He didn't think he would be, after all his own mother was a lesbian._

_"Is it because of what you're afraid of what people at work will say?" Shawn challenged. This one was possible, given what had nearly driven him to a shorter life._

_"Of course not," Lassiter replied. "I don't give a fuck of what my co-workers think of me."_

_"Do you really hate psychics so much that you won't date one?" Shawn challenged. This was the last on his list, one he didn't expect to even remotely be a problem, due to the fact he was being so kind to him since all of this began._

_"No," Lassiter quickly replied._

_"Well then what is it Carlton? Because obviously it doesn't bother you date a co-worker," Shawn said annoyed. Lassiter threw his arms down in distress._

_"Because the only reason we are having these feelings between us is because you've been vulnerable and I've been there to help you," Lassiter said clearly frustrated. Shawn had never felt so insulted in his life. Is that what he honestly thought? Well it may have been unexpected, but Shawn had the lightning fast thinking to get this to work yet._

_"Carlton I've had the hots for you way before any of this," Shawn informed him. "I mean come on I've practically been throwing myself at you since day one."_

_"I think I'd have known if you were making a pass at me Shawn," Lassiter retaliated and Shawn laughed for half a second._

_"Obviously not," Shawn began. "Over the years, I've slapped your butt, I've sat in your lap, I've groped you God knows how many times! I even went as far as to write you a love note, and you still didn't get the hint."_

_Lassiter seemed to the take this into consideration, and after a moment finally admitted. "Okay maybe you had feelings before this, but I didn't, and I don't want to hurt you Shawn."_

_Shawn just laughed. "That's where you are also wrong Carly," He began. The only way to prove his Lassie wrong, was to give him evidence. Well Shawn had the evidence he was looking for._

_"I think I'd know about my own feelings Shawn," Lassiter crossed his arms._

_"Carlton, you let me stand closer to you than anyone else, you got me my bike back when it was impounded, and I can't count the times you've manhandled me." Shawn waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "You may have not realized it Carly, but you felt something for me too, and don't even try to write it off as friendship, because you told me yourself that you didn't really admit to loving Lucinda until she admitted it to you first, for the sake of your relationship to your wife. That's the same as what's going on here Carly. You suppressed your feelings for me back then for the same reason, but things are different now, and I want you to admit it aloud," Shawn argued._

_For a moment Lassiter was speechless, and he turned away from Shawn to the ocean. He could see the confusion in his potential lover's composure, and he could also see concern, and Shawn knew exactly where the concern was coming from._

_"Look Carly," Shawn said suddenly, making Lassiter look at him again. "Don't hesitate because you're afraid we won't work out and you'll push me off the edge. It's not like I'm a teenager going through their first love or anything. I'll be sad if we don't work out, but I'm not going to push you away because of it. If I do push you away at any point, it will be because of PTSD side effects, not because of this." Shawn gestured to both himself and Lassiter. "I may be vulnerable, but I'm not stupid," Shawn encouraged._

_"I…" Lassiter froze. He almost had him. Just two more little words, and Shawn would finally have his Carly. He just had to say it._

_His eyes brightened, when he saw a spark of realization glint in Lassiter's eyes. Then he watched, as Lassiter turned completely around to him, and take a deep breath._

" _I love you Shawn Spencer," Lassiter almost shouted. His cheeks became red again, and Shawn felt himself be overcome with happiness, and the next thing he knew, he had his lips on Lassiter's. Lassiter's arms wrapped around him, and then the world around them faded away._

That's when he saw it, sitting against the railing, was a popcorn bag filled to the brim, from the Cinema Vu Drive-In. Attached to it, was an envelope, with the ever dreaded Ying/Yang symbol on it.

…

"I can't believe he took my car!" Juliet shouted pacing the length of the space where the car was supposed to be. "How did he even get the keys? They were in my pocket! And please don't tell me he used the spirits!"

"Look Juliet," Gus began. "Shawn's not in his right mind right now, so don't be too hard on him." He attempted, skipping Juliet's question as to how Shawn got the keys. As a cop she didn't need to know that Shawn was a master pickpocket, besides it wasn't going to help her current mood.

"He seemed to be in perfect control when his mother was in a similar position. Now we might not save Lassiter!" Juliet complained. "Some psychic he turned out to be! I'm going to lose my partner because he decided to go off by himself! Does he seriously think Lassiter isn't just as important?"

"That's enough Juliet," Gus said suddenly, his eyes settling into a dark glare, making Juliet back down into a frown. "I'll have you know that Shawn holds Lassiter very close to his heart, and he wouldn't do anything like this, unless he thought it was in Lassiter's best interest. Shawn is also battling with his own head right now too! The first Yang case finally got to him. So unless you can honestly say, you could save your boyfriend from the very person who gave you PTSD and not do things that may seem illogical, I suggest you keep your accusations to yourself!"

"Did you say boyfriend?" Juliet asked, and Gus's glare softened into regret.

"No," Gus said quickly sitting down on the curb and facing away from Juliet.

"You did! Shawn is dating Lassiter?" Juliet asked again shocked, as Gus sighed.

"Yes he is, okay? He's doing his best, and I'm sure he had his reasons for going alone," Gus informed her. The air around them seemed much calmer after that.

"Well I'd say it's about time, but it's the wrong time to say it," Juliet said grinning and sitting down next to Gus.

"So you're not mad?" Gus asked as Juliet shook her head.

"About the car? Of course, but of their relationship? No. I'm happy for them," Juliet said gently. "And I'll be damned if I let them down now. We'll cover Shawn's tracks and make sure he doesn't miss anything."

"Right," Gus agreed smiling.

They both stood up at the same time, unintentionally their finger's brushed, and a new wave of emotion began to plague them. The emotion known as love.

Juilet's cheeks were already turning a little pink as soon as they were standing again, and while it didn't show on Gus he couldn't deny the heat he suddenly felt. She quickly broke from Gus's eyes and looked down the road.

"Buzz should be here any minute…" Juliet said her blush fading as she buried her new found feelings, in favor of focus. Lassiter would have been proud. "Our next clue has to be at the Psych office, until he gets here all we can do is wait."

"Yeah…" Gus said smiling in spite of everything. "So Pluto, messed up right?" This made Juliet look at him again, and she found herself returning the smile. May as well kill some time, standing here worrying while waiting wasn't healthy.

"Yeah it is," Juliet agreed, right as the siren's came into hearing distance, Buzz's cruiser came around the corner and parked right in front of them.

"Where to?" He asked as they got in.

"To the Psych Office!" Gus and Juliet both said at once.

…

It took them all of five minutes to figure out the next clue they found at the Pysch office. The clue had been a hospital bill on Gus's desk, for Shawn's treatment a few weeks ago. Gus immediately recognized it as a fake, because he had already paid that bill in full. The charge amount was three hundred and thirty-three dollars, which Gus guessed had to be the room Shawn had been in during his visit.

So no less than eleven minutes later, they arrived at Santa Barbra Hospital, and after some quick directions by the nurses at the front desk, found their way to room 333.

"Don't touch anything in this room!" Juliet ordered as she opened the door to the room and held her badge out to the nurse they found inside.

"I don't think what you're looking for is here. A couple of women called ahead and requested that I leave behind the materials for a sperm donation in this room," the Nurse replied. "It was really sweet, they said that they both met in this room, and so they want the sperm to be donated here."

"But the clue led us here." Gus said confused. _'Why would Yang and Allison lead us to where someone was supposed to donate sperm?'_ Buzz, Juliet, and Gus looked at each other then, faces plagued with confusion, until they each seemed to arrive at the same sick conclusion.

"Exactly…" Buzz hesitated, " _who_ is supposed to donate sperm for these two women?"

"Shawn Spencer. Apparently he's the brother of one of the women," the nurse replied.

"They must have been Allison and Yang… You don't think they really want his sperm do you?" Gus asked, as Juliet sighed.

"Gus hand me your phone," Juliet ordered.

…

_Bring us what we want at seven thirty pm. You know where._

_If you don't show, Lassiter is dead._

_~Ying and Yang_

Shawn was sitting on his knees reading the letter over and over. He definitely knew where, what time, what would happen to Carly if he didn't show, but he did not know what they wanted from him. They never told him. What did he really have to give? Nothing they'd want, except to watch Shawn solve their clues and beat them. But now they wanted something else from him.

"Think Shawn…" Shawn whispered to himself, looking at the letter every which way to see if they had left a clue, but there was nothing that Shawn could see. He'd even gone so far as to check the popcorn and the bag itself, but there was nothing there either. How could he give them what they wanted if they didn't tell him?

His phone rang out in Gus's ring tone, and without a second thought he answered. Shawn knew that if he was calling, it was just to find out where he was, and not to yell at him that he was jeopardizing Lassie's life. He only hoped he had some ideas as to what they might want.

"Dude, I'm okay, I'm at the boardwalk, and I know where Lassie is!" Shawn summarized quickly.

"Where is he?" Juliet asked on the other line.

"Jules!" Shawn said shocked. "Look I'm sorry I left you stranded at the gun range!"

"You're not in trouble Shawn. Just tell me you have something!" Juliet assured him.

"They're holding him at the Cinema Vu, I'm supposed to show up at seven thirty and deliver something that they want. I don't know what though," Shawn said standing up and looking down at the letter again.

"Shawn, we're here at the hospital. They want you to father their children."


	22. Won't Leave You Either

They wanted his sperm. They kidnaped Lassie _for his sperm_. He knew he was dealing with absolute psychos, but he didn't know they were this psycho! Who the hell steals boyfriends for sperm? How could they even think he'd consider leaving his children at their mercy?

The question had Shawn uncharacteristically silent as he sat heavily in a chair in front Chief Vick's desk. He was so engulfed in the absurdity of it all that the conversations around him had become mere white noise, even though he knew he should be paying attention. All he can do was stare like a deer in headlights, picking up bits and pieces of the briefing Jules, Gus and Buzz were doing for the Chief. He looked up when Buzz mentioned that they ultimately wanted Shawn's sperm, and were using Lassie as persuasion to do so. He watched as the Chief's face grew pale, and her mouth dropped. It was similar to when he had first suggested a dinosaur was the murder weapon back in his first years of consulting.

"They want his sperm?" The Chief confirmed, looking down at Shawn. He nodded, and the Chief sat back down and gave half a sigh.

"Alright, obviously we cannot actually give them… Shawn's sperm," the Chief said, saying the words awkwardly, like they would summon a demon if spoken the wrong way. "I'll call the sperm bank at Santa Barbra hospital and ask them to give us some of a man's who is similar to Shawn's appearance."

"Sterilize it," Shawn said immediately. "It's not fair to _any_ child to be risen by those two psychos. Not mine, not Carlton's, not anyone's, sperm donor or not. Have them send over sterile sperm, so that even if they manage to get away, it will be useless. Then when it fails, they'll have to come back, and we stop them at first sight. They aren't going to know the difference unless I tell them."

"Very well," the Chief agreed calmly. "Unfortunately since we are also working against Allison, I cannot send as much back up as last time we did this spiel with Yang. So as much as I hate to take the risk with you, I'm sending you in alone…"

"Hell no!" Henry's voice suddenly yelled, as he entered the office, glaring at Vick like he was ready to strangle her.

"Dad!" Shawn said shocked to see him up and about. "You're supposed to be back at the hospital. What are you doing here? Buzz said you had a concussion!"

"I _do_ have a concussion, but I got the information that you were working a related case, from the officer you guys placed to guard my door, so naturally I came!" Pointing at Karen accusingly, Henry shouted, "You are not throwing my son in alone! I don't care which big shot of yours got kidnapped Karen, you're not risking my son to save him!"

"Dad that big shot is my boyfriend!" Shawn shouted frustrated, as Henry eyes bulged slightly. "And I'm getting Carlton out of there alive, and if I have to risk my life to do it, I will. Because strike me where I stand if he isn't the most committed relationship I have EVER had. But I will not risk the lives of the others I care about, and that includes you, Gus, Juliet, Buzz, and the Chief." Shawn counted off on his fingers. "What they want, they want from me, and until that pregnancy takes, they're not going to kill me, because _I_ still have what they want. I'm in minimal danger, the rest of you aren't. All you'll be are obstacles that they'll tear through without a second thought. If I let you try and get in their way you all might die, and I can't live with that."

Everyone was looking at him now, with a mixture of shock, fear, and admiration. Henry remained silent, his face hard, but Shawn saw a glint in his eye, which said he understood what he said. He knew everyone else did too, but it didn't mean they were okay with it. The silence prolonged for two seconds more, before Shawn spoke again, much softer.

"There is no way around this, and if I have learned one grown-up thing in my lifetime, it's that sometimes we just have to buckle down and take a risk that may end us. The trick is to minimize that risk, something I have not been known to practice, but I'm putting it into play now. Right now the best thing we can do, is for me to go in alone. Let them go and post cops at every way out of Santa Barbra, mostly airports assuming they're smart enough to fall off the radar. If we catch them leaving, they'll think they've won, and they'll be vulnerable. It's the best chance to get Carlton out alive and catch them," Shawn ended as Henry continued to look at him, before he suddenly pulled him into a hug, and held Shawn tightly against him.

"Go get em Shawn. I'm proud of you," Henry whispered. "But if you die, the first thing I'm selling is that bike!"

"Wouldn't have it any other way old man," Shawn whispered back, smiling, letting a single tear escape.

…

Lassiter now had a new perspective on the torment Shawn's mom had suffered. Hell he could fully understand any kidnap victim now, especially if that kidnapper happened to be a couple crazy psycho killers who wanted to have your boyfriend's babies. All victims could do, was sit and wait in anxious anticipation, and pray they didn't die before someone came to rescue them. While he wasn't quite to the point of admitting to himself that he was a victim, he could truly understand what it felt like to be one, and really, he had it better than most.

Sure, he was strapped to a bomb, his only hope was his barely recovering boyfriend, and had a concussion that seemed to be changing his point of view on things… Or maybe that was thanks to Shawn's influence on him? He really wasn't sure, and his head hurt too bad to really debate it, but hey, at least he got to watch a good movie while he waited for Shawn to pull through… or blow up. Both were equally likely at this point. Ironically, it was _The Breakfast Club_. He guessed fate intended him to watch it whether he sat through it willingly with Shawn or not.

He dared a glance at Yang and Allison at the next car, he could barely make them out in this time of night. Yang he could see very clearly in the front seat, her eyes watching the movie, while at the same time talking to Allison, who was in the back seat, with her arms wrapped around Yang's neck affectionately. He only hoped this would be as close to the dream as Yang and Allison would try to push it.

It was only when he saw Yang and Allison's heads both jerk up at the same time to look at the rear mirror before Allison quietly retreated fully into the darkness of the back seat, did Lassiter look away from them. He looked into the side mirror to his right and to his both equal relief and horror, Shawn had arrived on his motorcycle. Barely taking the time to stand it properly, he began to search the lot of cars.

…

The ride to Cinema Vu was a surreal blur. Shawn was both numb and terrified at the same time, a just as unreal combination of emotions, that threatened to sacrifice any breakfast he may have had left to the ground below. For the moment, numbness was winning out of fear, and gave him enough strength to stand his bike, abandon his helmet, and begin his search for Carlton.

If Yang was at all true to a certain pattern, he was sure the car that held Carly would be his own Crown Vic. He didn't have an entire swat team to back him up this time, so really, knowing the type of car didn't help very much. At least it was something for his brain to filter for. Plus if they were trying to recreate as much as the dream as they could, then he could use what he remembered from his mom's kidnapping in terms of location.

He kept low as he edged toward the area he suspected to find said car. Sure enough he saw him, sitting very still and watching him from the side view mirror. It took all the self-restraint Shawn had in his entire body not to full on run to him and expose himself to Yang and Allison, but he managed to hold back to a brisk walk.

"Carly," Shawn said in a hushed whisper as he finally got to him.

"Hey Shawn," Lassiter greeted giving a half smile, before taking in a deep breath. "They're in the car to the left of us…"

"I know Carly," Shawn whispered, risking a glance into the next car himself, before he snaked his elbow through Lassiter's open window and found his hand. He squeezed it gently, as he was sure it was numb from the restraints, to which Lassiter responded by weakly squeezing back. "How you holding up?"

"A concussion from the hit Allison gave me, but otherwise I'm fine," Lassiter assured him giving a full smile, through the mirror. "How you holding up Superman?" Lassiter half joked.

"If I'm Superman then you have to be my super-sexy Batman," Shawn followed, already knowing Lassiter's intensions behind the joke. "I'm holding it together, I'm going to do my thing, and then I'm going to get you out of here." Shawn assured him, planting a quick kiss on Lassiter's cheeks, while at the same time, tugging at the ropes nearby his hand to loosen the overall wrap. "Just hang on a little longer for me."

"I will, be careful Shawn," Lassiter said giving a very subtle nod.

At that, Shawn's hand broke away from Lassiter's, and he stood up, crossing the distance to the next car. Yang looked up as soon as she heard his footsteps, which Shawn purposely made a bit more obvious, before he got in, and sat down in Yang's car for the second time in his life. As soon as he shut the car door, a gun cocked in his ear, and then the barrel rested on the side of his head. He expected this, being that Lassiter's gun had as well been missing at the time of his kidnaping, so thankfully numbness again won out of fear.

"Try anything funny and your dead!" Allison warned from the back seat, causing Yang to giggle as she watched them.

"No funny business," Shawn promised reaching slowly into his jacket pocket and pulling out the jar with the sterilized sperm. "You guys won. Mind opening the back windows Yang? The anticipation of being an actual father is making me warm," Shawn requested, as Yang pressed the buttons next to her driver's seat, and let the windows roll down, while Shawn held out the jar to her.

"It's beautiful!" Yang gasped as she picked up the jar with the palms of her hands. "All our little Shawns are swimming around in there; ready to go into Allison's body and connect with an egg!" Her eyes continued to gleam, as she held the jar close to her face, with Allison watching with the same fascination from her position in the back seat. She lowered her arms with a sigh a few seconds later.

"But then, Shawn," Yang began shaking her head. "This all seems a little too easy for you." She snapped it. "You got me! Where are the cops?"

"No cops," Shawn assured her. "All I'm here for is Lassie; I told everyone else to let you guys go. You got what you want, now remove the gun from my head and give me the detonator. I don't fuck around when it comes to Lassie."

"You don't huh?" Yang asked grinning as she held the jar delicately against her breasts. "Alright fine kill joy," she said pulling the detonator out of her front shirt pocket. "Here!"

Shawn snatched it without a second thought, putting it in clear view of the window with the movement, before switching off, the switch, on the side. He let out a staggered breath of relief, as the green light disappeared, before making a move to open the door, only to find the gun digging deeper into his skin.

"Not so fast psychic, I'm not as gullible as my girlfriend here, how do we know this is really your sperm?" Allison demanded glaring at Shawn's head, while Yang continued to be fascinated with the jar.

"That's a good question," Shawn said nodding. The cold from barrel sent a chill down his spine. "It's mine, just ask that nurse you contacted back at the hospital. She can vouch that I was there. But in argument, if you kill me just because you don't believe me, your car is going to get sticky. Not to mention if the pregnancy doesn't take, then how are you going to get more of what you want? I kind of need to be alive to do that."

Allison didn't get much time to really consider his reasoning, because the gun soon flew out of her hand and out Yang's window, thanks to a disorienting punch to the head, from none other than Lassiter. She passed out length-wise in the back seat leaving Yang to turn around and start the getaway process. Shawn managed to get out through the open window just before they started moving, while Lassiter dove for the forgotten gun on the other side of the departing car.

He shot a total of three times at the radiator of the car, and it came to halt, right as Shawn came to his feet and smiled at Lassiter. "See? It's in the wrists just as much in the elbows!"

They watched as Yang began to exit the vehicle only to freeze as sirens rang out and several swat team members ran up to the smoking car and yanked the two women out. With them under control, Juliet and Buzz ran up and cuffed them.

"I thought you said there were no cops Shawn!" Yang yelled struggling against Buzz.

"There wasn't…" Shawn confirmed as Lassiter got up and smiled.

"I managed to call them after you loosened the ropes," Lassiter assured him. "Now as I promised Yang, you are _both_ going to the looney bin!"

"Oh by the way Allison," Shawn called, as Allison groggily looked up at him. "You're right, that's not mine, and it's not even fertile." Neither of the women had the chance to respond to this as they were finally shoved into the cruiser, and driven away.

What came over Shawn then was something that could only be described as shock. Lassiter could have died. Shawn could have died. The gun may have fallen into Yang's lap instead of out the window. Then Yang would have shot his Carly just like in his dreams. Juliet, Buzz and Gus might have failed to figure out the rest of Yang's clues, and Shawn would have never learned what they wanted from him. How could he risk Lassiter's life like that?

"Shawn," Lassiter said suddenly, putting a hand on his shoulder, and making Shawn look at him. Shawn's thoughts silenced. Lassiter was smiling at him, and running a thumb across Shawn's cheek, wiping the tears Shawn didn't even realize had been streaming down his face. "It's okay, I'm safe. Everyone is safe." Lassiter whispered.

Shawn couldn't say anything. Lassiter was saying those words and his mind believed him, but his body still felt like Lassiter was still missing. He needed proof Lassiter was there, actually alive. He needed more than words, and before he knew it, Shawn was kissing him. Lassiter kissed him back immediately, wrapping his arms Shawn's waist to pull him closer. Neither cared that half of the Santa Barbra Police Department was watching them, or that Gus and Henry were watching them with equal parts amusement and surprise of actually seeing them kissing, or that the Chief herself was standing there with her arms crossed and smiling. All they cared was that they were together.

Because at that moment, that was all that mattered.

…

That night, as a surprise to neither of them, Shawn's dream returned. Just like before, bombs had exploded, smoke and blood were everywhere, only this time as the smoke cleared, Carly was fine. His bomb did not go off, and when Shawn ran to him, he felt real. And just as Yang was reaching for her own gun, Lassiter shot her.

When he awoke, it was still by no means peacefully, he puked, he panicked, and Lassiter, who had been awake anyway since he was ordered to stay awake by the doctors to make sure his concussion didn't get worse, helped him through it. However, it didn't last as long as it had before. It was a change Lassiter was both thankful and astonished to see given the day's events, but it wasn't something he expected to stay.

"It irritates me that Yang and Allison had to attack right as you were starting to get better," Lassiter said once Shawn's breathing had returned to normal. "The Chief should have told us right away."

"Actually Carly, it's not all bad," Shawn said smiling at him, and interlacing their hands together. "I managed to change the ending."

"You did?" Lassiter asked, shock ringing in his voice.

"Yeah…" Shawn said leaning his head tiredly on Lassiter's shoulder. "Everyone was still attached to bombs, and I lost everyone, but this time, when the smoke cleared, you were just fine. Then I ran to you and you shot Yang right in between the eyes," Shawn ended, and Lassiter gave a small laugh.

"Sounds like me," Lassiter said smiling, rubbing his thumb along Shawn's hand. "I'm glad you're finally starting to get better."

"Me too," Shawn said yawning. "I think saving you in real life gave me the push I needed to make sure you got out alive in my dream… So you still feel the same, now that I'm not as vulnerable?"

"Yes I do," Lassiter whispered, kissing the top of Shawn's head. "As you pointed out, I had feelings before this."

"I know I just wanted to hear you say it," Shawn said closing his eyes and smiling. "Oh, and Carly…"

"Yes Shawn?" Lassiter asked.

" _I won't leave you either_ ," Shawn said right before sleep took him again, leaving a slightly embarrassed Lassiter to watch over him.

He remembered when he said that to what he thought was a sleeping Shawn so many nights ago, and the knowledge that Shawn had heard him, and had promised the same. Made Lassiter feel immensely better.


	23. Epilogue

It had been eight months since Yang and Allison's attack, and many things had changed for the better. For one thing, McNab and Francine had a daughter, born at seven pounds and five ounces, and named Jade Shawn McNab. Needless to say, Shawn was honored to have his name passed on to the new child, especially when McNab said he chose it because he admired him so much. Even as a detective, McNab was still the soft, giant he'd always been. A giant who was destined to be a wonderful father.

Another thing was that Shawn had finally beaten the dream in full. While he still had the occasional reoccurrence of what had actually happened during the Yang case, he would only wake up in a cold sweat, which would annoy Lassiter if they happened to be cuddling at the time, and it got over him. Ultimately he didn't mind too much, especially when it ended with he and Shawn showering together, and then going back to a bed with fresh sheets.

Another change was that Shawn and Lassiter were officially living together in what was now their Fluff n' Fold. After all, they had practically been living together since Shawn's accidental overdose and the relationship had been so far so good. So Lassiter thought it was only fair that he help pay the rent, and it had been that way ever since the second month of their relationship.

In that same month, Gus and Juliet had gotten past the: awkward new feelings stage, and had finally gone on to their first date. Sure enough, they were head over heels for each other, and were now seven months together. Like Shawn and Lassiter, they moved in together and after only a little adjustment period, were happily enjoying each other's company.

At work, everyone managed to be as professional as they had been before. Which was to say, Shawn and Gus still weaseled their way onto cases, Juliet was still the one to decipher the bulk of Shawn's visions, Lassiter still called bullshit to them, and Shawn still groped him during the visions. The Chief had maintained their working together was okay as long as their personal lives didn't affect anything, especially since Shawn and Gus weren't official employees of the police department. The only thing that had changed in their work relationship, was that Lassiter trusted Shawn's deductions a _little_ bit more. In all reality, Lassiter trusted Shawn's deductions completely, but he challenged them at work, to be sure the Chief didn't get suspicious that he knew something about Shawn's psychic state, or lack thereof.

Little known to Shawn and Juliet though, even more things were about to change.

"I'm seeing snow! It's so white!" Shawn said on his knees and shivering as though it were cold. The four of them were back in the Chief's office after a husband had been found dead in his home, of what Lassiter thought to be nothing more than a very unfortunate disease. Shawn however, knew it to be more. "Mirror mirror!"

"Snow White," Juliet deduced immediately, "pale skin?"

"Yes! Pale skin," Shawn encouraged.

"Pale skin is normal on a dead body Spencer," Lassiter reminded him as Shawn crawled over to him, and began to run his fingers up Lassiter's legs.

"Rats! Rats! So many Rats!" Shawn said his fingers tapping Lassiter's legs as though they were Rats' feet. "Oh god get rid of them!"

"Are you saying he was bitten by Rats Mr. Spencer?" The Chief asked.

"I think he means rat poison!" Gus said snapping his fingers. "Women used to use it to give themselves pale skin, when it was considered a desirable trait!"

"Yes! Rat poison!" Shawn said his eyes opening, and looking up at Lassiter and giving him a smile and a wink. Lassiter rolled his eyes at this, but returned the smile for a split second before looking back up at the Chief.

"Used in trace amounts, doctors wouldn't be able to detect it, unless they were specifically testing for it in a hair sample," Juliet followed as the Chief nodded.

"Have Woody test for rat poisoning, in the meantime ask about the relationship with the couple's friends, see if the wife had an ulterior motive to marrying him," The Chief ordered. "You're dismissed."

Once in the hall Shawn turned to Lassiter and grinned. "The one who's right cooks dinner?"

"You're on," Lassiter agreed without thinking. "Prepare to lose Spencer!"

"Lassie, when are you gonna learn I'm never wrong?" Shawn asked giving Lassiter a quick kiss. "See you later."

"Bye Spencer," Lassiter said watching him leave.

When Shawn and Gus got to the blueberry, Shawn got in the driver's seat and turned his head to Gus. "Dude, when are you finally going to kneel down and give Juliet that ring you've been keeping in your pocket? I mean come on you've been dating successfully for seven months now!"

"Some people wait years Shawn," Gus informed him plainly. "Plus you're one to talk, you've been dating Lassiter for eight months! And he's the longest romantic relationship you've ever had."

"There's no rushing Carly, unfortunately." Shawn said frowning, but then smiling again. "But I'll know as soon as he's thinking about it."

"Yeah sure Shawn, you'll find out using your "psychic" powers. Where would you have him propose to you?" Gus asked.

"At the boardwalk where we had our first kiss of course," Shawn replied as he drove in the direction of the widow's house. "Why?"

"I need ideas as to where I propose to Juliet," Gus said pulling out his phone, and typing out a text that Shawn failed to read thanks to being distracted by the road.

"Who you texting? Secret girlfriend?" Shawn asked. "Dude Jules will be pissed!"

"It's not a secret girlfriend!" Gus replied angrily. "I'm texting my sister."

"Joy? Isn't she like in Egypt or something?" Shawn asked.

"No Shawn she's New York now," Gus assured him shaking his head.

"I could have sworn she was in Egypt…" Shawn said, before shrugging his shoulders. "Anyway, you should totally propose to Jules dressed up as a Gumi bear!"

"I'm not dressing up as a Gumi bear Shawn!" Gus objected immediately.

…

_To: Detective Lassiter_

_From: Burton "Gus" Guster; 1:15 pm_

_At the boardwalk, where you guys had your first kiss. If he suspects anything, he hasn't told me, but I'd wait two more weeks to be sure. I'll keep him distracted for you ;)_

' _I should have guessed.'_ Lassiter said shaking his head, and smiling.

"Who's that?" Juliet asked as they walked to the morgue.

"That would fall under the category of none of your business O'Hara," Lassiter replied stuffing the phone back in his pocket.

"Sorry was just asking," Juliet apologized, changing the subject before he started the "Partner's Right to an Extent of Privacy" speech. "So are you going to propose to Shawn soon?"

"Couple weeks from now," Lassiter admitted. "Assuming at least I figure out where and how…" He turned his head to her. "I don't suppose you have any ideas O'Hara?" The question made Juliet light up.

"Oh my gosh that's such a hard one… I mean the ideal proposal is a little bit different from person to person," Juliet began to ramble right as Lassiter held up his hand to silence her.

"How about I rephrase the question," Lassiter said quickly. "How would you be proposed to? If nothing else it'll give me some ideas. Keep in mind I want the bare minimum of details."

"Oh! Well if it were me, I'd want Gus to take me out to a nice dinner, movie, then find the ring waiting for me on my pillow with twelve red roses on the nightstand when we get home," Juliet said, sighing happily.

"That's it? I would have thought you would have something much more extravagant planned," Lassiter said pulling out his phone while she was busy staring off into space.

"People can surprise you Carlton, even the ones you think you know well!" Juliet explained. "I wish Gus would ask already."

"Yeah, yeah, quit swooning O'Hara, we have a case to work," Lassiter said closing his phone, and opening the door to the morgue.

"Hey you asked!" Juliet reminded him.

_To: Burton "Gus" Guster_

_From: Detective Lassiter 1:18 pm_

_Nice dinner, movie, and she wants to find the ring waiting for her on her pillow, with twelve red roses sitting on the nightstand next to it, when you guys get home. She's pretty oblivious, and impatient so I think sooner rather than later would be good, I'd still suggest three weeks from now, since she is frequently smarter than I give her credit for. I can send her home early that Friday as long as nothing demanding shows up. Rest is up to you Guster. Good Luck._

…

Two weeks later, the case of the dead husband was wrapped up, and sure enough, Shawn had been right. Lassiter knew he would be, not because Shawn was always right, Lassiter had suspected Rat poison from the beginning, he just needed the bet to distract Shawn when he cooked him the perfect dinner. He wanted to surprise his boyfriend, and give him the perfect date without him suspecting what he was doing. So he threw in a day at the arcade, where they had spent that first day together after Shawn's breakdown. Shawn had bet that the poisoner was in fact not the wife, but the mother living with them. Lassiter was surprised when Shawn said it was the mother, but he managed not to falter, and bet on the wife instead. He thought his plans were ruined until it was proven it was indeed the mother. At least Lassiter didn't have to fake his shock.

So on Saturday, Lassiter and Shawn had spent nearly five hours at the arcade. This time, Lassiter really did kick Shawn's ass in Street Fighter II, and again in DDR, much to Shawn's dismay. When they got back, Lassiter started dinner: Classic spaghetti, and pineapple upside down cake. As though fate were on his side, the night outside was filled with stars, the moon was full and overall inviting. Then, without him having to even suggest it to him, Shawn looked up at him in the middle of desert.

"We should go for a walk down the boardwalk; I mean look at this night Carly its perfect!" Shawn insisted. Lassiter looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm getting an eerie feeling we've had a similar conversation before Shawn," Lassiter said, barely managing not to smile.

"We have, but I was sick back then, and I want to do this when it's still nice!" Shawn insisted as Lassiter shook his head. "Come on Carly please?"

"I guess it is a nice night for reminiscing," Lassiter decided as he put down his fork. "Alright let's go." Lassiter said giving him a smile, right before his hand was snatched and he was lead out the door.

…

A few minutes later, found Shawn and Lassiter walking hand in hand in a pleasant silence down the boardwalk. The waves were pronounced, seagulls were squawking, and everything was perfect. Shawn had a calm smile on his face. It was only a matter of time before they reached the spot Lassiter had been eager to get to all day.

"So how did you figure out it was the mother who killed the son in law?" Lassiter asked suddenly.

"When I found out from the wife that it was mostly her mother who was caring for him while she was out working," Shawn explained. "I knew it couldn't have been the wife, she was absolutely head over heels for him, and they really had no life insurance to speak of. Now the mother, she hated his guts."

"I underestimate you Shawn, you really are a…" Lassiter trailed off looking down at the ground grumpily.

"I didn't quite get that Carly," Shawn said smiling mischievously. "You really are a? A genius? A psychic who didn't know it? A _great detective_ perhaps?" Shawn challenged. Lassiter stopped in his tracks then, and folded his arms breaking from Shawn's hand. "Oh come on! It's not that hard to say," Shawn challenged, and when he saw Lassiter was not going anywhere, Shawn sat down on the railing and stared at him expectantly. After a moment, Lassiter sighed.

"You really are a great detective," Lassiter said bitterly, not looking up at him. He stuffed his hands into his pockets then, and walked up the railing beside Shawn, and stared out at the ocean. "Remember last time we were here, you asked me if I was going to make you say it first?"

"Of course I remember Carly," Shawn said smiling. "In fact it was right in this spot…" Shawn suddenly fell silent, and his head turned full on to Lassiter, who was already looking at him with a smile.

"Well Shawn, in a way, you did say it first, so this time it's my turn," Lassiter said guiding Shawn off of the railing onto his feet, then kneeled down and pulled out a red velvet box. He opened it in front of him. "Shawn Spencer, I love you. You've seen the worst of me, and I've seen the worst of you. We have also seen the best in each other, and we've come out feeling the same. When you can do that, I think that is a sign that you should hang onto that person. So Shawn Spencer, will you marry me?"

"Carly," Shawn said smiling. "Yes, oh my God yes!" At these words, Lassiter took the ring out of the box, and slid it on to Shawn's left hand, then stood up and pulled him into deep kiss. After a few minutes, they finally broke apart, their foreheads touching, as they stared happily into each other's eyes.

"Okay Carly," Shawn said, "You've done the impossible, how did you know I wanted to be proposed to here, and how did you slip this past me?"

"Gus and I traded some info, I told him Juliet's dream proposal, and he told me yours and kept you distracted. Expect Gus to ask a favor from you in about a week, he'll want you to plant a few things while he and Juliet are out on her dream date," Lassiter informed as Shawn laughed.

"That's who he was really texting. Man, I should have seen that one coming," Shawn said shaking his head. "But I'm glad I didn't. I love you Carly…"

"I love you too Shawn," Lassiter said, pulling him in for another kiss.

In spite of everything they had to face to get here; Carlton Lassiter knew it was worth it. It was worth the late night panic attacks, finding Shawn on the floor, revisiting memories he'd have rather never face again, the therapy sessions, and the kidnapping. Everything was worth it, as long as Shawn Spencer was at the end of it.

He wasn't the invincible psychic he once saw him as, and Lassiter liked him better that way.


End file.
